Dying to Live
by Shakespeare's Lemonade
Summary: SEQUEL to Good Parenting. An old enemy shows up and Steve is forced to sacrifice everything to protect his family and take down Hesse. And Danny has to keep a huge secret from everyone and it threatens his relationship with Kono. COMPLETE.
1. Prologue & The Overcompensation for Mise

"Dying to Live"

Shakespeare's Lemonade

Rating: T

Genre: Family/Drama

Summary: Happily ever after seems to be in sight when an old enemy rears his ugly head. Steve makes an unthinkable sacrifice in order to protect his family and rid the world of Victor Hesse. Meanwhile Danny has to keep a huge secret from everyone and it threatens his relationship with Kono.

Pairings: Steve/OC, Danny/Kono, Chin/Malia

A/N: This is the sequel to "Bystander" and "Good Parenting." It would be best to read those first.

_Prologue: Promises, Promises_

_August 15, 2011_

_I feel like I'm going to tear in half soon. I don't know how long I can keep this up; it's so wrong. I can't keep watching them, especially her. How can I stand here and watch them die inside while I can save them?_

_We've talked about it, over and over. We've contemplated subverting the governor._

_I don't know which is worse. Lying to my wife, to his wife, to everyone. Or disobeying orders. It would have seemed like a no-brainer not long ago. _

_But then there's Hesse. Right now, we're both invested in seeing him dead. Chin was right. He is a cockroach._

_Chin understands secrets. He knows, like everyone else, that I'm hiding something, but he doesn't ask. Kono never stops asking. And that has me worried. I don't want her to think I'm avoiding her. But I can't tell her the truth._

_So, I work a lot. It's not like I don't have a lot to do._

_McKenzie doesn't ask questions. She has too much to think about now. I can't imagine being in her place._

_I made her a promise the first day Steve came back to work. I intend to keep it._

_**I'll bring him home. I promise, I always will.**_

**Chapter One "The Overcompensation for Misery"**

"_**Actual happiness always looks pretty squalid in comparison with the over-compensations for misery."~Adolus Huxley, **_**Brave New World**

Danny stood in the driveway with an exasperated look on his face. Steve was grinning as if he'd found some rare artifact.

The thing looked like a fossil, to be sure.

"What is this?" Danny asked.

"Can't you see?" Steve gestured at the monstrosity.

"I know _what_ it is, I mean why?"

"You realize none of the vehicles we own could exactly be considered a family car?"

"Who's fault is that? And what's wrong with the Jetta?"

"It's small. And what if we wanted to take everyone on a picnic or something?"

"First of all, why would you ever want to do that? Second, we all have cars!"

"You seem to be missing the point. This thing is like a truck and an SUV put together. It's safe. I mean, unless you want me to get a tank."

"I have seen a Suburban before, Steven. Driven one, in fact. And yes, they are very safe, but this one looks about twenty years old."

"Twenty-five."

"Okay, you know what this is? Overcompensation. You and your dad were supposed to work on a car together, but you didn't. Now you have five. Do we see a pattern here?"

"Okay, I inherited the Mercury. I never would have taken the Jeep if Jim were still alive. And the truck is for work."

"So, you need a nine passenger gas guzzler? Let me ask you something, how many kids are you planning to have?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I asked you a question."

"I have no plans in that regard."

"That doesn't mean anything."

"Exactly."

"You know what? Never mind. Can we go now?"

"Yes."

"In my car?"

"Sure."

"What are the chances of me driving?"

"I couldn't tell you."

"That's what I thought."

**H-5-O**

"Really bad news," Kono said when Danny and Steve got to HQ. "The governor just called."

"That's always a sign of impending doom," Danny said.

"If history is to be believed."

"What's the really bad news," Steve asked.

"There was a riot last night at Halawa Correctional. Victor Hesse came up missing this morning."

Silence fell over the room. Steve cursed under his breath.

"Every available officer is searching for him," Chin said. "And we just got the security footage from the prison. We'll start going through it to see if we can find out how he escaped."

Steve still hadn't said anything. Danny started to ask him a question, but he held up his hand. Danny thought he might be about to say something, but then he turned and walked away. The sound of his office door closing echoed in the quiet room.

"Give him a minute," Kono said, as Danny stared after Steve. "It's the second time this guy's come back to haunt him."

Danny nodded and turned back to the other. "Okay, what can we do in the meantime?"

"Let's start checking the video," Chin said, bringing it up on the screen.

"Okay, we need to determine how it started," Danny said.

"And if Victor Hesse had something to do with it," Kono said. "If it was staged, someone might know where to look for him."

Danny looked back at Steve's door. "We should go over there and see if anyone knows anything."

"You know he doesn't deal with things when he's alone," Chin said quietly. "'A minute' might not be what he needs right now."

Danny wasn't sure if it was just him, but Chin and Kono seemed to be disagreeing more lately. He imagined it had something to do with the fact that Chin was seeing his ex-fiance again. Kono was obviously opposed to the whole thing and Danny tried to stay out of it. He didn't know enough to pass judgment.

He put it out of his mind. At the moment, Steve was on the other side of his door, not dealing with things, so Danny needed to get in there.

**H-5-O**

Chin and Kono were both sort of right. Steve felt like he needed a minute and then he would be fine. He wasn't dealing with anything.

When Danny let himself in, Steve was standing "at ease" with his back to the rest of the room. He turned when he heard the door close.

"Danny, I—"

"You don't have to say anything," Danny interrupted. "We're gonna catch this guy, and this time, he's not going to make it out alive because if you don't shoot him in the face, I will."

"This is all part of something else though," Steve said in an absent voice. "Hesse isn't the one calling the shots. Has anyone talked to Kaye?"

"Not that I know of."

"We need to get her in here. And we need a tail on Wo Fat. If Hesse tries to contact him, we need to know."

"You think he'd be that stupid?"

"No. But in the event. Of course, there's Sang Min, too."

"Yeah. This day just keeps getting better."

"I need to go home."

"Wait. Why?"

"McKenzie needs to know what's going on. If Hesse comes after anyone..."

"It'll be her. Okay, but we need to go over to the prison and start questioning inmates."

"Take Kono with you."

"Yeah, the short guy and the pretty girl should be very intimidating to murderers and the like."

"Okay, take Chin. He's intimidating."

"True. Fine. Just call when you're on your way back, okay?"

"Yeah."

**H-5-O**

It was late July and McKenzie was putting together lesson plans for the fall semester. She had been a little under the weather lately and thought she'd get a head start.

She was surprised when she heard Danny's car in the driveway. Steve had only left a little while ago. She got up from the couch and went to the window. Steve was the only one in the car and he walked slowly up to the house. The look on his face was the one he had when he talked about his father.

McKenzie wondered of Steve had found out something about the people who had Jack McGarrett killed. Still she wasn't sure why he would make a special trip home in the middle of the morning. But she had a feeling she was about to find out.

"Hey," Steve said as he came in the door.

"Hey," McKenzie replied. "Are you okay?"

Steve didn't respond, but went to sit on the couch. McKenzie moved her folders and sat next to him. She wrapped her hand around his arm and waited for him to tell her what was going on.

"No," he said. "No. I'm not okay. Victor Hesse. The man who killed my father... He escaped from prison last night." Steve turned so he could look McKenzie in the eye. "There's a lot I've never told you because it wasn't important then, but it is now. When Hesse resurfaced last time, he tried to kill Chin. I thought it was about revenge, but now we know he's working for Wo Fat, who actually ordered both my parents' deaths. I still can't figure out why. Hesse might try something again, so you needed to know."

McKenzie wasn't sure what to make of that. She had known there was a lot of Steve's life that he kept to himself and she was okay with that, but here it was coming back to him. She could see the pain in his eyes when he mentioned his parents, and it seemed almost like he blamed himself.

Of course, it probably didn't help that his sister wouldn't answer his calls.

"What do you need me to do?" McKenzie asked.

Steve leaned over and kissed her head. "Be careful," he said. "Keep you gun on you. I'm going to ask for a security detail around the house."

"Steve, is that necessary?"

"It's not just for you. I want to feel safe in my own home."

"Okay. You be careful too."

"I will."


	2. When You Make Other Plans

**Chapter Two "When You Make Other Plans"**

"_**Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans"~John Lennon**_

McKenzie paced back and forth in the living room, biting her nails. This certainly complicated things.

No. Things were already complicated enough.

She wasn't sure what prompted her, but she found herself dialing a number she never had before. Of course, the recipient of this call wouldn't recognize the number, so she just might pick up.

"Hello?" came the response, a voice McKenzie had never heard, but often imagined.

"Mary Ann," she said. "This is you sister-in-law, McKenzie."

"Oh." There was a significant pause. "Is Steve okay?"

"Yeah, he's... Well, no, but... let me start over. He just found out that Victor Hesse escaped from prison."

"Damn," Mary Ann muttered.

"Listen, I don't know what's going on with you two, but Steve is really upset. I know he's been trying to get a hold of you and if you were ever planning on calling him back, now would be a good time."

"I... Look, McKenzie, you seem really nice, and I'm happy for you and all that, but I just can't do this right now."

"Hey, I understand. My brother abandoned me when I was five. I didn't want to forgive him either, but if I had, maybe..."

"What?"

"Never mind. I'm just saying, your brother hasn't done anything half as bad as mine did. He tells me all the time how he wishes you were here and that he'd never sent you away."

"I don't know what you want from me."

"Just _think_ about calling him. Please?"

"Okay... I'll think about it."

"Thanks."

**H-5-O**

Danny was beginning to wonder if he'd ever drive again. Of course, he knew Chin would let him if he asked. He just hadn't. That was probably best anyway. No need to get a taste of freedom only to have it ripped away.

Besides, he had more time to think when he wasn't driving, not that that was always a good thing. At the moment, he was thinking about asking Chin to clarify some things. He wasn't sure if now was the time to open that can of worms.

Danny rarely kept his mouth shut when he thought he should.

"Chin," he said.

"Yes?" Chin replied.

"I have a question which you may feel free not to answer. I mean, I know you'll do that anyway, but I don't want you to feel bad about not answering."

"What is it, brah?"

"You love Malia?"

"Yes."

"Okay. And she loves you?"

"Yes."

"So, I don't see the problem."

"You mean Kono's problem?"

"Yeah."

"She's upset because she thinks Malia abandoned me along with everyone else. Kono was one of very few people who stuck by me."

"You said she thinks. Is she right?"

"This is where I'm going to reserve that right not to answer."

"Okay, okay." Danny held up his hands. "So, let's say, for the sake of argument, that Kono doesn't know the whole story. Don't you think you should tell her? I mean, since she was one of those few who stuck by you."

"It's over now. It shouldn't matter."

"Hey, look, I get that you value your secrets and that's fine. I don't want you to tell me, really. But Kono's not like that. She expects her family to be open about everything. Sometimes I wonder if you two are actually related."

Chin shook his head. "I know why you're doing this."

"What?"

"You want to know whose side you should be on. You don't want to disagree with Kono, but you think she might be wrong."

"Okay. So, maybe I am trying not to make her as mad at me as she is at you."

"Makes sense with you getting married next week."

"Yeah, that."

"Okay, if Kono left you, but then came back, wouldn't you still love her?"

"Yes. Of course, the future of our relationship would depend on whether or not she'd married some rich imbecile and moved five thousand miles away."

"Okay, well, Malia didn't."

"Here is where we have a problem. I agree with you. However, Kono hates her and I really don't want to have that argument. Wouldn't it be nice if your cousin could actually like your girlfriend?"

"Yes. I'm going to be honest with you; I haven't figured this all out yet. I'll let you know when I do."

Danny shrugged. "What more can I ask?"

**H-5-O**

Danny and Chin looked out over the prisoners in the yard, wondering how they were going to get any useful information from all those inmates.

"Anybody stick out as a likely suspect?" Chin asked the guard escorting them.

"Now that you mention it," he said. "You see that guy over there." He pointed to a man sitting alone. "He's started more fights since he got here. Passive-aggressive, so it won't show on the security tapes."

Danny stared at the red hair clashing with the orange jumpsuit. This was turning out to be a beautiful day. For a second, Danny contemplated calling in their new psychological consultant, Dr. Eisner. Then he decided they'd wait to see if they needed him.

Danny gave Chin a look as if to ask, are you ready for this.

Chin nodded and they headed over to the solitary prisoner who had his back to them. Danny got there first and put his hand on the prisoner's shoulder, squeezing a little too hard as he sat down on the bench. Chin circled the table and stood across from them.

"How's it going, Kyle?" Danny asked quietly.

Kyle gave him the once over. "Where's the tall, scary one?" he said.

Danny nodded at Chin. "This guy blew out Frank Salvo's brains. Next time you get internet privileges, look him up."

"I should have known you'd get involved in this. So who's the big fish?"

"You're gonna sit there and act like you don't know? Come on, Kyle. I know you're smarter than that. Genetics, remember?"

"You comparing me to my family? Whatever. I don't know what you're talking about."

"Okay. Let me help you out. Victor Hesse. He escaped last night. Now what do you know?"

Kyle shrugged. "The guy's been talking about getting out since I got here. A lot of guys do that. So, he made it, huh?"

"Yeah. And he needs to be found. So, you feel like doing yourself a favor or what?"

"You don't want to do that."

"Why?"

"You take time off my sentence? I get out sooner. I mean, I know you cops aren't that clever, but..."

"He didn't." Danny looked up at Chin.

"He did," Chin said.

Danny smiled. "Listen, Kyle, when I say do yourself a favor, I mean, help us out so I don't have my friend here break your fingers one at a time."

Kyle shook his head. "You can't do that."

"Really? That's news to me. Hey, did you know that?"

Chin shook his head.

"So, what'll it be?" Danny stared at Kyle, daring him to test them.

"I don't know much," Kyle finally said. "But I've heard a few things."

**H-5-O**

When Steve arrived back at HQ, he was about ready to pack up and move to Alaska. He had been wondering if this day could get any worse, and it looked like it just had.

"What is he doing here?" Steve asked Danny.

"Is it surprising that he knows something?" Danny replied. "I'll do it, if you want."

"No." Steve shook his head. "I got this."

Danny considered arguing, but thought better of it. If he needed to, he could step in, but for now, he'd let Steve work this out.

Steve went into the interrogation room, putting on his mask as he went. Over the past several months, the mask had been slipping away, but now he needed it again. He couldn't let Kyle know how hard this was for him. Not if he wanted any useful information.

"There you are," Kyle said. "I was starting to wonder."

Steve made no reply, but moved to stand directly in front of where Kyle was sitting.

"I'm feeling some déjà vu," Kyle said.

Steve angled his jaw upward in a half-nod. "Tell me what you know about Victor  
>Hesse."<p>

Kyle shrugged. "Guy seems pretty intense. Hates you."

"Did he ask you to start the fight?"

"Ask? I wouldn't use that word. He was very persuasive. See, I have a chance of getting out someday, and… well, I guess he knows a lot of people."

"Care to be more specific?"

"He wasn't."

"Did he say where he was going?"

"No. Just that he knew a guy who could help him get away."

"A name?"

Kyle shook his head. "He didn't say."

"So he's trying to get off the island?"

"He didn't say that, but I would imagine so. I mean, I would."

Steve shook his head. "You don't know these people."

"Do you?"

Steve made no reply.

Kyle seemed to be about to say something else, when he stopped and stared at Steve for a second. His useless right arm dropped to his side.

"So, you married her," Kyle finally said.

Steve realized Kyle had been looking at his left hand.

"Listen to me," Steve said, "You do have a chance of getting out, now do you want to jeopardize that by withholding information? Believe me; I can make sure you never get out of there."

"See, that's the thing. I'm not sure who to believe right now. You'll go to whatever lengths to get the people who killed your parents because you're just that way, but does that mean you really know what you're talking about? So, I think I'm going to exercise my right to remain silent." Kyle sat back in the chair as if waiting.

Steve concluded that he wasn't going to get anything more out of him now, but he had a feeling this wasn't the last time he would see his brother-in-law.

"Congratulations, by the way," Kyle said.


	3. Ready or Not

**Chapter Three "Ready or Not"**

"_**Ready or not, here I come."~Hide and Seek**_

McKenzie looked up at the ceiling and drummed her fingers on her stomach. Steve would probably be home soon, and she still didn't know how to tell him. She also didn't know how not to.

Soon, McKenzie heard Danny's car pull into the driveway and then pull away and Steve's keys in the lock. She didn't look over to the door, but she could imagine the confused look on his face.

"Are you all right?" Steve asked, quickly crossing the living room.

"Yeah," McKenzie replied, exhaling and sitting up.

"Are you sick?"

"Well, sort of."

Steve felt her forehead, but McKenzie gently pushed his hand away.

"Not that kind of sick," she said. "The kind that comes in the morning and then goes away."

Steve stared into her eyes, the question he couldn't vocalize screaming in the silence.

McKenzie nodded. "I went to the doctor today. It's… official."

Steve turned and stared across the living room. For a long minute, neither of them said anything.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Steve finally said, turning back to face McKenzie.

"I…" McKenzie faltered. "I thought maybe it was just a bug and I didn't want to worry you."

"Worry me? You tell me everything."

"But if it had been nothing… I mean you haven't…"

"That's pretty irrelevant now."

"So, are you okay with it?"

"Okay? I don't know, but it… I mean, he or she is. And it's not as if I didn't want this. I just wasn't sure if I could do it. I guess we'll find out."  
>"You will be amazing," McKenzie whispered.<p>

Steve leaned over and put his arm around her shoulders. "I'll have to be."

McKenzie leaned against his chest. "I want to be excited," she said.

"Want to?"

"But I don't want to be excited when you aren't."

"Be as excited as you like. I'm going to call Danny."

McKenzie sat up straight and Steve was unable to hide his grin. She punched his shoulder and reached for her phone.

"As long as we're making announcements," she said with a smile.

**H-5-O**

Danny glared at the caller ID and contemplated not answering. Finally with a groan, he pushed "Talk."

"I'm not coming back to work," he said.

"Is that the only reason I ever call you?" Steve replied.

"Okay, no, but of the top five it's one, two, and three."

"Well, that's not why."

"Well, Steven, what is it? You do realize I'm planning a wedding in a week?"

"You're planning a wedding, huh? I only need a minute of your time anyway."

"Why do you sound so giddy?"

Steve laughed. "I'm sure about ten you years ago, you were a little like this too."

"Wait a second…"

Suddenly there was a high pitched shriek from the other room and for a second, Danny didn't say anything.

"I guess Kono just found out," Steve said.

"You're serious?" Danny asked. "I mean, this isn't some kind of sick joke?"

"Why would I joke about this? No. McKenzie went to the doctor today. It's official; I'm a father."

Danny could hear the seriousness in Steve's voice. It reminded him of when the SEAL was planning a raid or some other important operation.

"So how do you feel about it?" Danny asked.

"I guess we'll find out," Steve replied.

"Yeah. I know what you mean. Once you get over the fear of dropping it on its head, it's pretty great."

"Why would I worry about that?"

"I guess you wouldn't. Hey, I still want to see those pictures of you being held as a baby."

"I'll be sure to dig those out for you the first chance I get."

"You'd better. It's been almost a year."

"So, about this wedding…"

"It's driving me crazy. Kono's not even worried at all. She's been like this the whole time."

"I think that was to be expected."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, she's so laid back and you're… not."

"I might take offense at that."

"Really? If you didn't know you were high strung already—"

"All right. Point being?"

"Was there a point? I thought we just did verbal acrobatics for no reason."

"Of course you think that. So, how far along is she?"

"Uh, about six weeks."

"So, that'd put the due-date in March?"

"March 15th, but they never actually come on the day, do they?"

"Not much. But hey, that's the Ides of March."

"The what?"

"Ha! I got you. That's _Julius Caesar_."

"Excuse me for not having read everything."

"Have you read anything?"

"_Macbeth_, _The Chronicles of Narnia_..."

"Okay. You're sort of literate. You might want to brush up on some of that though. I mean, if you want you kid to be properly educated."

"Why do you think I married a teacher?"

"I always thought it was 'cause she's cute, but what do I know?"

"That's probably closer to the truth. Hey, I have to go. I'm going to try calling Mary again."

"Good luck. If there is any such thing."

"Thanks. See you tomorrow."

"Yeah. Hey, you'll be fine, okay?"

"Okay."

**H-5-O**

Mary stared at her phone. The last picture she took of herself and Steve at the airport showed on the screen. They looked happy. She still had her forehead bandaged and Steve had his arm protectively around her shoulders. Their marching eyes and smiles taunted Mary.

Finally, she picked up the phone. Her heart pounded harder as he thumb hovered over the "Talk" button. She pressed down and brought the phone to her ear.

"Hello?" she said.

There was a short silence. "Mary?" Steve seemed surprised that she had answered.

"You okay?"

"I... I don't know."

"Your uh, your wife called earlier."

"She did?"

"Yeah. She said I should think about answering you. She was very rational."

Mary could see her brother smiling, even though he didn't say anything.

"There's a lot to talk about," Mary said.

"You have no idea. But it's so good to hear from you."

"Thanks. And I'm sorry it's been so long and missing the wedding and all... That was a mistake."

"Sending you away was a mistake. It just took awhile for me to realize that. If... if you want to come back, Mary, I want you here."

"And what happens when someone else threatens us?"

"We do what we have to. I've only begun to realize what Dad did to us by sending us away. Someday I might be faced with the same decision, and I hope I'd do things differently."

"Are you planning on kids?" Mary sounded half surprised, half hopeful.

"We are now. Sort of have to be."

"Are you...? Steve! Tell me."

Steve couldn't help a small laugh. "Yes. We're expecting."

"Holy crap! When did you grow up?"

"Somewhere between a quadruple homicide and spring break. You realize we haven't talked since Jim died?"

"Maybe I was a little unreasonable."

"Maybe. I understand, though."

"Thanks. Hey, I have to be up early. Can I call you tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Anytime."

"Okay. Hey, Steve, I love you."

"I love you too."

**H-5-O**

In the week leading up to Danny and Kono's wedding, Steve talked to Mary every day. He kept her up to date on their search for Victor Hesse. Although, they didn't find much useful information.

Mary also talked to McKenzie several times, and about a week after the wedding, she decided she wanted to move back to Hawaii.

There had been no new developments in the case and Steve was beginning to think maybe Hesse was just trying to get off the island. He didn't count on it though.

It was a particularly hot August morning as McKenzie was cleaning the house in anticipation of Mary's arrival that hell broke loose.

She was going around the corner between the living room and the study, when she felt a strong hand clamp over her mouth and an unmistakable voice saying,

"Don't even think of going for your gun."

Then McKenzie felt cold metal against her stomach. She couldn't risk it. She closed her eyes, thinking through all the possibilities. Her phone was on the coffee table in the middle of the living room. The alarm controls were by the front door.

She exhaled deeply. "What do you want?" she said.

"Him," Hesse replied. "If you're careful, you and the little one might just survive this."

He led her into the study and made her sit in one of the wooden chairs. Looking around her, McKenzie realized that this was where Jack McGarrett had died at the hands of the man holding a gun on her.

Hesse tapped her hands and feet and then retrieved her phone. He pushed a couple of buttons and then held it up to her ear.

"Hey, what's up?" his voice sounded almost carefree.

At first McKenzie didn't say anything. "Steve," she whispered.

The change in his tone was instantaneous. "What's wrong?"

She could hear him moving, as if heading for the car.

"Answer him," Hesse said.

McKenzie looked up at him defiantly. Then his gun collided with her face. She bit her lip, but couldn't help the small cry of pain that escaped.

"McKenzie!" Steve's voice was desperate now.

"Don't give him what he wants," she said. "Don't let him win."

Her vision swam as the butt of the gun hit her jaw.


	4. Already Over

**Many thanks for your fantastic reviews! I still love all of you.**

**The title of this chapter is a song I heard while listening to Pandora Radio. Immediately, I thought, "this is my chapter title." The sound and the words go with what I was thinking as I was putting it together in my head. You all should seriously listen to this song. Maybe while reading this chapter. Here's a link: http:/www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=4OUHoFAziyU**

**Chapter Four "Already Over"**

"_**I'd give it all to you, letting go of me, reaching as I fall. I know it's already over now, nothing left to lose, loving you again. I know it's already over, already over now."~Red**_

"Come alone."

Steve's mouth went dry and he really thought he might be sick. But he had to keep it together. Danny was following him, asking what was going on, but Steve ignored him.

"Alone and unarmed," Hesse said. "Otherwise, I'll shoot her in the gut and she can feel her child die before she does."

Steve felt all the oxygen leave the air around him, and found himself running to the car. Hesse hung up, which was probably a good thing. Then Steve realized he didn't have the keys.

Finally acknowledging Danny, he turned and held out his hand.

"Give me your keys," he said.

"Just as soon as you tell me what's going on," Danny replied.

If Steve had been thinking at the time, he would have heard the deep concern in his partner's voice. Of course, Danny had to know something was wrong with McKenzie. But Steve wasn't thinking. All he heard were precious seconds ticking away as his wife and unborn child were in the hands of a terrorist with vengeful tendencies. All he knew was that he had to be there. He didn't know what he was going to do, but that didn't matter.

In hindsight, his next move wasn't his smartest. He pushed Danny against the side of the building and stanched his keys. Then he turned and practically jumped into the car and sped off in the direction of home.

At this point, Steve wasn't thinking about what he was going to do when he got there. He had many ideas, none of which presently sounded safe for McKenzie. Somehow he had to get her to safety. He didn't have a plan beyond that.

Steve reminded himself to breathe. He reminded himself that this wasn't like the last two times. He didn't know what it was, but this was different. He had a lot more to lose.

His palms sweat on the steering wheel as he fought to keep control. He had to remain calm. Or sort of calm. Not completely insane, anyway.

He played her words over in his head. Nearly the same words his father had used. And he tried not to think of the sound of metal hitting flesh that he knew so well. He knew he would lose it if he thought about that.

The trip to his house didn't take as long as usual, but to Steve, that was too long. The sun beat down and the air was thick, as only August could be.

He ran to the door, not thinking of what he'd find on the other side, not worrying about the demons from his past that he would have to face, only knowing that he had to get Hesse away from McKenzie.

The house was clean and the air conditioning made it almost too comfortable. It was all too quiet as well.

Somehow, Steve knew where they would be. He went straight through the living room to the doorway of the study. The scene made his heart drop to his feet, and he couldn't count how many times that had happened in the last ten minutes.

McKenzie was tied to a chair, blood dripping from her mouth. Hesse was standing on the other side of her with a gun to her head.

"For once," he said, "you listened to me."

Steve found himself unable to speak. He had no clue what to offer this monster. What could Hesse possibly want, but to hurt Steve worse. But he wasn't stupid. If McKenzie died, Hess had to know he wouldn't be far behind, but as long as she was alive, Steve would cooperate. So, he had to want something else.

"Won't be long before your friends show up," Hesse said.

"What do you want?" Steve asked, never taking his eyes off McKenzie.

Hesse shook his head. "This isn't about her," he said. "It's unfortunate for her that you happened to marry her, but she's nothing to us. You on the other hand..."

"Okay, you've got me; let her go."

"No, see, it's because of her I've got you. You won't try anything as long as _they_ are in danger."

Steve's hands twitched. He searched for a chink in the armor, but found none. Hesse was right; Steve couldn't do anything.

"So, what do you want?" he asked again.

A sneer like expression crossed Hesse's face. "I suppose this is it," he said. "You've been making a nuisance of yourself. We can't have that."

Facing the definite possibility of death was more terrifying than Steve thought it would be. Not because he was particularly afraid, but because of what he would leave behind.

"Okay," he said. "Let McKenzie go. You don't need her anymore."

Hesse cocked his head. "Interesting," he said. "Though I'm not so likely to trust you as all that."

"I won't do anything," Steve promised.

It was about that time, McKenzie looked up at him. Steve hadn't realized she was conscious.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

Steve didn't respond, but looked at Hesse expectantly. Something changed in the terrorist's expression and he untied McKenzie's hands, but he put his arm around her neck and his gun to her side.

"Walk," Hesse said, pushing her toward Steve.

She did. She really had no choice. Then they stopped. Hesse pressed the barrel of the gun harder against her.

"Say goodbye," he said.

McKenzie shook her head, but Hesse brought his hand behind her head and grabbed a handful of her short hair. The gun at her back now, he shoved her forward and Steve caught her.

"I don't have to be so considerate," Hesse said, leveling the gun at McKenzie's head. "Make it quick."

McKenzie was struck with the horrible realization of what was about to happen. All she could do was shake her head, saying "No" over and over again. Then Steve hugged her so hard, she couldn't say anything.

"I love you," he whispered. "Please don't forget."

"Steve," she exhaled. "I don't think I can do this."

Steve didn't say anything. There was nothing he could say. So, he kissed her for what was sure to be the last time. Then he wiped away a few tears from her face and told her,

"Go."

She knew she had to. If it had be just her life, she would have stayed until the end, but it wasn't.

"I love you, Steve," she said. And for what seemed an impossibly long moment, she stared into his eyes, unable to tear herself away.

But then, McKenzie felt a tight grip on her arm and Hesse pulled her away from Steve, pushing her toward the door.

"Get out," he said.

And she went. Because something she had never felt before compelled her. McKenzie was a mother now, and she had to protect the life growing inside her. The same way Steve was protecting both of them.

She ran down the sidewalk and saw the police storming into the yard, she saw Danny running toward her looking terrified, and she heard two shots.

McKenzie fell to her hands and knees, unsure if she had tripped. The noise around her got louder and there were more and more people. There was an ambulance. He could be alive.

She realized she wasn't breathing, but then she felt strong arms lifting her to her feet. She turned to see Chin's normally unreadable face etched with worry.

"Are you okay?" he asked, eying the blood on her face.

McKenzie couldn't answer him; she didn't know.


	5. Falling Inside the Black

**Thanks for all the amazing reviews to the last chapter. Your reactions make me feel like I've accomplished something. Just so you know, writing the end of this chapter almost made me cry.**

**Chapter Five "Falling Inside the Black"**

"_**Tonight I'm so alone. This sorrow takes a hold. Don't leave me here so cold... Don't leave me alone. 'Cause I barely see at all. Don't leave me alone. I'm falling in the black, slipping through the cracks, falling to the depths. Can I ever go back? Dreaming of the way it used to be. Can you hear me?"~Skillet**_

You know that saying that you never hear the shot that kills you? For one thing, how could anyone possibly know that?

Steve heard both shots, felt them too. But he heard something else. Something that sounded vaguely of a hero coming to save the day. Steve wasn't sure what that was supposed to sound like. But lying on his living room floor with blood pooling around him while his murderer ran out the back way, Steve wasn't exactly at his mental best.

He heard the front door and the shouts of police officers. Words ran together, but he thought he heard someone say,  
>"He's down!"<p>

Then, there was the voice Steve never thought would be calming, but somehow it was.

"Steve!" Danny said, sliding to the floor, which probably wasn't very nice for his knee. "Hey, can you hear me?"

Steve felt like there was something in his throat as he tried to answer. "A... always," he said.

"Good." Steve could hear the edge in Danny's voice along with the restrained laugh. "Just hang in there. Don't close your eyes. Look at me when I'm talking to you."

Steve wasn't exactly aware of the EMTs, except that his chest hurt worse than before as they put pressure on his wounds.

"D—anny," he gasped.  
>"Yeah. I'm here," Danny said. "Don't worry. McKenzie got out."<p>

Steve tried to get out what he wanted to say, but the words were all jumbled and talking hurt.

"Hey, calm down," Danny said. "Everything's gonna be okay. Just hold on. All right?"

"Right," Steve managed to say. The blissful dark of unconsciousness was looking very nice right now. But something made him need to stay awake. More than that, he needed to stay alive. He didn't know what the chances of that were, but if he didn't live, there was something he had to say.

Somehow, Steve managed to grab hold of Danny's arm. Everything else was blurry, but he looked at Danny's eyes.

_If I die, your face is not the last thing I want to see..._

That wasn't it. Steve kept trying to figure out exactly what it was he wanted to say.

"Danny," he said. "Take... care of her... them."

"Hey, listen," Danny said. "I'm going to take care of you so you can do it yourself. Hey, I told her I'd always bring you home. Don't make me a liar."

It wasn't that Steve particularly wanted to, but couldn't stop his eyes from closing and his world from going black

**H-5-O**

McKenzie saw Danny first. He was wearing her favorite blue shirt. She didn't know why she thought of that. Perhaps because there was blood on the sleeves.

She tried to move when she saw the EMTs carrying Steve, but Chin was still holding onto her and kept her where she was.

Danny looked over at them and gave Chin a nod in the direction of the car. Chin nodded back and adjusted his hold on McKenzie so they could walk.

"Come on," he said. "We'll meet them there."

"But..." McKenzie didn't have much more of a protest in her.

Chin called Kono over, and the three of them got in Danny's car. Kono and McKenzie sat in the back together while Chin drove. Kono looked at McKenzie's face and determined there was no serious damage.

When they got to the hospital, Danny was already pacing the hallway, waiting for them. As soon as she saw him, McKenzie ran over and hugged him. The others were close behind her.

"What do you know?" McKenzie asked.

"They're working on him now," Danny said. "He was conscious when I got there. Talking, sort of. I really don't know how he is now."

McKenzie started biting her nails and finally noticed the taste of blood. Her fingers came away all red.

"You should get cleaned up," Danny said. "I'll be here, in case they have any news."

"Come on," Kono said, putting her arm around McKenzie's shoulders. The two of them headed off to the bathroom and Chin sat down, but Danny kept pacing.

**H-5-O**

Coming out of the darkness wasn't as nice as it should have been. It was hazy and sort of cold. For a moment, Steve thought he might want to go back to sleep, but then he remembered the events of the morning and opened his eyes.

To his surprise, the first person he saw was Governor Jameson, standing across the room, staring out the window. Steve looked around the room and found it's only other inhabitant was standing by the door, leaning against the wall, arms crossed.

Steve wondered why Danny and Jameson seemed so antagonistic toward each other. Actually, he wasn't all that interested in finding out at the moment, but he had a feeling he would find out soon.

"Hey. How you feeling?" Danny asked, pushing off the wall and coming to stand beside Steve.

"Terrific," Steve said. "What's going on?"

"Her majesty's had a stroke of genius," Danny muttered.

"I heard that," Jameson said, turning around to face them.

"I know," Danny replied.

She gave him a look and then turned to Steve. "Your encounter this morning has given us a golden opportunity," she said.

"Wait until she gets to the good part," Danny said.

"Can someone please just get to the point?" Steve asked.

"Hesse thinks you're dead," Jameson said. "At least he will. Do you realize what you could do with that?"

At first, Steve thought he had misunderstood. The governor couldn't be suggesting that he fake his death. But she was.

"Hear me out," she said. "Hesse intended to kill you thins morning. He won't stop until you're dead, which puts you and your family in constant danger. However, if he believed you were dead, he would leave them alone and you would be free to go after him without him knowing."

"You're serious?" Steve said. "You want me to let everyone believe I'm dead?"

"Except Detective Williams, of course."

"There's the good part," Danny said.

Jameson ignored Danny. "This is what I hired you for, Steve," she said. "This is your job. How are you going to find Hesse and keep your family safe? You spent five years hunting him before and now he has Sang Min's help again."

Steve didn't say anything for a minute. Jameson couldn't read his expression, but Danny could. It was the same look he got when he talked about his parents' deaths. It was the only indication that Steve McGarrett actually felt pain.

Then, Danny knew he would do it. He would fake his death because it was the best thing to do. Maybe it wasn't right. It was more than a little like what his father had done. But Steve was invested in keeping people alive, especially people he loved.

"McKenzie needs to know," Steve finally said.

"You know that's not possible," Jameson replied.

"She _has_ to."

"Steve..."

"You know I'll do it. But I'm going to argue with you on this."

Jameson nodded and headed for the door.

"Let me tell them," Danny said.

She gave him a curious look.

"Let me deliver the news," he clarified.

She nodded and gave him a sympathetic smile. Then she left.

Danny looked back at Steve who was staring at the ceiling. "Are you sure?" he asked.

"Don't change my mind," Steve replied.

"I need to tell them now."

"I'm sorry." Steve looked at Danny.

"I know." Danny nodded, looking particularly miserable. "Someone will come get you later. I'll see you in the morning."

Steve nodded. "Danny," he said.

"Yeah?"

"Take care of them for me."

"I will."

**H-5-O**

McKenzie bit her nails. She was hungry, but couldn't eat. Probably a combination of anxiety and pregnancy.

When Danny came back down the hall, she knew something was wrong. He didn't look like Danny. He looked like someone else had occupied his body.

McKenzie felt her heart pound faster and a lump rise in her throat. She had to know what he was going to say, but part of her wanted to cover he ears.

Before he said the words, she knew. She knew in her heart that Steve was gone.

Gone. Forever.

She didn't know how she got on the floor from the chair, but she pulled her knees into her chest and buried her head. She didn't know whose arms were around her from both sides. She couldn't distinguish which sobs were her own.

Everything was silent and she was alone. There were no words in her extensive vocabulary to describe her agony. The desperate prayers of thirty seconds ago seemed hollow.

Still though her tears, McKenzie managed to form words. The only words she could say.

"Don't leave me!" she cried, but all that answered her was silence. "Don't leave me alone," she whispered.


	6. The Pain I Feel Now

**Chapter Six "The Pain I Feel Now"**

"_**The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal."~C.S. Lewis, **_**A Grief Observed**

In the opening of the hallway, Danny sat on the floor, watching the others. They paid no attention to him, too busy, far too busy.

He rested his arms on his knees and exhaled loudly. This was only going to get worse.

He crossed his arms and leaned his forehead against them, suddenly tired. And more than a little sick.

He had done that. Caused the scene in the waiting room, and now he had more to do. More family to inform. There was Mary Ann, whose plane would be landing in a few hours. There was Grace.

Danny rubbed his face as if the friction could remove his guilt. He'd lied before for a good cause. Hell, he'd even lied to feds, sort of. But this was different. This was his family, and as he watched them, knowing he could make everything better with two words, he hated himself more and more.

Somehow, the duty to protect them outweighed the need to relieve their pain. And in the end, it wasn't his choice. Steve had decided to agree to the plan and Danny would respect that as much as it killed him.

He knew somehow it had to be harder for Steve. Even though he didn't have to watch this, he must have felt it. And he was the one who had to be dead. He was responsible.

Danny shook his head and rubbed his temples with his thumbs. He didn't know how to comfort someone while lying to them. But he could be there. He could say everything was going to be all right, because it was true, but he doubted anyone would actually believe him.

Still, Danny stood up and crossed the room. His family sat, huddled on the floor. McKenzie was barely visible underneath Kono and Chin's arms.

Danny sat down next to his wife of one week, finally noticing the twinge in his knee. He took Kono's hand and she turned slightly to look at him. The fresh tears on her face did nothing to strengthen his resolve.

He couldn't keep looking at her, so he leaned his head on her shoulder. Her hair fell in his face, and he didn't care, because he didn't want to see anything. He wanted to close his eyes and pretend this wasn't happening.

But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't forget the looks, or stop dreading what he knew he would soon have to do.

**H-5-O**

Mary came first. Danny drove McKenzie to the airport in complete silence. He would have gone alone, but McKenzie wanted to be there. Mary would be living with her for a while anyway.

They waited in silence and Danny felt more and more sick. Several times, he opened his mouth to say those two words, but something stopped him. It wasn't his secret to share. He knew Steve would probably be happy with him, but he couldn't do it. Finally, he bit his tongue and crossed his arms.

When Mary came out of the terminal, Danny knew she knew. Steve would have been there if he could have and McKenzie looked exactly like a woman who had just lost her husband.

Danny had to bite his tongue again as McKenzie told Mary Ann what happened. At least, what she thought had happened.

_He's alive!_ Danny wanted to scream as Mary's eyes filled with tears.

It was then, Danny began to admit to himself that everything would not be fine. Even though Steve would come back, this could never be undone. His family would always remember the second they heard he was dead. They believed it, and at the moment, that was more important than the truth.

Danny drove McKenzie and Mary Ann back to their house. Everything had been cleaned up since that morning, like it never happened. Still, Danny was surprised that McKenzie wanted to be there. He supposed it would make her feel closer to Steve.

As he stood outside the door to leave, Danny thought of his promise to always bring Steve home. He almost reminded McKenzie of it, but once again quite literally bit his tongue.

"Thank you," McKenzie said, standing in the doorway.

"Let me know if you need anything," Danny said. "Anything. Anytime."

McKenzie nodded and turned to go back in the house.

"Hey," Danny said, pulling her into a hug. "I mean it. I'm here."

She nodded against his shoulder. "You're my best friend, you know?" she said and sniffed.

"Yeah," Danny replied. Somehow, he had known. Maybe that was why this was so hard.

It was about to get harder. Grace was second.

Kono had wanted to go with Danny, but he needed to go alone. Of course, breaking his daughter's heart was just another one of a long string of horrible things he'd done that day.

Stan was out of town again, thankfully, but Rachel knew something was wrong when Danny just showed up without calling.

Of course, she couldn't know exactly what was wrong. Had Steve actually died, perhaps Danny's expression would have been more readable. Right now, it was the look of a man who was about to tell an enormous lie to his daughter. As Danny had never done that before, no one would recognize the look.

"What happened?" Rachel asked, letting Danny inside.

He swallowed hard, practically tasting the false words. "Steve's dead," he said. There was no tone. No inflection whatsoever.

Rachel's hand went to her mouth to stifle a gasp. Danny could tell she was trying not to be emotional. She didn't know Steve very well, but Grace had loved him and there were so many other reasons he shouldn't be gone.

"What..." Rachel began. "How?"

"Hesse," Danny replied.

"Did... did you catch him?"

Danny shook his head. "We will though." He kicked himself internally for saying that. He wasn't supposed to.

Rachel nodded. "I'll get Grace," she said, heading for the stairs.

Danny looked around the immaculate house that always made him uncomfortable. He sat down on the couch that probably cost more than his yearly rent. He really didn't care about the blood that was still on his clothes. Somehow, he couldn't be bothered to care about much of anything.

But when Grace came down the stairs, knowing something was wrong, it all came back into sharp focus for Danny.

She crawled up on the couch next to him, sliding under his arm.

Danny looked into Grace's eyes and hated himself more than he ever thought possible.

But he said the words, and held her as she cried. It was all he could do.

**H-5-O**

Steve found himself drifting in and out of consciousness, so he wasn't all that surprised when he woke up somewhere else. He didn't really care where he was.

There was a dull ache in his chest, but he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. It was dark, but Steve could tell that the room was underground. He got up and started looking around, not bothering to turn on lights.

He left the bedroom and found a small kitchen area, and on the other side of that was the real hideout. There were screens and computers and any other technology he could want, all lining the walls of a large room. There was a long table in the middle with several comfortable chairs.

On the table were several files and lists of instructions. Steve found himself feeling a little sick at the thought that there was a sort of handbook on pretending to be dead. All he could do was hope it would be over soon and he could forget about it.

His chest started to hurt and he wondered if he was supposed to be walking around yet, until he realized it wasn't from the wounds.

It was ironic, Steve thought, that he'd spent eighteen years virtually alone and now he didn't know what to do with himself. This wasn't unusual. At least, it didn't used to be.

It was only now that he was standing alone in this underground bunker, who knows where, that Steve fully grasped what had happened. Since January, he'd become someone else. The old man who could spend months without human contact was long gone.

Right now, he didn't feel like Lieutenant Commander Steven J. McGarrett. He felt like Steve, the guy who wasn't the best big brother in the world and didn't know how he was ever going to be a father. He felt like the Steve that was on his knees with a knife at his throat, waiting for someone to save him, only for it to be the last person he expected.

And she had saved him in so many other ways, but now, it was distracting him. He needed to be the old Steve for a while.

He just hoped he could go back when this was over.


	7. Death Matters

**Watched an episode of NCIS: Los Angeles the other night where a pregnant woman's husband dies. Ironic. Partly because I always imagine McKenzie looking a little like Nell Jones. **

**My senior project is finally done. You know what that means? More fan fiction! So, thanks to all of you for sticking around and giving me such amazing feedback.**

**Chapter Seven "Death Matters"**

"_**It is hard to have patience with people who say 'There is no death' or 'Death doesn't matter.' There is death. And whatever is matters. And whatever happens has consequences, and it and they are irrevocable and irreversible. You might as well say that birth doesn't matter."~C.S. Lewis, **_**A Grief Observed**

When he found out she was pregnant, Dr. Eisner prescribed McKenzie a different medication to manage her PTSD, and it gave her very strange dreams. She had become accustomed to that, but that night, it was more strange than usual.

She dreamed that the house was dark, and she went downstairs for a drink of water.

"_There you are." The voice was vaguely familiar._

_McKenzie went through the dining room into the study where a man was sitting behind the desk. "Jack?" she said._

"_It's nice to finally meet you," he said._

"_Are you a ghost?" she asked._

"_You don't believe in ghosts."_

"_Oh. I'm dreaming."_

"_Probably... you know, I died right there." He nodded to the place she was standing._

_She moved away. She had almost died there too._

"_Do you regret it?" she asked._

"_Dying? I didn't have much choice."_

"_I mean, the way it happened. You told him not to give them what they wanted. I tried. I really did."_

"_That was different. You have so much more to live for."_

"_That's what I keep telling myself."_

"_No. I don't regret it. He needed to know I was on his side."_

_McKenzie nodded. "Do you think he... Did he do the right thing?"_

"_Do you think so?"_

"_I hope so."_

"_Trust him. He deserves it."_

_McKenzie did notice the problem with subject/verb agreement. Steve was past tense, but "trust," "deserves"?_

When she woke up, McKenzie knew something wasn't right, but the fog settled quickly on the dream and she fell back into a fitful sleep.

**H-5-O**

Danny arrived in the morning as he said he would. Steve hadn't slept much, and was already going over the possible locations for Hesse.

"Have you eaten?" Danny asked.

"What?" Steve looked at him as if he had spoken Latin. Again.

"Food. Steven. I know, I don't feel like it either, but you were shot yesterday. Twice"

"Right." Steve stopped what he was doing and headed for the kitchen.

Danny was surprised that he'd given in so easily, but the more he thought about it, he wouldn't have had much interest in arguing either.

It wasn't long before the smell of coffee wafted through the dark building. Danny followed Steve into the kitchen, wanting to say something, wondering why he couldn't think of anything. There had never been silence like this between the two of them.

But what was there to say? Both of them were so intent on getting the ordeal over with, talking might seem like lingering.

"Any ideas?" Danny finally asked.

Steve didn't reply for a second. "Not yet," he said.

"The governor wanted me to tell you that you are authorized to use whatever means necessary."

"I thought I already was."

"I think she means, 'get rid of him; I don't care how'."

"You mean like assassination?"

"I don't know. Is that what you'd call it?"

"You mean if I kill him instead if trying to arrest him? Yes."

"Well, I think that's what you're allowed to do. Weren't you a sniper anyway?"

"I never said that."

"I think you did."

Steve shook his head.

"Oh, you just smiled when I asked if that was your specialty, didn't you?" Danny shrugged. "I thought that was a yes."

"I never _said_ I was a sniper."

"Fine. You never said it. The point is, you wouldn't ever have to be close to him."

"For one thing, this isn't war. For another, this isn't just about him. We need to find his connection to Wo Fat. He kept saying 'we'."

Danny shook his head. "It's just hard to believe it was him all along. I mean, Hesse never intended to get his brother back. It was all part of this... whatever it is."

"Yeah. Whatever it is. We need to do some reconnaissance."

"Define reconnaissance."

"'An exploratory survey or examination, as in seeking out information about enemy positions or installments—"

"Yeah. Okay. I was just making sure that's really what you meant... Did you memorize that from the dictionary?"

"I knew I would have to explain it to you."

"No, if you always meant what other people mean by words, we wouldn't have this problem."

"Language is a living thing, Danny. Didn't they teach you that in 'real college'?"

"No. You learned that from your bibliophile wife."

"That's Greek, isn't it?"

"Yes, you're very smart."

"So, are you going to be able to help me?"

"How much?"

"Well, I thought we could go see what there is to see. Since I'm dead, we can't talk to anyone."

"I know you don't mean talk when you say talk."

"See, you're figuring this out."

"Sure. So officially, the Navy is going after Hesse again. I can't let anyone know I'm still working on it."

"You won't be going back to work right away, will you?"

"No. But people are still going to wonder where I am."

"Yeah." Steve looked around the small room, the space between himself and his partner. "This is going to be a lot harder than we thought."

**H-5-O**

McKenzie's eyes opened at 5:30 AM. Yesterday, she would have closed them again, but she couldn't. Her arm stretched out over the empty space beside her.

She got up, not wanting to feel it anymore. She pulled on her sweats and quietly left the house.

The ocean was a pale yellow color where the just rising sun reflected off it. McKenzie didn't go in the water. She didn't like swimming alone, especially in the ocean.

With something like a laugh, she realized why that was. When she was five years old, Jim had taken her and Kyle to Cannon Beach for the weekend while Michelle was at a conference. She didn't go very far into the water, but a riptide pulled her under.

For one second, she was convinced she was going to die. Until Kyle reached her, and pulled her out. It was only a month later that he was sent away to the state prison.

McKenzie felt tears welling up in her eyes. The scenery blurred as she tried to blink them away. She never wanted to need anyone so badly again. But she had. She did.

Wiping her face on her sleeve, McKenzie stared walking up the beach. There was no one up so early, no birds singing. Eventually, she sat down in the sand and watched the sun completely escape the horizon.

Hugging her knees to her chest, McKenzie let out a deep sigh. Her chest ached, as if someone had stood on it the entire night. She had a feeling that wasn't going to change any time soon.

Somehow, that made it seem more bearable. It was supposed to hurt. She didn't know how she was going to go on, but she knew she would. There were too many reasons to live for her to imagine that her existence depended solely on one person. Her happiness, however, was another matter. Her happiness did depend on one person. But she didn't need to be happy; she needed to be alive.

For now, that had to be enough. Perhaps someday her child will fill some of the hole Steve had left. She hoped so.

**H-5-O**

Mary Ann found McKenzie on the beach, walking back toward the house.

"You okay?" she asked.

McKenzie looked her in the eye. Those same eyes. She shrugged. "I don't know."

There was a pause as neither of them quite knew what to say.

"There's a guy at the door," Mary said. "Says he wants to talk to you."

"Who?"

"A doctor something-or-other."

"Oh."

It was Dr. Eisner. He had heard about what happened and came over as soon as he thought socially acceptable.

Of course, McKenzie invited him in for breakfast and tea. Being busy in the kitchen was not the same as before. It was frankly depressing. Eisner could tell.

"How are you?" he asked genuinely, as McKenzie places breakfast on the table.  
>"Thinking I'm going to be tired of hearing that soon."<p>

"I honestly want to know."

"There are no words. I was thinking this morning. I have to live; I don't have to be happy. That's all I know."

"I see."

"Really?" McKenzie sounded skeptical and teary.

"Yes. Altruism. People kill themselves for it. You have decided to live for it."

"This isn't some warped sense of duty. It's... imperative. There is nothing else."

"Yet, I have the feeling everything you do from now on will be for your child, never yourself."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No. But... who will take care of you when you don't?"

There was a sigh from the other side of the table. "I will," Mary said.


	8. Divine Comedy

**So, I had a couple of things come up this week, and didn't update as soon as I thought I would. Sorry about that. Thanks for the constant reviews.**

**Chapter Eight "Divine Comedy"**

"**_Midway on our life's journey, I found myself in dark woods, the right road lost."~Dante Alighieri, _The Inferno**

_August 5, 2011_

_I have a feeling I must look terrible, but I wouldn't know; I can't look in the mirror. There's a metallic taste on my tongue and not like when I 'm in a gun fight. I would prefer that._

_I would be happy, yes happy, if Steve were here and we were hanging people off buildings, and getting shot at, and bleeding._

_At least we would be alive. This... this is just some kind of limbo._

_For some reason, I've been thinking of the _Divine Comedy_. And remembering that comedy used to mean something had a happy ending. Traditionally, there was a lot of crap that went on before that happy ending._

Much Ado about Nothing_ comes to mind. Hero had to play dead because she was falsely accused. Well, this isn't exactly nothing, but it's not what anyone thinks._

_When she came back to life, everyone was happy. I hope it will be that way, but I have a nagging feeling that everyone will be fairly pissed. Except maybe Chin. I'm sure he knows something's up, but he'll never say anything._

_I don't know how long I'll be able to keep this up. It's only been a day and I'm already having a hard time not saying anything._

_Yes, I know why I'm doing this. They're my family too. He's my family._

Danny closed the notebook with a loud _thump_. He wasn't sure what possessed him to write his thoughts down. Perhaps the need for someone to read them. He knew he would get in trouble if anyone found out, but that didn't stop him.

He heard a creak on the stairs. He wasn't used to living in a house yet, much less one with stairs, but the warning was nice. He put the notebook in a drawer and tried to look listless.

"Where've you been?" Kono asked, standing on the bottom step. She looked across the small living room where Danny was sitting on the couch.

"I went for a drive," Danny replied, truthfully enough.

Kono didn't reply, but crossed the room and sat next to him. "We'll find him," she finally said.

Danny shook his head. "We're not supposed to. It's not our case anymore."

"When did that stop him?"

He nodded. "I know. You're right. We will find Hesse."

**H-5-O**

When Mary broke three plates, McKenzie finally took notice of her mood.

"Are you okay?" McKenzie asked.

Mary had offered to do the dishes after Dr. Eisner had left, but now, they were both regretting it.

"No," Mary grumbled.

McKenzie started to pick up the glass, but Mary waved her off.

"I just don't understand," she said.

"Understand what?" McKenzie asked.

"How you can be so calm."

McKenzie shook her head. "Right now, I'm only feeling two extremes, and I've never been one for insanity."

"I guess that works. But aren't you even the slightest bit angry?"

"Slightest? Way more than that. But you know, Steve was always the one I told these things. Before that, it was my dad."

"At least you had them."

"Yeah."

McKenzie could sense the tension in Mary's voice. She knew that Mary resented her father and probably Steve. But she didn't know what she could do about it. They were family now, but she couldn't imagine a person more different from herself. Mary was frustrated and it showed constantly. McKenzie tended not to show her feelings so readily, except to Steve and maybe Danny now. She didn't think Dr. Eisner counted since he was a psychologist and it was his job to pry into her brain.

McKenzie was sort of surprised at how much she wanted to talk to Danny. He had said to let him know if she needed anything. She figured someone to talk to wasn't too hard for him.

Still, she hesitated to call him, knowing he now had his own family to worry about.

It was late afternoon before she finally hit two on her speed dial. It only rang once.

"Hey," Danny said. "You doing okay?"

"Sort of," McKenzie replied. "Do you have a minute?"

"Sure. What do you need?"

"Just... I don't know. This is weird."

"What is?"

"Living with her. I don't know anything about her, but she's his sister and this is practically her house."

"Do you want to stay with us for a while?"

"No, I—no. It's just that she's obviously very upset and I don't know what to do."

"Do you hear yourself?"

"Rarely."

"Okay, McKenzie, you don't need to do anything. Everyone is upset."

"Well, what should I do with her?"

"I don't know. Talk to her? You probably have more in common than you think."

"I wish you didn't have to be so rational all the time."

"I am truly sorry for that. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah. I'll call you, um, later, I guess."

"Anytime. I'll drop everything."

"Unless it's something explosive. Please don't do that."

"I'll put you on speaker then."

"You are taking some time off aren't you?"

"Yeah... technically."

**H-5-O**

McKenzie called Danny nearly every day. It was more therapeutic than talking to Eisner, perhaps because Danny seemed to be taking things so well. That didn't exactly make sense, but nothing in McKenzie's life was making sense.

While time seemed to stand still, it actually sped forward. McKenzie started school and didn't think twice. She went to the doctor regularly. She spent as much time with Danny as possible.

Mary moved out after a few weeks, but she kept close tabs on McKenzie.

Not far away, but far enough, Steve had stopped counting time in days, then weeks. When the months became plural, he only felt numb. That was an improvement. The blissful numbness was something he had lived with since he was a teenager. It had stayed with him until that fateful day in January when he met a mentally unstable witness. Now it was back.

The only thing that kept Steve from feeling like a horrible person were the nights he would lay awake, the gnawing pain in his chest back with full force. He could bury it during the day, when he was working. But when he was alone in the dark, he could no longer shut out his feelings, his pain, his shame.

Because he wasn't the same. The man who buried all the trappings of loss so far deep he thought no one would ever find them was gone. It surprised Steve, but it shouldn't have, that he spent so much time thinking of his father, his mother, and himself as he used to be.

McKenzie had given him some relief of the numbness, but she wasn't there anymore. He had to feel everything, and no amount of justification helped him sleep at night.

He lost count of how many times he and Danny talked about coming clean. But he never lost count of the days, weeks, and then months that passed since he had seen his wife and child. Yet, the thought of them reminded him that he couldn't come back to life. Not for a while longer.

It was November, the absolute worst month ever, when Danny brought Steve a small envelope.

"What's this?" Steve asked, opening it.

"The first baby picture," Danny replied, leaning against a chair.

Steve froze for a second. But then his fingers kept moving against his will. It really wasn't much; ultrasound photos never are. Still, he had to sit down. He set the picture on the table in front of him and stared at it.

"It's a girl?" Steve finally said.

"Yeah," Danny replied. "McKenzie was annoyed."

"What?"

"She said, 'now I have to come up with a name for her'. She'd only picked out boy names."

Steve hands came to rest under his chin. Then he nodded and stood up again. He put the picture in a prominent place on the main desk, and acted like he was going to get back to work.

"That's it?" Danny said.

Steve looked back at him. The look in his eyes was unmistakable. "I know why I'm doing this," was all he said.

And they got back to work.


	9. Deviations

**Thanks again for all the reviews. You guys are the best.**

**Chapter Nine "Deviations"**

"_**The least initial deviation from the truth is multiplied later a thousandfold."~Aristotle**_

Kono knew she was pregnant by early October, but she kept it to herself at first. She didn't exactly have a reason for this, except that she knew Danny was keeping something from her. That in itself was more an excuse than a reason.

She wasn't offended. She wasn't even very angry, except she was. The more overwhelming feeling was of loneliness.

It was never that way before. Danny would tell her anything of she asked, but now, he made excuses for his strange behavior and prolonged absences. At first, Kono credited it to losing Steve. Yet, Danny rarely spoke of his deceased partner, unless he had to. He had told Kono of his promise, though, that he would make sure McKenzie and her baby were taken care of. That was to be expected.

It was the times Danny wasn't with McKenzie that concerned Kono. It seemed like an awful lot of time to himself, if that's what it was. Kono suspected he was still investigating Wo Fat, even though they had been told not to. She understood that. But why wouldn't he tell her?

Things were getting out of hand. Kono wouldn't be able to hide her growing waistline for much longer. She had a feeling Danny already knew. Or strongly suspected.

So why didn't he say anything? Kono sometimes felt that he was becoming too much like Chin. It was thoughts like these that had her worried. In the past few months, she had hardly spoken to Chin except at work. That wasn't normal at all, but he was always evading her questions.

She wasn't sure why, but one afternoon, she got out Danny's notebook. She knew he had been writing, but she had no idea what. Until now, she had respected his privacy. But the need for some kind of answers drove her to open the book. What she read there shocked her

**H-5-O**

McKenzie glared at the computer screen. was not being helpful at all. There were several reasons this was the case. For one thing, she didn't like any of the family names except Anne, which wouldn't work for a first name for a variety of reasons. She had decided it would be the middle name, but that wasn't the problem.

The problem was, McKenzie liked certain name meanings, but not the names associated with them. Perhaps she was being too selective. Both Danny and Mary had told her to stop obsessing over it.

Deep down, McKenzie knew why she was, though. She had wanted a boy.

It wasn't that she loved the baby any less because she wasn't a boy. But she had imagined a little boy who looked like his father. Girls were different. Girls required more protection. The responsibility was more than McKenzie wanted to bear.

But she had no choice, and really she didn't want anything to be different than it was.

Well, she did want Steve to be alive.

**H-5-O**

Kono stared at the page, not sure what it meant. Danny had written it shortly after Victor Hesse had come back for Steve. It didn't make sense.

Steve was dead.

Kono heard the front door open and close. She was glad Grace wasn't there, because this was a perfect time to find some answers.

When Danny came into the living room, his expression was unreadable. That was new.

"What is this?" Kono held up the book.

"A journal," Danny answered, truthfully enough.

"Explain August 15th."

There was a long pause. "I can't."

"Stop lying to me!"

"It's the truth! I can't tell you. I can't explain."

"It said orders. Whose orders?"

"Kono, I can't answer your questions."

"What did you mean, you would bring him home? Danny, Steve is dead. You seem to be the only one that doesn't get that. Is this some kind of secret revenge mission?"

"No. Please believe me. Everything will be okay."

"How can you say that? You've been lying to me about something, but you won't tell me what. And you say everything will be okay? You're getting to be just like Chin, you know that?"

"Yeah. I know. Please... trust me."

"Is Steve dead? Really?"

Danny didn't answer.

**H-5-O**

In the months Steve had been hiding, they had come very little closer to catching Hesse. Frustration mounted for a variety of reasons. The impossibility of the circumstances made Danny and Steve suffer in in different ways, and in some ways, the same.

Because they watched each other. Over the course of their relationship, they had learned to read one another. They became empathic. So, when they were together, any pain was magnified exponentially.

Sometimes, when they were working, it felt like they were the same person because they were fixated on the same goal for basically the same motivation.

It made it that much harder when they were alone. Because they were alone anywhere else. Only the two of them fully grasped what was going on, if even they did.

It was late November when Danny couldn't keep quiet anymore. Steve was the only person he could be honest with in any capacity.

"Kono's pregnant," he said suddenly.

Steve turned form the computer screen where he had been checking surveillance cameras.

"What?" he said.

"You heard me."

"You don't sound happy."

"Well... she didn't exactly tell me. She has been for a while, but she hasn't said anything. She's... she's not talking to me. Not really."

"Why?"

"Because she knows something's going on. I don't know what she must think, but it can't be good. A while ago she found some stuff I'd written back in August. She asked me about it and I said I couldn't tell her anything. Ever since then... it's been quiet."

"What did you write?"

"Just thoughts. Nothing really specific, but anyone with half a brain could read between the lines. She doesn't know you're alive; I think she thinks I'm in denial or something."

"Have you asked her about...?"

"No. No, I can't because if she doesn't want to tell me, I have no right to."

"Danny, she's your wife."

"The same one I'm lying to. The one who knows I'm lying to her."

"So... I don't know. Give her something. Tell her enough that she'll trust you."

"What's that? You know her. She's never satisfied until she knows the whole story. And as it stands, she can't."

Steve sighed and rubbed his forehead. "I don't know, Danny. I guess we just get back to work and pray this is over soon."

"What have we achieved so far? Really?"

"We have a strong case against Noshimuri, and he has no idea. Still, that's not what we wanted."

"I'm going to ask around and see if I can find out just why these guys wanted you dead."

"Around? You mean you're going to see my brother-in-law?"

"Well, now that he thinks you're dead, he might be more willing to share."

"Yeah. Maybe. I wouldn't put it past him to dance on my grave if he got the chance."

"Well, I can use that. If I can just get him talking, I can get what I want out of him because I have the advantage of knowing more than he does."

"Be careful, Danny."

"When am I not careful?"

"When people piss you off. And Kyle's good at that. You don't want to draw a target on your own back."

"He won't know what I'm after; I can be subtle."

"Really? I'd like to see this."

"Shut up."

"Yeah. Get going, Danno."

**H-5-O**

Danny entered the interrogation room at Halawa Correctional Facility looking impassive. Kyle Carpenter sat at the metal table, cuffed and not particularly happy.

"How's prison life treating you?" Danny asked, sitting across from Kyle.

Kyle shook his head. "What do you want, Jersey?"

"Well, I assume you've heard."

"That super cop is dead? Yeah, What of it?"

"You were instrumental in Victor Hesse's escape. That makes you an accessory. Now, maybe that makes you happy, but just because you're in prison doesn't mean you can't be prosecuted. You're never getting out of here."

"Does that make you feel better?"

"Yeah. It does. And I'll find Hesse; it's only a matter of time."

"No, you won't. You think you're so powerful 'cause you've got the governor behind you? These people don't play by your rules."

"Well, guess what, Kyle, I don't play by theirs."

"You don't get it, none of you. You have limits, standards. You won't kill an unarmed man, and you have to worry about protecting innocents. Hesse, Wo Fat, all of them, they don't have that problem."

"You know what they say; I have something worth fighting for, something your brother-in-law died for."

"And you're ready to die for it too, huh? Guess I knew that. You, my dad, my sister, your dead partner, you're all the same. Whatever happened to survival of the fittest?"

"I guess that depends on your definition of 'fittest.' Darwin was a quack anyway."

"So what's your definition."

Danny smirked. "Steve McGarrett."

**H-5-O**

"He gave me Wo Fat," Danny told Steve the next day.

"What?" Steve couldn't believe it.

"He said Hesse and Wo Fat have no problem killing innocents."

"That's it?"

"Yeah, but I don't think he realized what he was saying. It's enough to ask Wo Fat some questions."

Steve inhaled through his teeth." Danny, you'd better watch your back."

"I know. Kyle said something about me dying for the same thing you did. But this means I'm getting close."

"You need backup."

"Well, I'd love that, but who would you suggest?"

"I think it's about time we brought some people in on the secret. We can't get anything done on our own."

Danny nodded. "There aren't many we can trust, you know."

"Yeah. Just Chin, Kono, and Kaye."

"So, how am I gonna keep them from killing me when I tell them? And what about the governor?"

"Bring them here and don't tell them why. The governor doesn't need to know until it's over."

"And what about McKenzie?"

Steve hesitated. "No. As long as she thinks I'm dead, I have to stay away from her. Everyone's safer that way."


	10. The Hardest Thing to Believe

**Chapter Ten "The Hardest Thing to Believe"**

"_**This is so unnerving; I know you've never lied to me before, but the things you're telling me I can't yet believe, yet can't ignore... and the only thing that's left for me to do is to trust you. Put the emphasis on the evidence, begging for the proof. Sometimes the hardest thing to believe is the truth."~Relient K**_

Mary Ann was about ready to pull her hair out. Over the past few months, she had come to love her sister-in-law, but McKenzie could be exasperating sometimes.

"Just call her Jane!" Mary grumbled after yet another etymological discussion. She was completely over the novelty of name-meanings.

"But I don't like that name," McKenzie said.

"Okay, pick a name you like. Is that so hard?"

For a second, McKenzie seemed to zone out. It wasn't until Mary was asking if she was okay that she realized it.

"Huh?" she blinked rapidly. "Oh. Sorry. Um, your brother used to say that."

Mary nodded, pressing her lips together. She remembered. Whenever Steve had succeeded in convincing her to do something, like a new surfing trick he learned, or factoring, he would say that.

But McKenzie remembered like it was yesterday, sitting on the beach. Her beach. It was dark and the sound of the waves calmed her frayed nerves. She told him she loved him for the first time, and he said, "Was that so hard?"

The feelings were still acute. McKenzie knew someday she wouldn't feel this way, but just then, her heart beat faster at the thought. Sometimes in her mind, she could be back on that beach before everything fell apart.

**H-5-O**

Danny had two problems. One was telling the secret. The other was keeping it. He knew what he had to do, and at this point, telling three people was better than none. It just wasn't the three he would have chosen if it were his choice to make. Still, they were the best and only options. As much as Danny wanted McKenzie to know the truth, she couldn't help them.

There was the little matter of broaching the subject at all that had Danny worried. As tense as things had been, he wasn't sure what kind of reaction he would get.

So, he stared across the kitchen at Kono's back. He didn't know where to begin to tell her the truth.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Hey," she replied, not turning around.

"Do you think I don't know."

She didn't reply.

"I can tell," Danny continued. "But... I understand why you haven't said anything. You feel like everyone's been keeping secrets from you and you can't stand it. You want the truth. Believe me when I say, so do I."

"So, are you going to tell me?" Kono turned to face him, making eye contact for what seemed like the first time in forever.

"I will," Danny said. "Tomorrow. You'll get all the answers you want. It's been." Danny sighed. "Hell, keeping this from you. But everything will come out right in the end."

Kono bit the side of her lip. "I don't know what to think, what I should believe."

Danny crossed the small space and put his hands on her shoulders. "I love you," he said. "I... I don't know if you can forgive me, but I'm hoping tomorrow, you'll see why I had to do this."

Kono brought her hands up to rest inside his elbows, and leaned her forehead against his. "It's a boy," she said quietly.

Danny's sharp intake of breath was his only reply. He had a son.

**H-5-O**

When the morning came, Danny was actually sort of looking forward to his day. Yes, he was still afraid that he might not come out of it alive, but the relief of someone else knowing the truth was completely worth that risk.

Of course, there was the inevitable, "are we there yet"s from everyone else in the car as they drove toward the hideout.

"You guys are worse than children," Danny finally said. "Didn't I tell you, you'd find out?"

"Several times," Kono grumbled.

"You have the attention span of a gnat."

"Well, a gnat only lives for like a week anyway."

"Yeah? Well, I'd say you have about sixty more years in you."

"So you're implying that I should sit here in silence?"

"No. I think there might be something else you could talk about, because I'm not telling you where we're going."

"How long have they been married," Jenna asked from the backseat.

Chin smirked. "About four months," he said. "They just like arguing."

"It's more of an intellectual pursuit," Danny corrected.

"Like when C.S Lewis had to prove every statement he made to his professor," Kono said. Then she slapped her forehead. "I've been hanging out with McKenzie too much."

"She's a good influence." Danny grinned.

"I guess so, if my logic surpasses yours."

"But it doesn't."

"How's that?"

"You're argument was that a gnat only lives a week. That's pretty much irrelevant."

"Okay, but aren't you the one who's always complaining about your life expectancy?"

"Yes, but you don't believe that."

"Now you're telling me what I believe? What kind of argument is that."

Danny fought a smile. "Okay, you're getting it."

Danny then pulled onto a dirt road and in a few minutes he stopped in a large clearing.

"I take it we're not here for sightseeing?" Jenna said as the four of them got out of the car.

"Nope," Danny replied, leading the other three across the clearing to a place where the vegetation started to become thicker as it merged into the jungle around them. Suddenly, he stopped and started pulling back plants from the ground. Then the other three found themselves looking at a metal panel in the ground.

Danny got out his phone and called someone. "Hey, we're here," he said. "You wanna let us in?" There was a short pause and then Danny looked annoyed. "Password? Seriously? If you don't recognize my voice by now... Right. 'Beware the Ides of March'." Danny hung up and the others stared at him.

"Your password is 'Beware the Ides of March'?" Jenna asked, incredulously.

"Not my idea," Danny said.

Just then, the metal panel opened revealing a steep staircase with dim lights overhead aver few feet.

"Are you following me into the scary pit?" Danny asked, giving the others a sideways grin.

"When are you going to tell us what's down here?" Chin asked as they stared down.

"When we get there," Danny replied.

At the bottom of the stairs was a huge metal door with a keypad on it. Danny punched in the code and the door swung open. Inside was dark except for the countless computer monitors, but the three newcomers didn't really notice this. They were looking at the man standing at the head of a long table. He stood straight with his feet apart and hands behind his back. He was unmistakable.

There was a collective gasp. Then Kono smacked Danny's shoulder, hard. He would have a bruise later.

"I'd kill you two, but that would be counterproductive," she said. Then she hugged Steve, probably giving him bruises too.

"It's nice to see you too," he said, smiling.

She slapped the back of his head. "I'm not talking to you."


	11. Never Be the Same

**Thanks for your great reviews. This chapter is a little longer, 'cause I just love you all so much.**

**Chapter Eleven "Never Be the Same"**

"_**I know you. Who are you now? Look into my eyes if you can't remember... You're the only voice my heart can recognize, but I can't hear you now."~Red**_

Kono slapped the back of Steve's head. "I'm not talking to you," she said.

"Well I am," Chin said. "I want to know what's going on here."

"Me too," Jenna said.

"Think about it," Steve said.

"I think the question is," Chin began, "why are you bringing us in _now_?"

"Two reasons: I can't be seen or this whole things is pointless, and I'm not sending Danny after Wo Fat alone."

"I thought this was about Hesse," Kono said.

"It is, but Wo Fat is the way to Hesse, and Kyle gave Danny a hint."

"Hint," Danny said. "It was more a passing reference, but enough to ask some questions. Thing is, we're pretty sure asking Wo Fat questions could get a guy killed, so backup would be appreciated... That is, if you all don't want to kill me."

"I think we'll let you live for now," Kono said. "You talked to Kyle?"

"I don't consider any interaction with that man talking," Danny argued. "Perhaps we talked _at_ each other."

"Well, then it's only a matter of prepositions."

"Only."

"Wow, I've missed a lot," Steve said.

"True," Danny replied. "I did exchange words with Kyle Carpenter yesterday. It was largely pointless, but he connected Hesse to Wo Fat. So, we are going to pay a visit to Mr. Fat—if that's even how you say that—and it was unanimously decided that I need backup."

"And the only people who know about this are in this room," Steve said. "It needs to stay that way."

Jenna seemed to be about to say something, but then closed her mouth.

"What?" Steve asked.

"Nothing," she replied. "Later."

**H-5-O**

The plan was simple. Fairly simple, anyway. Danny and Chin would go in and talk to Wo Fat while Kono and Jenna waited outside, watching for any threats, and ready to provide backup. There was some argument about the arrangement, but Danny was feeling a little more than protective, and being technically in charge, he got to make that decision. Steve backed him up, after which both Kono and Jenna told him to shut up.

Still, when they arrived at Wo Fat's mansion, the two of them waited by the car, while Danny and Chin went inside. But they never spoke to Wo Fat. As soon as they got to the door, all hell broke loose.

The first sound of gunfire was unmistakable, and Danny and Chin hit the ground. They were a few feet from the front door, and presently returned fire around the manicured hedges.

"It was a trap," Danny muttered.

"You think Kyle knew that?" Chin asked, breathlessly.

"Wouldn't put it past him. Irrelevant now."

"We need to find better cover; we can't see them from here."

"Yeah. Hey, Kono."

"Yeah," came the breathy voice in Danny's ear. "Danny, we're taking heavy fire. I've called in HPD backup. Can you get out of there?"

"Guess we'll find out. Be careful."

"You too."

"All right, Chin, let's see if we can't even the odds a bit."

"Sounds like a plan," Chin agreed.

The reassuring sound of sirens in the distance gave the two of them the necessary push to break cover in search of a better position. They made it to the end of the walkway, returning fire along the way. Then they took up residence on either side of the arched stone gate. It was then, they began hitting their marks.

Around that time, HPD SWAT arrived, ending the short-lived battle. Danny gave orders to find Wo Fat and anyone else alive at the house. But soon, he wasn't thinking about that.

"Danny!" It was Jenna's voice that called him over to Kono's car, which was full of bullet holes. He could see Jenna standing on the other side of it, but not Kono. His stomach twisted into complex knots as his fears materialized and were then confirmed.

Danny slid to his knees on the street, his hand going to Kono's side, where dark blood stained her shirt.

"No, no, no," he muttered under his breath.

"It's..." Kono began. "It's not bad." But her shallow breathing and erratic pulse said otherwise.

"Okay, just stay calm. You'll be okay."

"EMS was right behind us, sir," an nearby officer said.

"Thanks," Chin told him, kneeling next to Danny.

Within seconds, EMTs were lifting Kono onto a stretcher and loading her into an ambulance.

"Go with her, brah," Chin said. "We got this covered."

"Okay," Danny said, seeming disoriented. "I'll call you."

He got into the ambulance and they sped off toward the hospital. The knots in Danny's stomach only tightened with every passing second. He prayed the wound wasn't serious, that it was far enough away from the baby.

**H-5-O**

McKenzie wasn't sure what she was going to do. In fact, she didn't even know why Danny had called her until he knew what was going on. She had her suspicions.

McKenzie had been on that side of the ER doors before. She knew exactly what was going through Danny's head. She only hoped he didn't have to know her pain in the end.

She found him pacing the waiting room. His right hand was bloody and some of it had gotten onto his clothes.

Not bothering to say anything, McKenzie just hugged Danny, hoping he would know she understood.

He did. More than she probably realized.

"Have you heard anything?" McKenzie asked as they finally released one another.

"Not yet," Danny said. His voice sounded scratchy.

"How did she look?"

"Uh, she was awake, talking a little, when they brought her in. I think she'll be okay, but..."

McKenzie nodded as she realized the other danger they faced. "The baby," she said.

Danny was only half surprised that she knew. He met her eyes and nodded.

They sat down, and for what seemed like hours, neither said anything. It was really only an hour before Rachel and Grace arrived and Chin had called a few minutes before, saying he was on his way.

"Danno, is Kono gonna be okay?" Grace asked as she hugged her father tightly.

"I hope so, Monkey," Danny replied, trying to keep his composure.

A door opened and closed and an unfamiliar voice called out, "Williams family?"

Everyone stood up and waited for the doctor to speak again. Just then, Chin and Kamekona came into the room.

"What's the news?" Chin asked.

"I was about to let everyone know," the doctor replied. "Please sit down."

Everyone did so and the doctor continued.

"Officer Kalakaua-Williams' injuries were not serious. She is stable and should recover quickly."

There was a collective sigh of relief, but Danny still felt the knots, stubbornly refusing to untangle.

"And?" he said.

The doctor nodded. "And we were very concerned about the little one. At first we thought we would lose him, but he's been hanging on. It's too soon to say, but he's a fighter for being so small."

"Like someone else we know," Rachel said, giving Danny a look that said she was not happy at being kept in the dark, but that she was hopeful that his son would be all right.

"She's awake now," the doctor said. "A couple of visitors would be all right."

"Okay," Danny said, nodding. "Thank you." He shook the doctor's hand and then turned to the rest of them.

"Go ahead," Chin said. "I'll make the calls."

"You're sure?" Danny asked. Chin only nodded, and Danny headed down the hall.

**H-5-O**

Kono wasn't exactly aware of being awake at first. She felt tired and scared and something else she couldn't place. As her eyes fluttered open, she saw the face of her husband, looking a little worse for the wear.

She reached her hand out to him and he caught it.

"You're gonna be okay," he said, smiling.

"And our baby?" she asked hoarsely.

Danny looked down. "He's still hanging in there. The doctor says he's a fighter."

"So, how... how sure are they?"

Danny shook his head. "I don't know. We just have to believe he'll be all right."

Kono nodded, but was unable to help the tears that ran down her face. Danny reached over and brushed her hair back with his other hand. His fingers came to rest on her neck and he felt the silver chain she always wore.

Danny blinked several times and said a quick prayer in his head. _God, please don't take him from us. I know I deserve it for what I've done, but... Please don't let him die._

**H-5-O**

Later that day, Danny left Kono's side for a while to let others visit her. Jenna had arrived in that time and the two of them were left alone in the waiting room while Chin and McKenzie were with Kono and Kamekona took Rachel and Grace to get something to eat.

"What happened?" Danny asked.

Jenna looked at her feet. "We were pinned down, I... I don't know what happened. I thought she was covered."

"You thought?" Danny didn't mean to sound so accusing, except he did.

"We were both behind the car. She was right next to me. I guess she stood up to return fire and..."

"You guess? It's guessing that gets people killed." Danny couldn't keep the emotion out of his voice, and he wasn't really trying. He rubbed his face. "You shouldn't have even been there. I should have known."

"That Wo Fat was going to try to kill us all? Some detective skills you have there. It's no one's fault except the one who pulled the trigger. And even if I wasn't there, what are the chances this wouldn't have happened anyway?"

Danny sat down heavily. Perhaps he was only looking for someone to blame. It was true that Jenna didn't know how to cover someone, but Danny had put them together. It was just too impossible to conceive that his son might die and it would be no one's fault.

Jenna was just an easy target. If Steve had been there... Danny stopped himself at that thought. It was no use thinking of what ifs.

**H-5-O**

It was late that night that Steve's phone rang. That was very unusual. He thought it might be Danny with more news about Kono until he saw the number.

"Kaye?" he answered.

"'Beware the Ides of March'," she replied.

Steve shook his head and input the code to open the outer door. He had to open the second one too, because Jenna didn't know how.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I need to talk to you," she said.

"About?"

"Well... I think Danny blames me for what happened, and I'm starting to think he's right."

Steve didn't say anything for a second.

Jenna continued. "I was supposed to cover her, and I didn't."

Steve shook his head. "Danny is upset, understandably. You have no training in this. You can't be expected to keep other people safe. It's not your fault, and trust me, Danny won't think so tomorrow."

"How do you know?"

"How do I know? I've been working with him for over a year. He's loud and abrasive and sometimes offensive, but he's fiercely loyal. Even if he did blame you—which he doesn't—he'd forgive you."

"But his son..."

"Is hanging on. Worrying about whose fault it is won't help anyone."

Steve couldn't believe he was having this conversation. He really hadn't wanted to spend his evening reassuring an under-confident analyst. What he really wanted to do was be with Danny and Kono, but that was impossible.

**H-5-O**

Looking at Kono, McKenzie was reminded of a time she feared for her child's life. Steve had give his up for her, but Danny didn't have that chance. Still, there was hope. The doctors had started calling the little Williams stubborn. Nothing could be more suitable for the son of two of the stubbornest people McKenzie had ever known.

She had faith that he would make it.

Still, the close call brought back memories McKenzie would rather have forgotten. As she drove home late that night, she thought of how different things would have been if Steve were still alive. She tried not to make a habit of this, but she was tired and emotionally spent.

The dreams wouldn't be there. Not if Steve weren't dead. McKenzie often dreamed that she was searching the house for something, but she could never remember what it was, and it was awfully important. Sometimes she dreamed that Steve was there, but he wasn't the same. Then she would wake up and for one horrifying second, she wouldn't even remember the sound of his voice.

McKenzie pulled into her driveway and shut off the car. As she walked up the pathway, she stared at the house that had been theirs for such a short time. Inside, she armed the security system, and gazed around the front room. This used to be her favorite place, but now it seemed hollow and silent.

She kicked off her shoes and curled up on the couch. Tonight, she couldn't stand sleeping alone where he used to be.


	12. After a Lie

**Annoying Author's Note Pt. 1: **So, a lot of my (awesome) reviews have been saying how sad this story is (like all of them). I'm hoping that's a good thing. It seems to be working. However, in this chapter there might be _some_ resolution. I suppose we'll see.

**Annoying Author's Note Pt. 2: **Someone left a large envelope on my doorstep today. If it hadn't been invitations for my sister-in-law's baby shower, I'm sure it would have been from Wo Fat, because I think Steve lives in my backyard and eats coyotes and stray cats.

**Chapter Twelve "After a Lie"**

"**It's like the breath before the dive. It's like the truth after a lie... Like I love you when you're gone, escaping in the dawn."~Falling Up**

"Was there something else?" Steve asked Jenna, as she didn't seem ready to leave.

"Earlier, I started to say something," she said. "But I decided it wasn't a good time. Your... your wife doesn't know, does she?"

Steve shook his head. "No. And I know what you're going to say, so don't."

"She thinks you're dead. How can I not say something?"

"I wanted her to know at first, but... there are a lot of reasons she shouldn't. She's safe; that's the important thing."

"You don't think she could keep the secret?"

"Oh, I'm sure she could. But if she knew, that would be one less reason for me to stay away from her."

"I guess I just don't understand."

"Victor Hesse and Wo Fat wanted me dead. As long as they believed I was alive, everyone I loved was in danger. But they're safe now. I can't risk them finding out."

Jenna only nodded. "I suppose you know what you're doing." She didn't sound convinced, but she left anyway, and Steve was alone again. He had become accustomed to that, but there were times when he felt literally tired of it.

So, he shut everything down for the night and made sure the security system was activated. As he changed his clothes, he noticed the healing scars on his chest. The damage was all but gone. Yet he could still feel the bullets tearing through his flesh as he lay down on the small bed.

It wasn't the bullets; he knew that, but it was easier to think of it that way. Easier not to have to hug Danny every time he came and ask him to stay longer because Steve was just so damn lonely.

It was easier to close his eyes and pretend he was back in the SEALs, when he was alone and didn't care. But he did care, even then, he had. And now, it was so much different.

In the end, knowing he was doing the only thing he could do didn't help him sleep. What did was knowing that tomorrow he would be one step closer to going home.

**H-5-O**

Chin and Danny stayed in the hospital with Kono. They took turns sleeping because neither one wanted to leave her unwatched. It was early in the morning when she woke to find her cousin watching her. He smiled in a way only he could.

"How you feeling, Cos'?" he asked.

"Mmph," Kono replied.

"You feel like talking?"

"About what?"

"Ask me the question you've been dying to for months now... and I'll answer you."

Kono hesitated. She knew what he meant. Still, she wasn't sure of the answer would be what she wanted to hear. She had to ask. "How could you take her back?"

Chin shook his head. "I didn't; she took me."

"What?"

"Malia never left me. She believed me, just like you. I broke our engagement to protect her... and I was wrong."

Kono didn't know how to react at first. She had spent so long hating Malia for hurting Chin and now it turned out he was to blame. But she would never have expected him to admit he was wrong, like he did.

"And she forgave you?" Kono finally asked.

"Yes." Chin nodded. "She wanted to come see you and I knew I had to tell you the truth. Kono, I'm sorry that I let you believe she left me. You were the only family who still loved me and I didn't want to lose you too."

Kono reached out for his hand. "You'll never lose me, Cos'... and tell Malia to come see me as soon as she can."

**H-5-O**

Danny woke to his phone ringing and at first he didn't know where he was. Chin and Kono looked at him with amused smiles as he answered the call.

"Hello?"

"Morning, Sunshine. Did I wake you up?" came the last voice Danny expected to hear.

"Why are you calling me?"

"I figured it would be safe now."

"Hearing your voice never equates to 'safe' for me."

"Yeah. How's Kono?"

"Right now? She's looking at me like I've got two heads." Danny dropped the phone for a second. "It's our mutual friend."

Kono and Chin nodded and Danny went back to his conversation.

"So, you didn't tell me why you're calling."

"Well, you didn't answer my first question," Steve replied.

"She's fine. Nothing new."

"Okay, the second item on the agenda is why you felt it necessary to yell at Jenna last night."

"How do you know about that?"

"She came out here and told me. And I don't so much care, because you yell at everyone, but it wasn't exactly what I wanted to be doing with my evening."

"You're serious?"

"Not really. Just be careful what you say to her. She's hypersensitive."

"I can't believe we're having this conversation."

"Neither can I... the last thing was a bit more important. I didn't want you to have to come out here today, so a status update would be nice."

Danny rubbed his eyes and felt like going back to sleep. "Uh, the shooters were all killed and Wo Fat was nowhere to be found. HPD is out looking for him now. Nothing on Hesse so far."

"Okay, are you going to be at the office today?"

"Maybe. I don't know."

"Can you be there tonight? After hours."

"What are you thinking?"

"I think I've got some new leads, but I want to work with you on this."

"Right. But how are you going to get in there with no one seeing you."

Danny could hear the smile in Steve's voice. "I have my ways."

**H-5-O**

Sneaking into his own office was not something Steve McGarrett ever thought he would have to do. Still, he had allowed for certain emergencies. So, once he scaled the one section of the building that was out of range of the security cameras, getting inside wasn't difficult.

Once inside his dark office, Steve took off the black sweatshirt he had been wearing just in case anyone saw him. No one did; he made sure of that.

He waited in the dark until a light came on in the outer room and he heard the familiar footsteps of his partner.

Emerging from his office, Steve probably looked like a ghost. He had spent nearly four months underground and his black clothing made him look even lighter. In the dark bunker, Danny hadn't noticed it as much.

"You know," he said, "I can imagine people not believing that you're alive, looking like you do."

"What?" Steve said, not immediately considering the lack of sunlight he'd had.

"Really? You look like a vampire. Be glad no one else is here; they might flee in terror."

Steve shook his head and waked over to the table. "Now that that's out of the way: I have a plan."

"That's not good."

"Depends on how you look at it." Steve brought up some files on the computer. "This warehouse belongs to the Yakuza. Now, everybody knows that, but the entire area is so full of them, that no one dares go in there."

"I take it we dare?"

"Maybe. Being technically dead, I can do things other people can't. I'm going to try to get in there and get eyes on Wo Fat, Hesse, and Sang Min. If I can find them, I'll call you guys and SWAT, and... whoever else feels like joining the party."

"If. What if you can't find them?"

"We keep looking."

"So if we do find them, or one of them, are we going to have a war in the streets, or what?"

"I'm sure it won't come to that. These guys think they're free to do whatever they want. When we show them that's not true, at least some will back off, especially if they see us arresting their leader."

"Or, you know, blowing his head off."

"Yeah, or that."

"So, how do we keep the good guys from shooting you, if it comes to that?"

"They won't see me. If everything goes well—"

"You mean if they resist."

"Yeah. Then I'll be able to come out of hiding."

"If not?"

"Then I'll go back to the bat cave and you get to do your cop thing."

"You know, honestly, I would prefer the sniper thing."

Steve didn't respond because, just then, they heard someone coming up the stairs and then a voice:

"Hey, Danny, I forgot to ask you—"

Steve gripped the edge of the table. His back was to the door, but he knew who that voice belonged to. It had haunted his dreams every night, and even when he was awake, he sometimes thought he could hear her.


	13. Live for Me

**Yay! I've broken 100 reviews! That's more than either of the first two. **

**It's raining. If Steve really lives in my backyard, he's getting wet, but I don't think he minds.**

**Chapter Thirteen "Live for Me"**

"_**Am I supposed to feel happy, when all I ever wanted, it comes with a price? You said that you would die for me. You must live for me too."~The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus**_

McKenzie had spent the evening with Kono and was on her way home when she remembered that she needed to talk to Danny about coming with her to a doctor's appointment the next day. Kono was supposed to go with her, but they were keeping her for observation until they were sure the baby was safe.

McKenzie didn't like to drive and talk on the phone at the same time, because she found herself rather scatterbrained. But she saw Danny's car when she drove by 5-0 HQ, so she decided to stop.

Looking back, Danny would say it was a happy accident. Though, he didn't believe in accidents, Steve didn't, and McKenzie certainly didn't.

Officially, it was an accident.

Steve tightened his grip on the table. She was right there behind him, staring at the back of his head.

Part of him wanted to run, to put off this painful reunion. That was the part of him that needed to die. Of course, it wasn't a good time, but that was pretty irrelevant now.

Steve turned around slowly, completely unaware of how difficult this would be, but knowing he would rather go through any number of violent encounters over again than deal with the situation that now presented itself.

Yet, this was the moment he had been waiting for. He had imagined over and over how this would go, but this wasn't anything like his daydreams.

Steve met McKenzie's eyes and wondered how he managed to stay on his feet. The pain in his chest magnified and he didn't know how long he stopped breathing.

"You're alive?" McKenzie exhaled. She seemed unable to do anything else.

Without taking his eyes from hers, Steve moved toward her, somehow putting one foot before the other. When he was close enough to touch her, he held out his hands and smiled softly.

"I am," he said.

Of course, McKenzie knew why. It made perfect sense, but at the same time, it didn't. In her head, she understood why Steve would fake his death. Victor Hesse wasn't going to rest until Steve was dead. This solved that little problem nicely. And of course, these things had to be very secret. That didn't bother her at all.

What did was that she had believed her husband was dead for four months. She wasn't angry with him for trying to protect her. But she was angry at the whole thing, that it even had to happen.

McKenzie didn't take Steve's hands. Instead she wrapped her arms around him and cried silently against his chest. This was what she had needed all those nights she cried alone. What she had needed when she heard the words "he's gone" was for Steve to hold her and tell her it was all a lie and that he would never leave her.

At this point, McKenzie wasn't sure if the seeming lack of oxygen in the room was because she was so emotional or because Steve was holding her so tightly.

"McKenzie, I'm so sorry," he said.

She could feel his voice in her toes. Of course, she forgave him, even though she knew he would do the same thing again if given the choice.

"Steve, I love you," she whispered, only realizing after the words had left her mouth how much she had longed to say them.

Steve heard the slight quiver in McKenzie's voice, but for a second all that mattered were the words.

"I love you, McKenzie," he said. He kissed her hair. "I missed you."

She turned her face up toward his. Not needing to think, she kissed him firmly and he kissed back automatically. For a short time, it was as if they had never been apart.

**H-5-O**

Danny removed himself to his office when he saw McKenzie. Even though this was supposedly a bad thing, he could help feeling happy and much lighter. And he reasoned that if Steve's scheme worked, it would only have been a few more days anyway.

That was the one thing that had him worried. He had no way of knowing if it would work. It seemed like a long shot, but with Steve when wasn't it? Danny had faith that if Hesse, Wo Fat, Sang Min, or any combination of the three were there, they would find them.

If they were there.

Danny wasn't sure how much time had passed when he was starting to feel sleepy and there was a knock at his door. He looked up to see McKenzie standing there.

"Did he get out?" Danny asked.

McKenzie nodded. "I have no idea how," she said.

"I don't even want to know." There was a short pause as though neither of them knew quite what to say. Then Danny cleared his throat. "Hey, I'm sorry I never told you."

McKenzie shook her head. "You couldn't. I understand."

"So, what was it you wanted to ask me?"

"Oh... I was thinking that Kono won't be able to go with me to my appointment tomorrow and I wondered if you wanted to go. Mary's working and can't get off."

"Uh... I'll have to let you know. I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing tomorrow."

"It's fine if you can't. I just know that one of the family always likes to be there."

Danny smirked. "I'll call you in the morning and let you know. Right now, I'm going back to the hospital."

"Okay. Does... does anyone else know?"

"Yeah. The governor set it all up and Chin, Kono, and Kaye found out yesterday."

"I won't say anything."

"I knew that, but thank you."

"See you later, Danno."

**H-5-O**

Both Chin and Kono were sleeping when Danny got back, but Dr. Kahale came in shortly after he arrived.

"How's it looking?" Danny asked quietly.

"Good," the doctor replied. "Your wife is healing quickly and the baby is stable. He seems to be recovering well from the trauma. I'll be honest with you, Detective, I wasn't sure he would make it at first. But if nothing changes they can go home tomorrow. Though, I think some rest is in order."

"Rest. That could take some convincing."

"I think she understands that it's best for her baby. I've heard rumors about this task force that's notorious for not being properly treated. I was prepared for the worst."

"Yeah, you'd be thinking of me and my partner."

"There was some mention of a tall Navy SEAL and I'm guessing that's not you or your 'cousin', there."

"No, uh, Steve was, um, killed four months ago."

Dr. Kahale looked mortified and Danny felt like a jerk.

"He was the one who always tried to escape from the hospital," he continued, trying to lighten the mood.

Dr. Kahale smiled, recognizing Danny's courtesy. "I'm sure he didn't need us. From what I head, 5-0 is less a group of cops and more a league of superheroes."

"Superheroes." Danny shook his head. "Yeah, that's Steve. That's how his daughter will know him."

**H-5-O**

Steve didn't think anything could be harder that dying for his family, but it turned out, walking away from McKenzie after being reunited was definitely harder. It took every once of self-control he had not to give in and stay with her. Their time had been far too short, but he knew if he was going to make all the pain worth it, he had to finish what he started.

When he got back to the hideout, it seemed, if possible, even more empty than before. But somehow, that was a good thing. Steve recalled the feelings of numbness and detachment which were now long gone.

It hurt now, like it never had before, but to him, that was a sign that it was getting better. He knew he wasn't really alone now, because miles away, his family waited for him, now knowing that he would come home.

Still, he had trouble falling asleep with the anticipation of tomorrow. He had a chance to end this, but there was no telling how much of a chance. And in reality, he didn't want to kill his enemies. He wanted answers more than that.

If they died, though... well, he could live with that.


	14. True Faith

**Thanks to all for the great reviews. I know I keep saying that, but I love you guys, so I'm not going to stop.**

**Chapter Fourteen "True Faith"**

"_**I used to think that the day would never come, and that my life would depend on the morning sun."~Anberlin**_

Steve sat up from a deep sleep with a shout before he even realized he was awake. For a second he sat there, breathing hard and shivering from the sweat that drenched his skin. It was some time before he realized what had made him jolt out of sleep.

Steve often had flashbacks in his sleep. Usually of particularly violent incidents from his SEAL days. This one was different though. He had been walking up to his house on that muggy August day. His clothes stuck to his skin, his heart pounded in his ears, and his mouth felt dry. He opened the door, but it wasn't like the last time. McKenzie was laying on the floor, shot several times, and Hesse stood over her, laughing.

Steve threw back his covers and got up. He went to the bathroom and splashed water on his face, as if to wash the image from his eyes.

It didn't work.

There was so much blood, he could smell it. He could still smell it, even though he was awake, and knew his nightmare had never happened.

After the day's events, he understood why he would be having these kind of flashbacks. The fear, however irrational it may seem, that Hesse would find out was making itself painfully known.

Of course, McKenzie knowing would not lead to this, unless Steve actually took the risk of trying to see her. He knew he couldn't do that, but he still felt like it. Hence the tormenting subconscious.

**H-5-O**

Kono woke up feeling better than she had in months. There was still a dull ache in her side, but it was fading and she felt pleasantly warm. She noticed this was because she was not the sole occupant of the small hospital bed. Movement was not exactly an option at this point, even though her arm was sort of asleep. Kono knew from experience that waking Danny from a deep sleep was a bad idea. And he'd gotten so little sleep lately that she wanted to let him be.

Soon, Kono heard the door open and Chin came in with breakfast. A wide grin spread across her face at the sight of coffee and malasadas.

"I smuggled these in for you 'Cos," he said with a smile.

"Thanks," Kono replied quietly, "but I'm sort of stuck." She nodded at Danny's arm that was practically fastened around her.

"He should wake up when he smells this." Chin waved the paper bag in front of Danny's face.

There was a low noise and Kono felt Danny's hold on her relax. A few seconds more and he opened his eyes.

"Whoever you are, I love you," he said.

"Thanks." Chin laughed and pulled up a chair. "I already knew that."

"I feel it necessary to remind you from time to time," Danny said, sitting up.

"Well I appreciate it." Chin passed out breakfast and for a few minutes everyone was silently enjoying themselves.

"How are you feeling?" Danny asked Kono.

"Good," she said. "Really good."

"So, where were you last night, brah?" Chin asked.

"Plotting world domination with a certain friend of ours."

"Care to be more specific?"

"We may have a war with the Yakuza on our hands by the end of the day."

"How's he managing that?"

"He thinks this warehouse in Yakuza territory is where Hesse and Wo Fat are hiding out. He's going to try to find them and then call us in."

Chin frowned. "That doesn't sound subtle. I mean, he could lose the element of surprise all for nothing if they aren't there."

"He seems to think his skills of sneaking are pretty epic... I guess he did sneak into HQ last night, though he didn't count on his wife stopping by."

"McKenzie found out?" Kono asked.

"And we must all keep this to ourselves." Danny put a finger to his lips.

"Chin is right though; it sounds awfully risky."

"I known, but you know how he is."

Chin and Kono both nodded. They knew exactly how Steve was when he set his mind to something. They just hoped it didn't get him killed for real this time.

**H-5-O**

"_You knew all along. Didn't you?" McKenzie asked._

_Jack looked up from his desk. "You knew," he corrected._

_"But I didn't. I don't know. I mean, if he had been dead, would I have felt different? I believed it. I believed Danny when he said..."_

_Jack raised his eyebrows. "Said what?"_

"_'He's gone'. He didn't say Steve was dead; he said he was gone. And you... you've been using present tense this whole time."_

"_Yeah. You'd think a bookworm like you would pick up on that."_

"_On my own subconscious?"_

"_If that's how you see it."_

_McKenzie crossed her arms and rested them on the back of her chair. "Psychology stinks."_

_Jack laughed. "Tell me about it. We wonder why things can't be black and white, but at the same time, we aren't; we're complicated."_

"_Do you think it ever would have worked for you if you had brought them back? You think they would have forgiven you?"_

"_I suppose it depends. Have they forgiven me now?"_

"_It seems so. Kind of. Mary still seems... lost. I don't know."_

"_Well, you two have some things in common."_

"_Not really. I mean, it would seem so, but she's nothing like me."_

"_Not as forgiving, you mean?"_

"_That. And... everything. She's so blunt and..."_

"_You could use it."_

"_What's that supposed to mean."_

"_Well, you can be so cryptic sometimes. I bet you don't understand half the things you say to me."_

"_Of course not. This is a dream. Look at this, my subconscious is criticizing me."_

"_I guess you have a lot to think about."_

"_Guess so... Goodnight, Jack."_

"_Goodnight, Macks."_

McKenzie woke wondering why she let her dead father-in-law use that nickname. Wondering why she had dreams about him to start with. Perhaps it was her mind's attempt to connect to a part of Steve that she never knew. Perhaps she would never understand it.

McKenzie's morning walk was becoming shorter and shorter as her waist and hips became wider and wider. Her conversations with the ocean became longer.

Today was no exception, but the tone of her thoughts had changed. There was hope there. A different kind of hope. She knew that things wouldn't be perfect. They never were. But better than she could have imagined.

She had faith again that everything would be okay. It was as if the sun came up and she no longer had to wonder why.

**H-5-O**

When Danny's phone rang, he was surprised.

"Already?" he asked.

"No," came Steve's reply. "It's not going to work. They have some kind of major deal going on right now. The place is crawling with Yakuza security. There's no way I'm getting in."

"Okay, so what are you going to do?"

Danny heard Steve exhale loudly. "Wait it out I guess. I don't know when the next opportunity will be. I'll try to let you know enough ahead of time to get things figured out on your end."

"Yeah. Hey, we were just talking, and Chin and Kono agree that you going in there alone is a terrible idea."

"What would you suggest? None of you can go with me. You'd be recognized immediately."

"I know. But there has to be a better way to do this. I mean, we don't even know if they're in there."

"That's why I'm going in first. Really, Danny, you underestimate my skills."

"No. Not really. I believe you can do it, but it's still dangerous."

"When isn't it?"

"Look, I get it. You just have to know that we have reservations about this and you need to be careful... I mean really careful."

"I will." Steve's voice was serious. He didn't make a joke or brush it off like Danny thought he would.

"Okay. Call me when you have something."

"Yeah. See you soon, Danno."

"Please stop calling me that."

**H-5-O**

McKenzie was surprised when the silver Camaro pulled into her driveway and it wasn't Danny.

"They let you out?" she asked as Kono came up the walkway. "Yeah, good behavior." Kono smiled and hugged the girl she had started calling her cousin.

"And? All's well?"

"So far as we know. Danny Jr. is doing fine."

"Is that what you're calling him?"

"For now. See, the deal was if we had a boy I got to pick an American name, and if we had a girl, Danny got to pick a Hawaiian name."

"That's a good idea. Would you actually call him Danny?"

"Maybe. Well, I think he'd have to have a nickname."

"Like Danny Jr.?"

Kono smirked. "Yeah, something like that. Though he wouldn't have the same middle name."

"Oh?"

"I want his middle name to be Steven."

"Really?"

"Of course, really. I mean, I decided that before I knew he was alive, but if it wasn't for Steve, I don't know if we would have ever gotten married."

"Why not?"

"I think it's safe to say, Danny has trust issues with women. At least where his emotions are concerned. But I think seeing Steve happy with you made him believe he could be happy again too."

"Wow..."

"Yeah. You've really gotten under our skin. So are we going to see how little McGarrett is doing, or what?"

"Can I drive?"

"What?"

"I've never driven Danny's car."

"Just don't tell him, okay?"

"Sure. I can keep a secret."

Kono handed her the keys and they got in the car. Driving down the road with the cool early December air coming through the open windows felt good. The light conversation about babies and husbands made the two pseudo-cousins feel closer than they had in a long time.


	15. Already Falling Out

**You can blame SugarMuffin08 and lynnrxgal for all of Steve's angst in this chapter. Thank you two for all your comments. It's really great to have critical feedback. Thanks also to all the other reviewers. Every time I see one of your comments I'm remided of why I do this.**

**Chapter Fifteen "Already Falling Out"**

"_**I desired with almost sickening intensity something never to be described... and then I found myself at the very same moment already falling out of that desire and wishing I were back in it."~C.S. Lewis, **_**Surprised by Joy**

Steve found himself unable to sleep, not for the first time in his life. But this time it was different. He couldn't sleep because of what he was afraid he might see. The night before he had gone back to bed and had the same dream over again, only this time there was a small black-haired girl, lying dead next to McKenzie. Try as he might, Steve could not get the image from his mind.

Steve had seen children killed before, and it always left him feeling half dead, but this was something entirely different. This was _his_ child, as his imagination had created her. He was completely responsible for her, and in some way he could not yet understand, he had failed her.

He loved her so much, it hurt, though he couldn't describe how. He didn't understand how he could feel so strongly about someone he had never met. Except he had met her, had touched the thin barrier between her and the outside world.

After several hours of trying, and failing to fall asleep, Steve kicked off his sheets and sat up on the side of the bed. He couldn't see those things again. It scared him, but he wasn't strong enough to handle it. And it wasn't even real.

Steve spent the rest of the night pacing back and forth between the front room and the bedroom, sometimes stopping for a while to stare at pictures of his family which he kept on the desk.

However, this vain attempt to induce sleepiness only made Steve feel worse. He couldn't erase the scenes from his memory. And as tired as he was, he had very little mental defense.

Around three in the morning, he made coffee, but ended up pouring it down the drain without drinking it. What Steve really needed was a long swim. And that wasn't happening any time soon.

**H-5-O**

When Danny arrived in the morning, he thought he had never seen Steve look worse. Until then, he hadn't really seen the effect this was having on Steve. At least, he hadn't realized how extensive the implications were.

"You look terrible," was the first thing Danny said.

"Thanks," Steve mumbled.

"No. Hey, I mean it. Are you okay?"

"Not really."

"What's going on?"

Steve didn't answer, but turned back to his desk. Finding nothing to do there, he ended up staring at the ultrasound photo.

Danny sat next to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Hey," he said softly. "Talk to me."

Steve's eyes didn't move, and at first, Danny didn't realize he had started speaking.

"I can't sleep," Steve said. "I keep having these dreams, and... I can't see that again."

Danny didn't want to think of what kind of image could be so horrific to his usually unaffected partner. He knew from times he'd slept on Steve's couch that Steve was plagued by nightmares at times, but he had always gone right back to sleep afterward. Danny had never known Steve to be afraid to go to sleep. As much as he didn't want to know, he had to ask.

"What happens?"

Steve's hand came up over his mouth, as if he was trying one last effort to hold it all in. He couldn't, of course; he knew that.

"I walk up to the house," he began. "I go in, and..." Steve's hands made fists on the desk in front of him and Danny's hand tightened on his shoulder. "McKenzie's dead." Steve's hands unfolded, half gesturing. "She's covered in blood, and... and last time, she wasn't alone. There was a—a little girl... dead too."

"Danny moved his arm around Steve's shoulders. Steve held the picture of his little girl, running his thumb along the shape of her head. There seemed to be nothing to say, except...

"Steve, I won't let anyone touch them," Danny said with conviction.

"I know," Steve said, but it was more of a breath.

**H-5-O**

Danny made Steve breakfast because he was pretty sure the insomniac hadn't eaten. Of course, Steve was still a little owly after eating because he'd hardly slept in two days. Probably more, if Danny guessed right.

"Hey," Danny said, sitting across the table fro Steve. "You need sleep."

Steve shook his head. "I can't."

"Won't. You won't. Steve, you can't do anything like this. You _have_ to sleep."

"I can't, Danny." Steve stood up, but had nowhere to go. "I've seen a lot of things, but that... I can't do it."

Danny got up and came around the table to stand next to Steve. "So what will you do?" he asked quietly. "Another day and you'll be falling over. Listen, I'll be here. When you wake up, I'll be here."

Steve started to turn away, but his knees felt weak and he decided that proving Danny's point about falling down would be a bad idea. Instead, he put his hands on the back of a chair. He knew Danny was right; he couldn't accomplish anything like this. He sighed and nodded once.

"You don't want to be here, Danno," he said.

"Well, I will be."

And that was it. Steve left the room and Danny started going through information on the Yakuza territory. He had a feeling that things were just getting started.

**H-5-O**

_Steve saw a bright light, but it didn't hurt his eyes. There was a sound he couldn't place. He smelled surf and coconuts. He seemed to be moving, and he heard waves along with the other sound that he thought might be music. Then he heard footsteps, laughter, and then he saw her. She was dancing in the sand with the ocean at her back._

"_Watch me, Daddy!" Her voice sounded like it was coming through water._

_Steve realized she was talking to him. He tried to go over to her, but it seemed like, no matter what, he was never any closer to her._

_She danced faster, the light got brighter, and the music got louder._

"_Lucy," Steve said, not knowing why. He held out his hand and the girl smiled and came running toward him. The ground and the ocean and the sky all faded into the warm light. The girl ran faster and her dark hair blew behind her. Just as her hand reached for his, she faded away, and the last thing Steve was aware of was the dying note of his wife's voice._

_Then it was dark. And cold. Steve looked around, but found he couldn't see anything. He was reminded of the storage unit where he had been held by his brother-in-law. But he wasn't confined. He felt more like he was floating. Then a sharp cry pierced the darkness. _

_Steve ran toward the sound and found himself coming out of the dark, into his living room. For a second, his eyes met dark sea green ones, before the sound of a gun going off. Blood splattered his face and the eyes closed._

_Steve screamed._

**H-5-O**

Danny rushed to the sound of Steve's voice. When he came into the bedroom, it looked like Steve had fallen out of bed. His face was hidden in his elbow and he was shaking and sweating. Danny got down on the floor next to Steve and held him by the shoulders.

"Hey," Danny said. "What happened? Are you okay?"

Steve didn't answer, but fell forward against Danny's shoulder. "I love her so much, Danny" he said, choking over the words. "I've never even seen her..."

"I know," Danny said, bringing one hand up behind Steve's head and putting his other arm around his shoulders. "Believe me; I know."

It wasn't long before Steve was breathing normally again and he sat up and leaned against the bed. Danny sat next to him and waited.

He knew what was happening, though Steve probably didn't. All the pain he had buried was coming to a head. Steve couldn't stop the onslaught of memories and fears and regrets that now assaulted him. Especially, Steve could no longer hide his feelings about his daughter, about leaving her before she had even been born.

Meeting McKenzie again must have been the trigger that caused Steve to start having these horrible dreams. Seeing her and touching her, he must have finally had a sense of what this was really doing to them.

Danny had known all along how Steve was compartmentalizing. He knew the insane emotions that came with becoming a father, and these were only magnified and mutated for Steve.

But what could he say? As much as he was trying, Danny didn't know how to make Steve's terror go away.

"Thank you," Steve said, surprising Danny.

"What?"

"Just... for being here." Steve stood up and wiped sweat from his face with the back of his hand. Maybe it wasn't all sweat. "For understanding," he finished.

Danny nodded and got to his feet, much less gracefully. "You're welcome. Steve... I love you like my brother. I couldn't be anywhere else."

Steve finally met Danny's eyes. A faint smile pulled at his face. "I love you too, Danno."


	16. The Fight Inside

**Chapter Sixteen "Fight Inside"**

"**And it finds me. The war within, it pulls me under. And without you, the fight inside is breaking me again. It's nothing; it's everything."~Red**

A day after being released from the hospital, Kono was tired of laying around. There was the little matter of the stitches in her side, but too much more of this was going to drive her crazy. Going back to work wasn't an option at this point, but neither was doing nothing. Of course, surfing was off limits as well as pretty much every other activity she could think of.

Eventually, Kono decided to do her favorite non-active thing. She drove over to Kamekona's shave ice stand.

"Hey, Kono," he said when she walked up. "Usual?"

"Yeah," Kono replied grinning.

"How's the little keiki?"

"Good. They said it's almost like it never happened."

"Bet you'll have a nasty scar, though."

"It'll probably blend in with the stretchmarks."

Kamekona handed her the grape shave ice and smiled. "Isn't that your haole?" he asked, looking behind her.

Kono turned around to see Danny coming toward her.

"Hey!" She waved and held up her purple ice. "You want some?"

Danny smiled and shook his head. "I ate," he said. "Can we talk?"

"Sure." Kono looked back at Kamekona. "Thanks, Uncle."

She and Danny found a seat outside. It was hot for December, so Kono was glad of the ice.

"Where were you all day?" she asked.

The look in Danny's eyes told Kono exactly where he was.

"Everything okay?"

Danny sighed. "It's getting to him. Bad."

"Does McKenzie knowing make it worse?"

"I don't know if it made it worse, but it made him have to think about it."

"So, is he all right?"

"No. He's... not doing well. I don't know how much I helped."

Kono shook her head. "No one should ever have to deal with this. What can we do about it?"

Danny laughed without mirth. "Break the rules... again."

"It's what we do best, anyway."

"Still I don't think anything but killing Wo Fat and Victor Hesse is going to help him."

"Where are we on that?"

"Waiting for an opening. Thing is, we don't even know if they are where we think they are. It's all got to come together just right."

"How often does that really happen?"

"Okay, we'll have to help it along."

**H-5-O**

Steve had insisted that Danny go home. It wasn't that he particularly wanted him to, but he knew Danny had so much else to worry about.

But with nothing to do but think, Steve was starting to regret his decision. Perhaps the worst was over; he didn't know. He hoped so.

Danny had asked him about the name Lucy. Steve wasn't sure why he had used that name. Perhaps he associated his daughter with the little girl who discovered magic in a wardrobe. Maybe he was just slowly going insane.

He thought it was a nice name either way.

When his phone rang, Steve answered it without looking at who was calling, because right now he would settle for talking to Mr. Hoppy, who's conversation skills were not the greatest. However, it was not a white rabbit on the other end.

"Steve?"

His breath caught in his throat at the sound of her voice. "Hi," was all he could say.

"Hi," McKenzie replied. "How are you?"

"Honestly? I've been better. But you shouldn't... This is dangerous."

"I know. I'm sorry. It's... so hard."

_You have no idea._ The thought popped into Steve's head before he could stop it. It wasn't true; he was being an ass. "I'm sorry," he said, not sure exactly what he was apologizing for, because there was so much.

McKenzie could tell he meant it, more than she could probably understand. "I just want to say I love you."

Steve ran his hand over his face. "Yeah, I... I love you too. Hey, you know how you told me you couldn't think of a name?"

"Mmhmm?"

"Call her Lucy."

**H-5-O**

McKenzie stared at her phone for a second. The silence in the room seemed suddenly so oppressive. _Call her Lucy._

"Okay," McKenzie said quietly. She stood up and left her phone on the coffee table. She knew she shouldn't have called him. But the past two days since she had discovered he was alive had been full of memories and fears she wanted to forget. It was weak of her, but she needed to remind herself that he was alive and coming home.

He had said to call her Lucy. Did that mean he was planning on being gone that long? He wouldn't say when they had met. Maybe he just had no idea.

McKenzie wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. Steve told her he would be home the very second he could. But when would that be?

McKenzie went upstairs and out onto the deck. There was a stiff breeze in the air and she smiled at the salt smell. She had always loved this. Even when she was at her worst missing Steve, this always reminded her of a time her life was simple, of vacations at Cannon Beach or Newport or Brookings. Looking out at the sea, she thought of playing in the surf with her mom, neither having a care in the world.

"I wish you were here, Mom," McKenzie said to the air. "There's so much I would ask you... but I have a feeling I know what you would say." She shook her head. "You always did leave me to figure things out for myself."

McKenzie thought about that. Her mother had made her independent, even though she didn't really want to be. In fact, coming to Hawaii was a way of refusing to grow up. She could have stayed in Oregon just as easily, but she followed her parents.

It was almost funny the turn her life had taken from there. All sorts of things she had never imagined happening to anyone, much less herself, had taken place. And strangely, she was okay. She had been hurt by so many things, but somehow she managed to come out of all of them still breathing. She thought of the time Kyle pulled her out of the waves. She didn't need that anymore. From anyone. If Steve had been dead, she would have survived, and until he came home, she would be strong, however long it took.

She thought of the name Steve had chosen: Lucy. It meant "light."

**H-5-O**

"I've picked a name," Kono told Danny when they got home.

Danny only raised his eyebrows and waited for her to continue.

"What? You don't have to look so excited." Kono crossed her arms.

"I'm sorry. I'm still worried you decided to name him after me."

Kono grinned. "Well, stop worrying. I've decided on Karl Steven."

Danny tapped his jaw. "With a C or a K?"

"With a K. What do you think?"

"I think I want to know why you chose it."

"Because it means warrior and Steven means crown. So, he fought and he was victorious."

Danny smiled. "You're right. I think it's perfect for him."

"I thought you'd say that. Next time, I hope it's a girl so you have to come up with the name."

"Next time, huh? Aren't we getting ahead of ourselves?"

"Well... No. I don't think so."

"Just, uh, how many of these are we talking about?"

Kono shrugged. "More than one."

"I guess I can live with that."

"Well, that's good because I really want a girl too.

"Does that mean if we have six boys, you'll still want one more?"

"What? You don't think we can handle six boys?"

"Oh, sure, and with six brothers, any little girl would be very well protected."

"You think Grace can handle six little brothers?"

"No... Four, tops."

Kono and Danny smiled. They knew they were going to be okay.


	17. Never Trust

**The plot of this story has taken a slight turn since I saw the finale. I will be using some plot points from the last two episodes, but I think they make the story better. Also, this changes my plans for a sequel. At this point, I'm planning on one more installment for this series to wrap everything up.**

**Chapter Seventeen "Never Trust"**

_"**You may be dead to me, but that don't mean we can't be friends. Now it's time to get over this, long as it's clear you understand that I will never trust a single thing you say again."~Relient K**_

Christmas came and went and all attempts to locate Wo Fat or victor Hesse failed. By New Year's Eve, Steve began to lose track of time, except to know that he was now two and a half months away from missing his daughter's birth. All the things he'd missed so far, his birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, none of them mattered compared to that.

On New Year's Day, Steve hadn't slept, and he wasn't expecting a visit from Danny. But the detective showed up that afternoon with a sober look in his eyes.

"What happened?" Steve asked anxiously.

"Laura Hills is dead," Danny replied tonelessly.

"How?"

There was a second's pause. "Car bomb. Right outside HQ. Looks like the same kind as..."

"As the one that killed my mother."

Danny nodded, pressing his lips in a firm line. "Jenna is trying to trace the source of the bomb. She said it looked military. I figured you would know." Danny showed Steve some pictures.

"Yeah," Steve confirmed. "Jenna's right. Hey, you two okay now?"

"What, you mean after I chewed her out a month ago? Yeah. People forgive me quickly."

"True. So, we think Wo Fat did this?"

"Yeah. There was another envelope delivered to HQ this morning. Every Wednesday. You think he knows?"

Steve shook his head. "There's no way. But why kill Laura?"

"Well, this is where things get weird."

"Weird how?"

"We went over to her place and found someone had broken in, looking for something. Then we found a stack of those same envelopes and every Wednesday morning in her datebook open. Handwriting analysis confirms that she addressed them to you."

"Are you... are you saying she was working with him?"

"Who knows? I mean, we don't even know why you were getting the evidence back."

"What was it she left this morning?"

"The skeleton key."

"Okay... so maybe she was trying to help? Or Wo Fat was using her to play his game and he doesn't need her anymore."

"There's one more weird thing."

"One more?"

"Yeah... we found your fingerprints all over her house."

"What? I've never been there. I don't even know where it is."

"We're looking at them now. It should be easy to confirm if they were planted, but why?"

"It doesn't make any sense. Everyone thinks I'm dead."

"Well, let's think of who doesn't. The Governor, me, Chin, Kono, Jenna, the doctor, and a few of the governor's people."

"Did Laura know?"

"No. Just some top security people, I think."

"We need to ask her."

"Wait? Laura? She's dead."

"No... Danny, the governor. We need to know who else she told."

"Okay, you feel like a field trip?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

**H-5-O**

Governor Jameson was half expecting the phone call that Steve McGarrett was going to be paying her a visit. She made sure that no one who didn't already know was preset at her mansion for his arrival.

Having not seen him in months, Jameson was shocked by Steve's appearance. He was much paler and thinner that when she had last seen him in the hospital. He looked older than his thirty-five years and she reminded herself, that he was in many ways.

Either way she hoped the conversation would be short. She was not disappointed. Steve and Danny asked her a few questions and requested a list of everyone who knew Steve was alive. In the end, it was Steve who ended the meeting, looking anxious to leave.

Jameson didn't think much of it. He had been hiding now for five months and he didn't want to be seen now.

It was only a few minutes later that she got a call from one of her aides.

"We have a problem," he said.

"What's that?" Jameson asked, annoyed.

"Mrs. McGarrett is visiting her brother."

"Now?"

"Yes. As we speak."

Jameson sighed. "All right. Have a guard inform her that I want to see her as soon as she's finished."

"Yes, ma'am."

Jameson hung up and rested her forehead in her hand. This was about to get a whole lot worse before it got better.

**H-5-O**

McKenzie wasn't sure what she was doing. Well, she knew, but she still thought it was crazy. Somehow, this bothered her less than it should.

She had never been to a prison in her life, but when the guard led her into the visiting area and she sat down, she didn't feel nervous anymore.

"Hey, Macks." Kyle smiled, seeming genuinely happy to see her. Then he noticed. "Are you..."

"Yes. That's not why I'm here," she said.

"Well, uh, congratulations. I mean it."

"I know." McKenzie regarded her older brother. He was such a contradiction. His fiery red hair and bright eyes contrasted with his passive attitude and follower personality. She could never make sense of him.

"So, how are you?" he asked.

"Good. Good enough, anyway."

"I knew you would be. You... you're stronger than anyone knows."

"Well, Kyle, I need something from you."

"What's that."

"I need to know where to find Victor Hesse."

Kyle's face fell. "Macks, are you crazy? He—"

"I know. Just tell me where I can find him."

"You know, I'd suspect this was an attempt by your friends to find him, but you're so transparent. You want to find him alone? What kind of—"

"Will you just answer me?"

"Okay, tell me this, what would you do if you could find him?"

McKenzie looked Kyle in the eye. "You know exactly what I would do."

"No, no, see, Macks that's not you. You're stressing out over the hormones or something. You don't kill people. A'right?"

"That's where you're wrong... I have killed someone. And you know what, I don't regret it. Not for a second."

Kyle shook his head. "You just need to stay out of this."

"I'm in it, Kyle! Because you helped that man escape. He threatened to kill me, so Steve gave himself up. This is far beyond personal."

"Revenge... is hollow. I mean, once you have it, it's like a drug, but it's never enough."

"I don't want revenge; I want justice. I want to feel safe. I want to protect my daughter. So, tell me where I can find him."

Kyle looked around him nervously. "Come back next week."

"You'll tell me then?"

"Just... come back, okay? I'll see what I can do. No promises."

McKenzie nodded once and stood up. Then she turned around and didn't look back. She had no idea if Kyle was going to tell her anything, but she knew he wouldn't betray her. At least, not if it might get her killed. He would take everything else from her, but he wouldn't be responsible for her death.

**H-5-O**

"Did you see the desk?" Steve asked as he stared out the passenger window of Danny's car.

"What?" Danny replied.

"The desk. In her office. It's exactly like what Jenna said this key would fit."

"That doesn't mean anything."

"Why do you have that tone?"

"What tone?"

"The one that says you think I'm about to do something stupid and you're trying to dissuade me."

"Um, maybe because you think the key from your father's tool box goes to a desk in the _governor's_ office?"

"Maybe that's why he was keeping everything a secret. Danny, he was investigating her."

"No. That is not possible. I mean, do you realize what that would mean?"

"Yeah..."

"Why create 5-0, huh? What could that possibly accomplish?"

"She could make sure I never found out."

"Why make you fake your death? I mean, if she's in league with the rest of them, why would it matter?"

"To keep me from catching them."

"Do you realize what we're talking about here?"

"I don't like it either Danny, but what's that thing you cops always say?"

"No, do not quote me. Yes, we follow the evidence, but we do not accuse popular elected officials of... of I don't know what."

"I didn't say anything about that. If we accuse her and she's guilty, all she has to do is inform the copious number of people who hate me that I'm not dead, if she hasn't already. No, what we do is figure out why."

"Okay, assuming the key goes to her desk, what does it mean?"

"It means she killed Laura Hills."

**H-5-O**

McKenzie was never intimidated by other women. Even tall, powerful, somewhat scary women. The governor was pleasant, asking her how she had been, offering her tea, and so forth, but McKenzie could tell there was something else going on. She knew Jameson believed she had all the power in the room. McKenzie let her. It didn't really matter.

"I understand you visited your brother today," Jameson said, almost conversationally.

McKenzie nodded, narrowing her eyes.

"I'm sure you are aware that we've been keeping an eye on him because of his involvement in Victor Hesse's escape."

"Of course," McKenzie said. It made a little too much sense.

"Did you have a nice visit?"

"I don't consider any interaction with my brother 'nice'."

Jameson raised her eyebrows. "Why visit him then, I wonder?"

McKenzie didn't respond.

"Listen," Jameson said quietly. "I know you want to find answers, but you're putting yourself in unnecessary danger."

"You have no idea what I want."

"Please, don't get involved in this. You're brother may not intend any harm to you, but the people he works with do."

"How would you know?"

"Victor Hesse almost killed you. I don't think Steve would want you getting hurt to avenge him."

"Of course not." McKenzie stood up. "Like I said, you have no idea what I want."


	18. Inhaling a Bullet

**Thanks to all for the reviews. You guys are the best. If you thought the drama was nearly over, think again.**

**Chapter Eighteen "Inhaling a Bullet"**

"**Wait it out or fight? This could never end. Maybe either way I die. There's nothing left here to defend. I could not breathe without inhaling a bullet. God knows I've tried."~High Flight Society**

Danny didn't like the idea of sneaking into the governor's house. He liked the idea of Steve doing it alone much less, though. That wasn't exactly his problem though. He heard Kono's footsteps approaching his office. He knew what he had to say, but that didn't make it any easier.

"When were you going to tell me?" she demanded before the door was completely closed.

"Honestly?" Danny replied. "I was hoping I wouldn't have to."

"What? You're breaking into the governor's house and you think I don't need to know that? Danny, I get what you doing—I know you thought I hadn't noticed—but this is getting out of hand."

"No. You don't know what I'm doing. I don't want to leave you out of everything. The team is already missing one, but you almost..."

"But I didn't. That was over a month ago. I'm fine now."

"And you think it's a good idea for a woman who's five months pregnant to be going into hostile situations?"

"You said yourself, we're a man down. You can't keep me in the office all the time."

"I didn't want to have to do this, Kono."

She stiffened at his emotionless tone. "Do what?" she challenged.

Danny sighed. "Order you to stay here. Permanently."

"You can't do that."

Danny got up from his chair and came around his desk. "I can. I have to. You don't seem to understand." He put his hands on Kono's shoulders. "I cannot lose you. Either of you. Do it for him, if not for yourself."

"Why do you have to do that?"

"Do what?"

"Be right all the time."

"It's my one advantage."

"One?"

"Well, aside from my winning personality."

"Right. You win; I'll stay behind. I don't have to like it though."

"I would be concerned if you did."

"Just... be careful, okay?"

"I will. We'll break this thing, Kono."

**H-5-O**

McKenzie showed up at Halawa Correctional a week after her first visit in spite of the governor's warning. Kyle was brought in and he didn't look nearly as happy as the last time.

He faked a smile. "Macks, how've you been?"

"Nothing has changed since last week, Kyle. I still want what I came for."

Kyle nodded, his head drooping as he did. "You know when you first came, I was really happy. I never thought I'd see you again, and you're pregnant, that's... wow. Anyway, I hoped you just wanted to see me."

McKenzie sat up a little straighter. "I wouldn't have come if I didn't think you could help me." She knew it probably hurt him, but it was the truth. She never would have come because seeing him was more painful than she cared to admit.

Kyle seemed to know that. "I guess I was just being romantic," he said. "But since that's the only reason you're here, I can at least try to talk you out of it."

"Don't bother. You won't accomplish anything."

"Macks... I don't want you to get hurt. I know you find that hard to believe, but I couldn't have it on my conscience."

"You have a conscience?" The words were out before McKenzie could stop them.

"Not much. But I can't be responsible for destroying the only good thing in my life. I've ruined everything else."

"Kyle, if you don't tell me what I want to know, you will destroy me. I can't keep on living knowing they're out there, that I'm never safe."

"Even if you could find them, you'd just get yourself killed."

"Unless I have leverage you don't know about."

"What?"

"Will you tell me, or not?"

Kyle sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Promise me something."

"What?"

"That you'll come back alive. Okay?"

"I fully intend to."

"Yeah, but... I mean you won't do something that leaves you with very little chance of survival."

"I won't. I promise."

Kyle nodded and gave her an address.

**H-5-O**

It was frighteningly easy for Danny and Steve to sneak into the governor's mansion while she was out.

"I cannot believe we're doing this," Danny muttered as they entered her office.

"Will you shut up?" Steve whispered. He hurried over to the antique desk and got out the key from his father's tool box. His heart started beating faster. He felt sweat drip down his face. Still, he inserted the key quickly and turned it.

It worked.

As quietly as he could, Steve pulled open the drawer and stared at the contents. He pulled out a stack of pictures and showed them to Danny.

"Laura leaving the evidence for me," he said. "She must have been stealing it from the governor."

"Okay, let's take some pictures and get out of here," Danny said.

Steve nodded and they hurried to document the evidence before sneaking back out of the mansion. It was several minutes after they were back on the road, headed for the bunker that either of them said anything.

"She was trying to help me," Steve said. "And the governor killed her for it."

"This is insane."

"I know. Why?"

"What exactly are we questioning here? 'Cause I can think of a lot of things."

"Why would she have me fake my death if she was involved all along?"

"Why create 5-0? Why allow you to arrest Hiro Noshimuri? Why get involved with these people to begin with?"

"How are we going to get answers?"

"I don't know, but we sure as hell can't interrogate the governor. If she knew we suspected her..."

"Yeah. We need to find Wo Fat and Victor Hesse. Now."

**H-5-O**

McKenzie found the address Kyle had given her easily enough. It was a run down building that looked like it was once a repair shop. She didn't see any signs of life, but that didn't mean it was deserted.

She readied her gun. Actually, it was one of Steve's guns, but technically he was dead.

It was getting dark, which was good because she didn't want to be seen, and not good because it meant she couldn't see.

McKenzie approached one of the dirty windows and looked in. She couldn't see much except shadows and cobwebs. There didn't seem to be any light inside. She was starting to get the feeling that Kyle had given her a red herring to keep her busy.

Still, she thought she should take a look inside. The door was unlocked and she pulled it open with a loud creak. She took out her flashlight and shined it around the room, thinking of how she would like to hang her brother off a roof.

McKenzie found a light switch and the room looked slightly less abandoned once she turned it on. There were voids in the dust that coated everything. Even if the place was empty, there had been someone there recently.

McKenzie sighed. "Guess you tried, Kyle," she said to herself.

"Talking to oneself is the first sign of insanity," said a strange voice.

McKenzie turned around, but didn't see anyone. She raised her gun defensively. "Who's there?" she called.

"You will know all too soon."

Then she felt a sharp pain in her neck and her vision blurred.

"This wasn't part of the plan," said another voice. A disturbingly familiar voice.

"We can use her to our advantage," the other voice said.

"Of course."

McKenzie felt herself being lifted and carried outside. She fought to retain consciousness, but after only a few moments, her eyes closed completely and her mind shut down.

**H-5-O**

When Danny and Steve arrived back at the bunker, they were about to call the others when Steve's phone rang. It was Chin.

"Hey, I was just about to call you," Steve answered.

"Steve, you need to listen. McKenzie's missing."

"What?" Steve wasn't sure he heard correctly. "What do you mean, missing?"

"I mean, we can't find her anywhere, she's not answering her phone, we can't trace it, and that handy little GPS tracker you gave her isn't working."

For a long moment, Steve couldn't say anything. Then he put the phone on speaker. "Say that again," he said, hoping Danny would make sense of it for him.

Chin repeated what he'd told Steve. "We've got officers out looking for her now. Steve, she went to see Kyle twice. Once a week ago and once today. After that, we have no idea where she went."

"Have you talked to Kyle?" Danny asked.

"On our way right now."

"Okay, I'll meet you there," Steve said.

"No, no, no," Danny argued and pressed "end" on Steve's phone. "As far as we know your secret is safe. You can't throw it all away now."

"Danny, it doesn't matter anymore! This was all for her."

"Okay, but you think letting the cat out of the bag is going to help?"

Steve rubbed his eyes. "I don't know. I have to do something."

"Yeah. You have to stay here. I'll go meet them at the prison. Then we'll talk about where to go from there."

"I can't sit here." Steve's voice sounded heavy, desperate.

"Pray," Danny said in all seriousness. "Trust me; it helps."

Steve shook his head. "Danny what if..."

"No. No what ifs. What'd I tell you about those. Listen, I swear to you, I will find her. I'm not going to rest until she's safe. Hey." Danny reclaimed Steve's wavering attention. "You have to trust me."


	19. Faceless

**Thanks again for all the reviews. I would apologize for all the suspense, but, well, I'm not sorry. I know; I'm evil.**

**Chapter Nineteen "Faceless"**

"_**I'm not, I'm not myself. Feel like I'm someone else. Fallen and faceless. So hollow, hollow inside. A part of me is dead. Need you to live again. Can you replace this. I'm hollow, hollow and faceless."~Red**_

Steve paced like a caged mountain lion. A very angry mountain lion. He felt the need to kill something. He knew the virtue of self-control. Or at least, he was learning.

This couldn't be happening. She was supposed to be safe.

Steve felt his stomach fall to his feet as he thought that maybe the governor knew what they knew. Maybe this was her way of trying to control him.

Worse still, it would work. Danny's metaphor of the bull in the china shop came to mind. If Steve was the bull, McKenzie was the ring in his nose, by which he could be led anywhere.

He kept pacing. There was nothing else to do. He couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. Of all the horrible things that has happened, this was, by far, the worst. And all Steve could do was pace.

He cursed, the sound of his voice echoing through the empty bunker. Like it was laughing at him.

What had Danny said? Pray? Steve had been praying more than thinking. Thinking wasn't safe.

Eventually, Steve fell against the wall and slid to the floor. He was exhausted from everything that had happened in the last week, having not slept more that a few hours on the nights he slept at all.

He leaned his head back against the concrete wall, closing his eyes. His stomach had contorted into a labyrinth of complex knots that wouldn't be coming out any time soon. He pulled his knees up against his chest, wrapping his arm tightly around them.

The million thoughts of how things ended up this way had to be pushed aside. Steve would drive himself crazy thinking about that. In any case, he was sure it was all his fault. Maybe it was better that he wasn't going after her. He hadn't done such a good job of protecting her lately.

More thoughts to chase away. He knew he would have to deal with all this eventually, but at the moment, he tried to think of some way to be useful. He did have access to all sorts of satellites that 5-0 didn't.

Chin had said McKenzie was driving the Suburban which didn't make much sense, because she didn't like it, but that hardly mattered. It wouldn't be that hard to find a faded red 1985 Suburban on an island. It was one of those cars that should have gone to cash for clunkers, but somehow managed to escape.

Of course it was dark, so finding the car now would be nearly impossible. Still, it was something to work on.

**H-5-O**

Danny made it to Halawa Correctional in record time. Once again, he entered the interrogation room. Chin was already there and Kyle was being led in.

When he saw the two detectives, Kyle's eyes widened. "Please tell me she's okay," he said.

"Your sister is missing," Chin said. "Do you know where she is?"

"No. I mean, I told her this address. She wanted to... Look, I didn't want to tell her, but I didn't think she would get herself in trouble. Not much anyway."

"Where?" Danny demanded.

Kyle looked miserable as he recited the address he'd given McKenzie earlier. "They don't use it much, so I thought it'd be a way to keep her busy without getting mixed up in... everything."

'Who?" Chin asked.

"Hesse and them. I don't know who all is involved."

"Where can we find them," Danny said.

"I don't know. That was the only place I knew besides some they don't use anymore."

"Give us everything you can."

Kyle nodded. He gave them several more locations, but assured them there wouldn't be anyone there.

When Danny and Chin left, they headed for the repair shop, and sent several other officers to the other locations. They were a few minutes out when Kono called them.

"What do you have?" Danny asked, putting her on speaker.

"I've been going over their house," she said. "The Suburban is gone and one of the guns from Jim's old safe. Remember when we helped move it into the basement?"

"Yeah."

"And you know how Jim had a list of everything in it and they were all registered?"

"Yes."

"Well, there's a .45 missing and a couple of clips."

"Okay, anything else?"

"No. Everything looks normal, but if that gun is used, we can trace it."

"If it's used, which we hope not."

"Unless..."

"Unless what?"

"She's on a mission. Think about it."

"No. She wouldn't do that to Steve."

"I suppose you're right. But where does that leave us?"

"I don't know. We're going to the address Kyle gave her. We'll let you know what we find."

Danny ended the call and looked over at Chin who was driving.

"We'll find her," he said, more for himself.

Chin only nodded, eyes straight ahead.

**H-5-O**

The repair shop wasn't exactly empty. There was a .45 and a flashlight on the floor along with various trails in the dust. Crime scene investigators were called in, and Danny and Chin went over the scene.

"Assuming those are hers," Danny said, pointing to the items on the floor, "what does that tell us?"

"She didn't leave of her own volition," Chin said. "There are tire tracks, probably from the Suburban outside, and from all this dust, it looks like someone was on the floor at some point and then picked up."

Danny nodded. "Not dragged. You can still see the foot prints over here." Danny took some pictures of the footprints. "Steve can probably tell us if any of these belong to Victor Hesse."

"Just don't mention him again," Chin said, nodding at the CSIs headed their way.

Danny nodded. "So from the size of this void, I'd say it was McKenzie on the floor."

"It was a pregnant woman in any case." Chin gestured at the shape of the outline.

"Detectives." One of the CSIs came in carrying a plastic evidence bag with some broken electronics inside. "We found these near the tire treads," he said.

"That's her phone," Chin said.

"And the keychain GPS," Danny agreed. "Get all this evidence back to HQ. Careful with the dust in here, too. You find anything, call one of us immediately."

"Yes sir." The CSI nodded and got back to his work.

Chin and Danny headed back outside, each going over the possibilities in his head. They were somewhat optimistic because they didn't find a body. If McKenzie had been dead, they probably wouldn't have taken her car and her body.

"You think they knew she was coming here?" Danny asked as they got back in the car.

"What do you mean, brah?" Chin asked.

"I mean, what if it was a setup?"

"You honestly think Kyle would send his sister into an ambush?"

"I don't know. The guy's a headcase. And even if he didn't set her up, maybe they had a way of knowing what he told her."

"Or, they used the repair shop more than Kyle thought."

Danny rubbed his face absently. "I still don't understand why she would do this."

"Don't you? She was trying to protect her family."

"By getting herself kidnapped? You know, usually she's more rational than that."

"This isn't usually, brah."

"You're right about that."

**H-5-O**

McKenzie woke to darkness and silence. Her head pounded and her neck hurt. When she stopped feeling dizzy, she opened her eyes and tried to see where she was.

She was laying on a thin foam mat on the floor of a small room. Across from her was a toilet and sink, but other than that, the room was empty.

McKenzie reached out and felt the floor. It was some kind of rough concrete. There were no windows, and from where she was, she couldn't see a door. She tired to sit up, but her head started pounding again and she hurt all over.

She couldn't tell how much time had passed since she had been brought here. There was a dim orange light coming from somewhere to her left. She assumed the door was on the same wall as the head of her mat.

McKenzie tired to get up again, but the pain made her want to curl up and fall back asleep. But she didn't get the chance, because the door opened and more light came into the room. For a second, she saw a handsome, dark skinned man. Then the door closed again.

McKenzie tired to sit up, but a voice interrupted her.

"Don't try to move," he said. It was the same voice as at the repair shop. "We've given you some very powerful drugs that will keep you from trying to escape. It will be easier if you don't try."

"Who are you?" McKenzie asked, her voice cracking.

"My name is Wo Fat," he said. "You've heard of me, I presume?"

"Yeah... You killed Steve's parents and Jenna's fiance."

"You must have me confused with someone else."

"Indirectly."

"Ah, but you didn't qualify. I hope you don't plan on making more of a nuisance of yourself. That would be unfortunate."

"Nuisance? Isn't that what you guys called Steve? Isn't that why you had him killed?"

"There were many more reasons Commander McGarrett had to die."

McKenzie was glad it was dark so he couldn't see the relieved look on her face. He didn't know.

"So what's it going to take for me to get out of here?" she asked.

She could hear the smirk in Wo Fat's voice. "An act of God."

The sound of the door opening and closing again may have seemed ominous to most people. McKenzie only whispered,

"Okay then."

McKenzie closed her eyes and rested her head on the lumpy mat. She ran her hand along her stomach, wondering if it did any good. She was hungry, or the baby was hungry; she wasn't sure.

"We'll be okay," she said. Then in her mind, she added, _Daddy will find us_.

To her, the very existence of Steve McGarrett _was_ an act of God.


	20. To Love

**Thanks to all you lovely reviewers who make my life a little brighter. For you, there's a little happiness in this chapter... a little.**

**Chapter Twenty "To Love"**

"_**To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken...to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one... lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket... it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."~C.S. Lewis**_

Steve didn't know how much time had passed. The ache in his chest that hadn't left after Victor Hesse shot him was becoming more and more intense. He hadn't been able to find the Suburban, but he hadn't really expected to.

He began to feel the cocoon around his heart building up again. He couldn't deal with the emotions the day's events brought out. He had no way to process everything.

For one second, Steve was glad that he wasn't involved in the search. He was relieved that he didn't have to feel like this was real because nothing in the last five months had felt real.

But if he were honest with himself, Steve would admit that his heart had been crushed, that he was hurt by what he had done and what others had done to him. It was easy enough to say that his parents had been murdered, his wife kidnapped, but much harder to admit how it felt. It had been nearly impossible for him to look his grief in the eye. That would feel like weakness, surrender.

Lieutenant Commander Steven J. McGarrett was not weak. He never surrendered.

But neither was he the sort of man to marry a girl after knowing her six months, or get attached to his team when they did such a dangerous job.

For a long time, Steve had felt torn in half. There was a part of him that was still very much the hardened Navy SEAL, but then there was the other half that found it so easy to fall in love, so easy to feel pain, the stronger side.

This was a difficult concession, but one that had to be made if Steve were to have any hope of living the life he wanted. He had to accept that he was stronger when he allowed himself to feel.

So, as he sat against the wall, Steve let his head to fall into his knees. He let out a deep breath and realized how shaky it was. His eyes burned and his throat hurt like something was stuck in it.

The door opened and the light streaming in made him realize that it was morning.

**H-5-O**

McKenzie woke again in the dark room. This time, there was a pile of granola bars and water bottles next to her head.

So, they planned on keeping her for a while. At least it meant they wouldn't kill her. That made her wonder what they were keeping her for. Why not just let her give up after finding their hideout empty?

Because they knew she wouldn't give up. Yet, she wondered why they would be worried about her. McKenzie was not so delusional as to think she could actually be a threat. Not if she couldn't find them.

Maybe the knew that she was Kyle's weakness. That he would keep trying to help her, even if it got them both killed. For a split second, McKenzie allowed herself to be worried about her brother.

But she quickly put him out of her mind. He was safe in prison, while she was being held captive God knows where.

Blinking several times, McKenzie realized that whatever they had drugged her with was wearing off. She still didn't feel quite herself, but she could sit up and take a better look at her surroundings.

There was a door off to her left with a large crack underneath, from which came the only light. Aside from that, there wasn't much to see. McKenzie couldn't tell what time it was, what day it was.

She was hungry. The snacks were stale, but better than nothing. The water tasted funny, and McKenzie assumed it probably had something in it to keep her sedate.

Sure enough, after drinking a few mouthfuls, she felt dizzy and had to lie down again. Withing second, she was asleep.

**H-5-O**

Danny came in from the outside and closed the door, bringing back the darkness. Still, Steve could see how exhausted and stressed he looked. Danny looked like Steve felt.

"What'd you find," Steve asked, not bothering to move from his place on the floor.

"Not a lot," Danny said. He fell into a chair across from Steve and sighed. "We found the place Kyle sent her, but they took the Suburban. All we know is that there were two people there and they rendered her unconscious somehow."

Steve bit the inside of his mouth. His heart beat faster at the thought. "What can I do?" he asked quietly.

Danny pulled out his phone. "You recognize these shoe treads?" he asked.

Steve took the phone and looked at the picture. "Yeah," he said hoarsely. "Hesse's shoes." He handed the phone back to Danny.

"There was one other set of footprints, we're assuming male. We're looking for the car now." Danny rubbed his face, as if it could remove the tiredness. "I just came to let you know where we were."

Steve got up in one motion in spite of sitting in the same position for several hours. "I'll make some coffee," he said. "You should try to sleep a couple hours."

"One or the other, babe."

Steve nodded. "Sleep," he said. "I'll make some coffee and food for when you wake up."

Danny stood and followed Steve toward the back of the bunker. "Thanks," he said.

Steve only nodded. He had to do something. And if taking care of his partner was all he could do to help find his wife, then that's what he would do.

**H-5-O**

It was a few days, days that felt like years to everyone, when they found the Suburban, abandoned along the side of the highway. The forensics experts were kept very busy with dirt samples from the tires. Meanwhile, Kono and Kaye ran things from HQ, while Danny and Chin met with every contact they could find. Still nothing came up.

A week went by. Then two.

Steve reconsidered the idea of interrogating the governor. He hadn't spoken to her since Laura was murdered. He couldn't look her in the eye, knowing she might be involved in McKenzie's abduction. And if she knew, McKenzie might be as good as dead.

Steve knew that McKenzie wasn't dead. There were several logical reasons for this, but he only needed one. He didn't feel like she was dead. Steve never would have believed anything based on that, but now he did. He knew in the farthest depths of his soul that his wife and child were still alive somewhere.

So, he did what he could. He helped Danny with whatever knowledge and technology he possessed. In the end, it was all he could do.

**H-5-O**

"What day is it?" McKenzie asked no one in particular.

"February 14th," came the reply from across the room. "Ha. Valentine's Day."

Her eyes were still closed, but McKenzie could tell that Victor Hesse was not smiling. He didn't find it at all funny.

But there was a memory there for McKenzie. A memory of a year ago. Her first holiday with Steve.

_Michelle had taken McKenzie shopping all day. Just the two of them. She shared motherly wisdom like only she could. She said that Steve was a good man and she was happy for both of them._

_Steve made dinner and they ate on the beach. Then, as the sun was setting, they danced, barefoot in the sand to McKenzie's humming._

_She stood on her tiptoes to kiss him. Her heart felt like it was swelling, trying to escape her chest because it was too full._

"_What did I do?" Steve asked, his blue eyes smiling. "How did I deserve this?"_

_McKenzie ran her fingers along his face, lingering on his strong jaw. "I love you," she whispered, kissing him lightly. "There's no deserving in love."_

_Steve wrapped his arms more tightly around her, taking her breath away. "Good," he said. "Because I could never love you enough."_

"_You're doing all right."_

"_I'll never stop," he promised, and halted any reply by kissing her again._

The memory of his lips made her warm in this cold place. Hot tears fell down her cheeks. She felt that same swelling in her chest, but knew this time it was from a deep longing that wasn't certain ever to be fulfilled. Yet, as much as loving Steve had hurt her, she was glad she had it now. Glad she could remember a time when they were together and happier than anyone had a right to be.


	21. Invisible

**Thanks for the reviews. Again.**

**If anyone's interested I posted a link on my profile to a youtube playlist of all the songs I've used in these stories.**

**Chapter Twenty-One "Invisible"**

"_**You wish you were someone else. Every night you fall to pieces, knowing you can't save yourself. I can see you; I can hear you... You're not stranded on your own. You're not invisible to me."~Disciple**_

The days seemed to pass more slowly than before. Steve wasn't sure how that was even possible. There had been no demands, no indication that an abduction had taken place. The investigation hit dead end after dead end.

Steve felt as if he were losing crucial touch with reality. He hadn't left the safety of his hideout since his visit with the governor. He didn't want to leave.

He knew McKenzie was still alive because if she hadn't been, they would have found her by now. Wo Fat would want them to know she was dead. Of course, he presumably didn't know Steve was alive. But even that was up for debate.

Steve found himself stuck between the invented nightmares of his sleep and the real nightmare that his life had become. He didn't know what day it was anymore. He didn't know when the last time he'd eaten was.

When Danny appeared at his elbow, he hardly registered that he wasn't alone. Because he was alone, really.

"Hey," Danny said softly.

Steve didn't reply.

"Don't make this like the end of _Somewhere in Time_. I hate that movie."

"What?" Steve looked at Danny, confused.

"Thank you. The guy stopped eating and sleeping and eventually died... I think. I'm a little fuzzy on that."

"Okay..."

"I'm saying, you don't want to end up like that guy."

"Does it matter?"

"Does it matter? Listen to yourself! She's out there, Steve. Somewhere. And we're going to find her."

"Danny, I need to talk to the governor."

"Okay, okay. Let's think about this. She had Laura killed. If she knew..."

"She's all we have! We can't find Hesse or Wo Fat. All we know is that Jameson is involved."

"And she doesn't know we know that. We've been digging, Steve. We don't have a lot to go on. Nothing that would put her away."

"This is all irrelevant."

"I know. I know. And I'm going to admit that I don't know what to do, but I'm afraid if you tell her that you know..."

"McKenzie will be dead."

"We can't risk it."

Steve rubbed at the sides of his face. "Danny." his voice was barely there, like he was gasping for breath. "I don't know who I am anymore."

Danny put his hand on the back of Steve's neck. He could see the crisis his friend was going through, but had no idea what to do about it.

**H-5-O**

When Kyle was told he had a visitor, he expected to be taken to the visiting area or even one of the interrogation rooms. Instead, the guard took him down a little used hallway and opened the door to a storage room. Once Kyle was inside, he shut the door and left.

Kyle crossed his arms, wondering if dark storage rooms were the new punishment since solitary was full. But soon, he heard a scraping sound and the vent on the wall opened up. First, he saw a flashlight, and then a face.

"Told you we'd get you out," Hesse said.

"What's going on?" Kyle asked.

Hesse nodded behind him. "Let's get out of here first."

They began crawling back through the ventilation system. It seemed like hours before they were coming out on the other side of the road from the prison.

"That's convenient," Kyle said.

"They'll be looking for you soon," Hesse said. "This way."

They headed away from the buildings and not far off they came to a car. Once they were on the road, Hesse became more talkative.

"We've got a few guards on the inside," he said. "No one's gonna know what happened to you."

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere safe. Listen, do you want to help your sister?"

"What?"

"Do you?"

"Of course."

"Then listen carefully. Steve McGarrett isn't dead."

"What? How?"

"Will you shut up? I'm trying to explain. He was never supposed to be. Jameson wanted him out of the way while we cleaned up a few things."

"Jameson? The governor?"

"When did I say it was time for questions?"

"Sorry."

"She thought it would be easy enough to fake his death. I just had to shoot him. Anyone would believe that. We didn't count on his team making such a nuisance of themselves, or of him still being so active. When your sister started nosing around, Wo Fat wanted to send a message. Now, if he knew Steve was alive he'd kill her, so you can't say a word."

"Of course."

"Good. She's being held in one of his hideouts. We're headed there now. If you want her to get out safely, you need to go along with everything I say."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Now there's a good question. The governor and I have been working to take down Wo Fat. So,we infiltrated his organization. And now you have too."

"That wasn't exactly the idea."

"You gotta pick sides, Carpenter. If you want your sister to live, stick with me."

"Okay. What now?"

"Now, we work his game. I don't much care about your sister or McGarrett either way. But I do want to remove Wo Fat. And it'll be much easier to do that from the inside. Once he's gone, I go my way, you go yours. Deal?"

"Yeah. I'm in."

**H-5-O**

McKenzie had developed a schedule. Wake up, eat, drink some water, fall asleep again. She had no concept of time, but she did notice getting up became more and more difficult. She was still growing.

She opened her eyes sometime after her Valentine's Day memory, but she didn't know how long it had been. She tried to sit up, but found the effort to be too much. Then she heard a voice, a strangely welcome voice.

"Hey, Macks."

"Kyle?" she whispered into the darkness.

His hand met her shoulders and gave a reassuring squeeze. "I'm gonna make sure you get out of here," he said. "Just hang on."

"Hanging," she replied, having little energy to say more.

"Listen, I know this won't make things better. I know you can never forgive me, but for what it's worth, I'm sorry. I know this is all my fault."

"It's not," McKenzie argued. "Just most of it..."

Kyle let out a humorless laugh. "You knew I couldn't say no to you."

"Yeah... Sorry."

"Hey, are you okay? I mean, when's the baby coming."

"The... Ides of March."

"English, please?"

"The fifteenth... I think."

Kyle didn't say anything for a second. "Hey, just hold on. I'll get you out soon."

"'Kay."

She drifted back to sleep, this time without the push of the drugged water. Kyle looked her over. She seemed unhurt, but she was thin. Her face used to be more round, but now her cheekbones stood out and her jaw seemed sharp. He could see the way her skin clung to her shoulders and collarbone.

But her stomach was about the size it should be. At least, Kyle thought so. He remembered his mother looking like that when McKenzie was just about to be born.

He got up and left the room. He didn't know how he was going to get her out of this, but he had help. Of course, Kyle didn't know how much he could trust Hesse, but Hesse trusted him enough to let him in on whatever operation he was running.

**H-5-O**

Danny was driving toward Steve's hideout when his phone rang. The sound jerked him out of his thoughts of dread.

"Kono?" he answered.

"Hey, I don't want to freak you out, but we just got a call from Halawa Correctional."

Danny made some indecipherable grumbling noises. "Kyle?" he asked.

"He escaped a little while ago. No one knows how. Chin and I are about to start going over security footage."

"All right. Let me know what you find. This cannot b a coincidence."

"That's what I thought. Hey, um, how's Steve doing?"

"He's... hanging on by a thread. I don't know what to do."

Kono was silent for a second. "Just be there with him. It's all you can do."

"Yeah. Talk to you later."

"Bye."

Danny pressed "end" and sighed. Yet more bad news to deliver. He wracked his brain to remember the last good news he'd heard. He came up with hearing McKenzie was pregnant. That was almost six months ago. And now, it made things more complicated. Her due date was approaching. What if they couldn't find her by then?

Danny shook his head as he pulled into the clearing. He had to stay positive. He was the only buffer between Steve and a complete breakdown. As it was, his partner was just breaking down slowly.

When he entered the bunker, Steve was in the kitchen. Danny thought he smelled food. This was new. His stomach growled at the thought.

"You hungry, Danno," Steve asked, his voice carrying through the bunker.

Danny couldn't remember the last time he'd spoken so loud. "Yeah," Danny said, coming into the kitchen. "You feeling okay?"

There was no response at first. Steve certainly didn't look like his old self. He was thin and the circles under his eyes had seemingly endless layers of charcoal purple. But He looked better than he had a week ago.

"I"m okay," Steve said. "I mean..."

"I know," Danny said. "And whatever this is, it smells great."

"I thought cooking would help."

Danny looked confused as he sat down at the small table. "Mind if I ask why?"

Steve shrugged as he set out plates. "It's something we hated doing alone. We used to make huge messes and... and she sang. A lot."

Danny took the fork Steve handed him. He didn't say anything, but waited for his friend to continue.

"It's still not fun. Doing it alone, but... it reminded me of a lot of good things."

"So, you think you can hold on a while longer?"

A weak smile affected Steve's lips. "A while," he said.


	22. So Close

**Thank you all for the constant reviews. There will only be a few more chapters until this story is complete. There will be one more after it. I'm still working on a title.**

**Chapter Twenty-Two "So Close"**

"_**Can't you see the irony, what you do to me? You get so close, and make me feel so terribly alone. If I'm the first to go, then make it quick."~Write This Down**_

Steve had an idea. It was a terrible idea, according to Danny, but they were running out of options. Still, the thought of going after the governor and forcing her to reveal McKenzie's location was insane at best. Danny argued to the very end.

"You are going to go to prison for a very long time," he said.

"Not if she confesses," Steve argued, strapping on his vest.

"What makes you think she would do that? And even if she did, the gun you're gonna put to her head will render anything she says inadmissible."

"I don't care, Danny. I don't care if I die. This is the only chance."

"I know. Believe me. I just can't think this is a good idea."

"You should get back to HQ."

"Yeah and let you get yourself killed or arrested or God knows what."

"Remember the plan. Send Chin at 2300."

"Can you speak like a human, please?"

"You know military time, Danny."

"Yeah. Whatever. I'm going to leave now, and hope you reconsider."

Steve shook his head as Danny left. There was no way he'd change his mind now. The governor was his only link to McKenzie and he had to find her tonight. He couldn't go on like he was.

It had been almost two months. Two months in this new level of hell.

Steve never thought things could get this bad, but it seemed like he was born for tragedy. But he wasn't going to take it lying down. He never did.

Steve didn't look back as he left the bunker for the last time. He had everything he needed. He was determined never to hide again. It had caused far more harm than good.

It wasn't until he was a few miles down the road that Steve began to realize how much he would always regret those months in hiding. Nothing was accomplished. It was all a big setup. But he let his fear of losing his family cloud his judgment.

Danny would probably say there was no way he could have know. It was probably true. Still, Steve would always feel guilty for doing what he did. He thought he had a good reason. He was wrong.

All too soon, Steve saw the governor's mansion looming up in front of him. This was the moment of truth. He would finally get all the answers he wanted, answers he wasn't sure he was ready to hear. But there was no turning back now.

**H-5-O**

Kyle watched. He was good at watching. He could read people. He knew Wo Fat wasn't as ignorant of what was going on as Hesse seemed to think he was. Of course, Kyle wasn't quite sure about Hesse either.

It was irrelevant anyway. His objective was to get McKenzie out of this alive. Beyond that, he didn't have any plans. Living, going back to prison, he didn't much care.

He made no attempt to hide his regular visits to his sister. She was his sister after all, and it wasn't as if he made any pretense of indifference toward her.

This time, Kyle could tell McKenzie hadn't eaten in a while and he wondered if she'd even been awake since his last visit. Her lips were dry and cracked and he thought she might be getting dehydrated. He brought a bottle of untainted water. It wasn't as if they needed the drugs anymore.

"Hey, Macks, wake up." Kyle shook her shoulder.

McKenzie moaned softly, but didn't open her eyes.

"You need to wake up, baby. Come on." He poured a little water on her mouth and she reacted a little more.

"What day is it?" she asked, eyes still closed.

"Uh, the fourth," Kyle lied. She didn't need to know how close she was; she couldn't do anything about it. "Hey, can you sit up?" Kyle asked.

"Help me," McKenzie replied.

It was too easy to lift her into a sitting position. Kyle handed her the water and unwrapped an energy bar.

"Listen," he said quietly, "I'm gonna try to get you out of here, so you need to be ready. Don't drink any more of their water, okay?"

"'Kay."

"Try to eat as much as you can."

McKenzie nodded.

Then Kyle did something he wouldn't have dared to under any other circumstances. He reached out and touched her stomach. He felt the baby in there.

"Is she okay?" he asked. "Can you still feel her?"

"Yeah. She kicks."

"Good. A'right, hang in there. I'll be back soon."

Kyle stood up and started back to the door, but something stopped him.

"I'm afraid you won't." Wo Fat stood in the doorway with a gun pointed at Kyle's chest.

Kyle took a step backwards. "What are you doing?"

"I don't appreciate disloyalty," Wo Fat replied. "And don't worry. Hesse and Jameson will be taken care of as well."

"She's my sister."

"I know."

McKenzie heard the sound of a gun with a silencer. Then something heavy fell across her legs. Her breath caught in her throat.

"Kyle," she choked.

"Get him out of here," came Wo Fat's voice.

Someone came and carried Kyle's body away. McKenzie pressed her back against the concrete wall and squeezed her eyes shut.

"You will die here," Wo Fat said. "Then my revenge will be complete."

McKenzie didn't know how, but she found the courage to speak. "Revenge is by nature incomplete," she said. "It's an abyss of blackness that will eventually swallow you."

"Poetic."

"Thank you. And for what it's worth, you deserve it."

McKenzie heard the door close and then the rears came. Her brother was dead. If no one found her soon, she and her child would be too.

"Steve, where are you?" she whispered as she laid back down.

**H-5-O**

Governor Jameson obviously wasn't expecting the company she enjoyed that evening. She was only half surprised, though. She knew Steve was too smart to control like she had wanted. Still, she hadn't quiet expected this.

"Steve, what are you doing?" she asked as he came into her office, gun ready.

"I want the truth," he replied, tossing his phone on her desk.

"Which one? The one where I 'betrayed' you? Or the one where I protected you?"

"Guess they're the same thing to you, aren't they?"

"You don't understand."

"No, I don't. I don't understand how you could be in league with the man who's responsible for my parents' deaths, and my wife's kidnapping!"

"It's not what you think."

"Then what is it?"

"By faking your death, we kept you safe from Wo Fat."

"Who's we?"

"Myself, Victor Hesse, and Kyle Carpenter."

"Hesse was never supposed to kill me?"

"Well, Wo Fat ordered him to. But we decided to double cross him. Kyle didn't know you were alive, but Hesse convinced him to help escape by promising to help his sister."

"Just tell me how you could do this. He killed my father. And what about Laura Hills?"

"Steve, we had a mission. Surely you can understand that."

"No. I don't understand anything. Now, I want to know what all you were involved in and where McKenzie is."

"She's in a secure location. Nothing's been done to her."

"I said where!"

"Steve—"

"Do you have any idea what I will do to you to get the answer?" The threat was clear.

"I don't know," Jameson said quietly. "All I know is what Hesse has told me."

"And you trust _him_?"

"I've known him longer than you have, Steve. We were trying to take down Wo Fat. He didn't want her involved either."

"All right, then where's he?"

"I don't keep tabs on him. It's safer for both of us."

"You're going to have to give me something better than that."

"I don't know what to tell you."

"You realize that McKenzie is due any day now? You think Kyle would make a good doctor?"

"Steve, I..."

"You don't know. I get it. What do you know?"

"Wo Fat is a problem. I was determined to use whatever means necessary to end him. That's why I brought you in to go after Hesse. I knew you'd find what your father was investigating. I hoped you wouldn't link it to me like he did."

There was a long silence. Steve swallowed hard. "Did you have my father killed?"

Another silence. "Yes."

Then Steve saw movement out of the corner of his eye. He turned to asses the threat and the governor pulled a gun out of her desk.

Steve hit the floor, but not soon enough. Two bullets ripped into his right shoulder and collarbone.

There were more shots, but they weren't directed at him.

Steve looked up to see Victor Hesse standing in the side doorway, gun in hand, facing the governor. Then he looked down at Steve and pointed his gun at his head.

"I don't want to hurt you," Hesse said. "I've got some information you'll want though."

Steve's watch beeped. It was eleven. He heard the sirens in the distance.

"Make it quick," he said.


	23. Fly Away

**Thank you all for the continued comments. There will be two or three more chapters after this. After that, be on the lookout for the yet to be named final installment.**

**Chapter Twenty-Three "Fly Away"**

"_**If you fly away tonight, want to tell you that I love you. I hope that you can hear me; I hope that you can feel me. If you fly away tonight, want to tell you that I'm sorry that I never told you when we were face to face."~Disciple**_

Hesse put away his gun and walked over to Steve. He could see the pain the other man was trying to hide. Steve was trying to get to his feet without assistance, and Victor was sure he wouldn't accept any.

"You should take off that vest," he said.

Steve reached over with his left arm and undid the Velcro, but he couldn't get the vest over his head. By this time, he was sitting in one of the chairs opposite the governor's desk.

"Why'd you kill her?" he asked.

"You want the short answer?" Victor asked, helping Steve out of his vest, neither one acknowledging that's what he was doing.

"Is there a short answer?" Steve said, his voice a little breathless.

"No." Victor pulled at Steve's collar to look at the injuries. "Doesn't look too bad," he said. "Small caliber."

"She's not a very good shot."

"I was counting on that. I killed her because she was useless, but she would have died anyway."

"What do you mean?"

"Wo Fat found out we were conspiring against him. I'm as good as dead now. Still, there might be a bit I can do before then."

"You know where McKenzie is?"

Victor nodded. "Your team received an anonymous tip about half an hour ago. They should be closing in right now."

"Why?" Steve looked Victor in the eye. "Why are you helping me?"

"We have the same goal. We both want Wo Fat out of the picture. I heard what Jameson told you. That was all basically true."

"You killed my father because she told you to?"

"Ultimately. Maybe it felt good to pull the trigger knowing you'd just done the same to Anton, but that wasn't really why I was there."

"And Chin?"

"A lapse in judgment, to be sure. She wasn't involved in that one. Wo Fat thought it was a brilliant idea, which should have clued me in. Of course, it's not safe to cross him."

"So I've noticed."

"And if you want the honest truth, I killed Jameson because she was about to kill you. Of the three people in this room, you're the one who needs to come out alive."

"So what's your game?"

"Wo Fat. Like I said, we want the same thing here. I can help you, but only if I get out of here alive."

"HPD is on it's way."

"Not gonna work, Steve. I get taken in, I die. Don't you wonder how I escaped? How I got Kyle out? Wo Fat has people everywhere."

"So you expect me to take your word for it and let you go?"

"I did just save your life and probably those of your wife and child. What's that game? Tick for tack?"

"I think I'm gonna need a little more than that."

"Right. Well, I could just shoot you now, but that would be completely counterproductive." Victor looked around. He heard the sound of footsteps outside. Then he looked back at Steve and handed him a slip of paper. "Meet me there and I'll explain more. Now, unless you stop me, I'm leaving." He turned toward the door he had come in and didn't look back, trusting that Steve wouldn't shoot him in the back.

Steve stared after Victor, part of him needing to blow the man's head off and another, more insistent part needing to know what Victor knew.

He didn't have time to think any more about it as the sound of police officers echoed through the mansion and Chin came into the office.

"Steve!" he said, seeing the blood on his black shirt. "Duke, check the governor. Steve, what happened?"

"Hesse shot the governor," Steve said. "Wait, give me my phone."

One of the officers brought it too him and Steve quickly turned off the recorder and shoved it in his pocket.

"You recorded everything?" Chin asked.

"Yeah, we'll talk about it later. Did they find McKenzie?"

"Last I heard they were on they way. How did you know."

"Long story." Steve winced as Chin tried to look at his injuries.

"Lieutenant, the governor's dead," Sergeant Lukela said.

"Lieutenant?" Steve asked.

"HPD gave me my job back. With all that's been going on, I thought it'd be a good idea. Hesse shot her?"

"Yeah. Ironically, because she was trying to kill me."

"Somehow I find that hard to believe."

"So do I... but this isn't the best time or place."

"Right. I take it you're not making any attempt to hide anymore?"

"Does it look like it?"

"Not really. Come on. Let's get you to the hospital."

"We should call Danny."

"On the way. Come on."

Chin herded Steve out the door to the ambulance. The governor's mansion was crawling with officers and Chin barked orders as they were leaving.

Even when they were in the ambulance riding to the hospital, Steve didn't allow himself to think it was safe. He'd just willingly let Victor Hesse escape and learned just how much Wo Fat wanted him dead.

**H-5-O**

Danny wasn't sure if this effort was worth it, but it was the only thing they had. Chin was busy, so reluctantly, he brought Kaye with him along with HPD backup. The location was a large concrete building, probably from World War II. There were guards, so Danny decided he and Jenna would sneak in and then call in backup if they found McKenzie

"You know we could probably get killed doing this," Jenna said quietly as they strapped on their vests.

"Yeah," Danny replied. "You wanna stay back?"

"No way. I was just making conversation."

"All right. No more of that. We have to be quiet."

Jenna checked her gun and nodded. Then she and Danny sneaked along the side of the building. She was actually surprised when he asked her to come along. She knew she was the only one available, but even though he didn't blame her for what happened to Kono, he still didn't think she should be let out of the office.

It was a special case. And Danny knew how important catching Wo Fat was to Jenna. They made it past the outside guards and started up an echoing staircase. They searched floor by floor and found plenty of incriminating evidence, but no hostages.

However, when they came to the fourth floor, they saw two men carrying someone between them. They were coming straight toward the stairs, so Danny and Jenna had no choice.

"Freeze!" Danny said as they came out of the stairwell, guns drawn.

The two men dropped their burden and pulled out their own weapons. Danny and Jenna ducked behind some crates and began firing. It wasn't long before the two goons were on the floor and Danny went to check who it was they were carrying.

"It's Kyle," he said. "And he's dead."

"Looks like they came from this way," Jenna said, heading further into the room.

"All right, be careful."

They continued on in the dark, not speaking, hardly breathing. Finally, they came to a long row of locked rooms at the corner of the building.

"She could be in one of these," Danny said.

"How do we get in without making too much noise?" Jenna asked, nodding at a door.

"Maybe it's about time we made noise. Call in backup, I think those guys back there carrying a dead body was a good enough reason.

Jenna nodded and made the call while Danny shot the first lock. The first room was empty, as were the second and third. The fourth was full of weapons. Then they started on the other side of the hallway. The first room was darker than the others because it was on the side of the building with no windows. Right across from the door was a sink and toilet. The opposite corner was empty, but as Danny's flashlight ran along the wall, it found what he was looking for.

"Watch the door," he hissed at Jenna and then hurried across the room. By this time he could hear backup on the stairs. "McKenzie," Danny said, dropping to his knees next to the curled up woman. He took her by the shoulders and stared into her face. "Hey, McKenzie, you in there? Wake up."

Her eyelashes fluttered and she took a deep breath. "Danny?"

"Yeah, I know, not who you wanted to see. Are you okay?"

"Mmm."

"Translation?"

"I'm... not hurt." That didn't seem to be what she was thinking though.

"Can you get up?"

"No. I tried, I think... I don't know. What day is it?"

"All right. I'm gonna get you out of here, okay?" Danny moved his arms under her. "Just hold on to me, okay."

"'Kay." McKenzie's voice seemed sleepy again.

"Hey, stay awake, all right? You're gonna be fine." He lifted her and she was far lighter than she should have been. Danny's heart pounded faster. She _had_ to be okay. They both did.

**H-5-O**

Steve's phone rang before he or Chin could call anyone. The EMT working on his shoulder glared at him, but he answered it anyway.

"Danny?" he said.

"I've got her," came the reply. "We're on our way to the hospital right now."

Steve's relief was short lived. "Hospital?"

"She's lost a lot of weight. She's in and out of consciousness. They think she was drugged. Otherwise, she's not hurt."

Steve sighed. "We're on our way there."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, apparently—ow—two .38s to the shoulder is a problem."

"What happened?"

"Jameson tried to shoot me. Hesse shot her. It's a long story."

"Hesse? Did you catch him?"

Steve tried to scratch the back of his neck, but the EMT held his arm down. "Uh, no," he said. "We'll talk when I get there, all right? Stay with McKenzie."

"Yeah. You got it. See you soon."

Steve hung up and looked at Chin. He wanted to tell someone what had really happened, but he couldn't yet. He thought about the recording on his phone. He'd have to get rid of the last part after Hesse came in. It would look suspicious.

Steve was so tired of thinking. He was completely worn down from all that had happened over the past months, and it wasn't over yet.

He was hardly aware of being led into the hospital and having his shoulder patched up. There were no broken bones and the bullets weren't deep.

After Steve was released, Kono came and found them. Danny had called her after talking to Steve and she hurried over to the hospital.

"Hey," she said, out of breath. "I was just upstairs." She took a deep breath. "McKenzie just went into labor."

After picking his jaw up off the floor, Steve checked his watch. It was 12:13 am, March 15, 2012.


	24. Start Again

**Two updates in one day. Wow, I must really love you guys... Or I'm just obsessed with this story.**

**I don't know how accurate the medical stuff is because I just sort of made it up. I hope it's okay.**

**Chapter Twenty-Four "Start Again"**

"_**All this time I can make it right. With one more try, can we start again? In my eyes, you can see it now. Can we start again? **__**I'm lost inside the pain I feel without you. I can't stop holding on. I need you with me.**__**"~Red**_

When Danny's phone rang, he jumped and then heard a weak laugh. He looked from the offending device to the woman in the bed and rolled his eyes.

"Answer it," McKenzie said. "It's probably important."

"I'll just be a second," Danny said, getting up and moving across the room. "Yeah?"

"Danny," Jenna's voice sounded faintly irritated. "We've got the scene locked down. Wo Fat is nowhere to be found."

"All right, just finish up what you can. We'll find him, okay?"

"We were so close! He was here."

"Yeah, listen, I know you're upset, but I can't talk now. McKenzie's in labor and Steve's on his way. Just do what you can and we'll figure it out tomorrow, or whatever."

"All right." Jenna didn't sound particularly happy. "Is she okay?"

"We'll know soon. Bye."

Danny hung up and resumed his post at McKenzie's bedside.

"He got away?" she said.

"Yeah, but we'll find him. Please stop thinking about it. You need all the energy you can get."

"I feel better."

"Probably the adrenaline."

"Shut up."

"Hey. I mean it."

McKenzie nodded. She seemed about to say something else when her face contorted and her hands went to her sides. Danny put his arm behind her shoulders so she could half sit up. Soon the contraction subsided and McKenzie laid back down.

Danny's phone buzzed and he saw it was a text from Steve.

_On my way_, it said.

Danny smiled softly. "Steve's on his way," he said.

"Is he okay?" McKenzie asked, looking worried.

"Something about .38s to the shoulder. It didn't sound serious."

"It'd take a lot more than that to slow him down."

Danny nodded, smiling wider. "I'll let you two be alone," he said, getting up.

"Danny." McKenzie reached out and grabbed his hand. "Thank you."

"Anything for family," he said. "Anything."

**H-5-O**

Steve ran into a distracted looking native doctor on his way to McKenzie's room.

"Excuse me," the doctor said. "Are you looking for someone?"

"My wife," Steve said. "McKenzie McGarrett."

The doctor's eyes widened. "Detective Williams told me you were dead."

"Yeah, sorry about that," Danny said, coming into the hallway from McKenzie's room. "It was an... exaggeration."

"I should say," Dr. Kahale replied.

"Is she okay?" Steve asked.

"That's difficult to say. She was very undernourished when she arrived. Surprisingly, the baby was fine. We were hoping to build up her strength again before the baby came, but... well, that's not an option anymore. We're keeping an eye on her. If it goes too long, we'll do a C-section because her energy won't last much longer."

Steve rubbed his hand along the considerable stubble on his jaw. "Can I see her?" he asked.

"Of course." Dr. Kahale gestured toward the door. "I'll be in soon to asses her progress."

Steve looked at Danny who only nodded. This was it. Or one of a long series of "it"s that had happened in the last 24 hours.

Steve crossed the hall and wrapped his hand around the doorknob, wondering why he wasn't kicking in the door and running full speed to her side instead of this hesitation.

Steve shook his head and turned the doorknob. He needed to be with McKenzie now. He couldn't let his fear get int the way.

She was watching the door, aware that he was coming. When Steve stepped into the room, McKenzie smiled and held out her hand. By the time Steve was close enough to take it, she was shaking from the effort.

He pulled up a chair next to her, wrapping his hand around hers and kissing her fingers. For a moment, neither of them said anything. They just stared into each other's eyes, as if blinking would make the other disappear.

"You look terrible," McKenzie finally said.

Steve couldn't help smiling. "I think we both have a pretty good excuse," he said.

"Danny said you were shot?"

"It wasn't serious. Don't worry about me."

"I always worry about you."

"You do?"

"Yes. You're very fragile."

"I think that's the other way around."

"Hmm-mm. I'm like granite."

Steve smiled and reached over to brush sweaty hair from McKenzie's face. "Yeah, you are... Do you know how much I love you?"

"Probably not."

"I could never put words to it. You could."

"Because I'm bombastic?"

"No, Danny is bombastic. You are eloquent."

"I've heard, but... sometimes even I have no words." Her voice sort of trailed off into silence. Then she let out a small cry.

For a second, Steve didn't know what had happened and then he mentally slapped himself. She was having contractions.

Still, his heart clenched to see her in pain when he could do nothing about it. But her grip on his hand tightened and she used his arm to hold herself up until the pain passed.

"Steve." Her voice was barely a whisper.

"Yes?" he answered at the same volume.

"Will she be okay?"

Steve didn't know. He couldn't tell from what the doctor had said. "I..." He faltered. What could he say? "I hope so."

It wasn't at all what he wanted to say, but it was all he knew.

They sat in silence for a while. When the contractions came, Steve would support McKenzie's back so she could sit up. Soon, she was too tired to talk.

It seemed like an eternity before Dr. Kahale returned. After checking up on McKenzie, he was silent for a moment.

"A little while longer," he finally said. "If she comes soon, we should be all right. If not, the OR is ready."

"Doctor," Steve said as he was about to leave.

"Yes?"

"How... what's the danger?"

"At this point, we really don't know. It all depends on how long she can hold on. She's doing great so far."

Steve turned back to McKenzie who had her eyes half shut and was breathing heavily. She didn't seem to be doing great to him, but then, he'd never been present for a birth before.

But with every gasp of pain, he could see the skin in her neck tighten around her bones. He could see the way the hospital gown hung so loosely around her shoulders.

Suddenly, McKenzie reached out and touched the side of Steve's face. Her whole arm shook so he held her elbow up.

"Steve," she whispered. "I love you... I love you so much..." Tears formed in her eyes, only half from the pain.

Then she cried out louder than before. Her hand dropped to Steve's shoulder and she grabbed his shirt, her knuckles turning white.

"She's coming!"

**H-5-O**

Dr. Kahale heard his patient from down the hall where he had been talking with Danny, Kono, and Chin.

"Excuse me," he said calmly as he turned and ran down the hall. Along the way, he collected several nurses. They burst into the room and for a second, all was chaos.

"All right," Kahale said. "This is it. Commander McGarrett, I'm going to ask that you clear the room.

Steve looked about to protest, but Kahale held up his hand.

"Normally, I wouldn't ask, but considering these circumstances, I think it would be best."

Steve decided not to argue. As much as he needed to be with his wife, he wanted her and their baby to be okay more.

Steve wandered back down the hallway aimlessly. He knew his family was in the waiting room, but he was in no hurry to be there. If he'd known what was waiting for him, he might have turned around and ran.

The first thing he saw was his team, sitting in a half circle. The next thing he saw was a fist coming toward his face.

"What the hell's the matter with you?" Mary Ann shouted.

With everything that had been going on, Steve really hadn't taken much time to consider his sister.

"Mary," he began.

"Don't talk to me," she said. "You are a world class ass."

"I know."

"What?"

"I said, I know. It was wrong. And I can never undo all the damage I did."

"Is this... are you for real?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"I mean, you're not trying to justify this, make it sound like you did it to protect everyone and all that. Dad would've."

Steve rubbed his now sore jaw. "I'm not Dad," he said quietly.

Mary looked him in the eye finally and nodded. "But you are a dad now." She hugged him tightly. "She'll be okay."

Steve wasn't really surprised that his sister had gone from hitting him to comforting him. She had always been that way.

"I love you Steve," she said. "You don't know what it was like thinking you were dead."

"I know," he replied. "I love you too, and I'm sorry."

"Did you catch the guy?"

"No." Steve looked over at his team. "But we will."

**H-5-O**

The minutes ticked by like hours. Steve had finally stopped pacing and sat between his sister and his partner. There were so many things going through his head and all he wanted was to know his wife and daughter were all right and sleep.

Steve began to feel the sharp ache in his shoulder. He remembered his conversation with Hesse. He wanted to talk to Danny, Chin, and Kono about it, but it wasn't a good time or place. Yet, he couldn't help the nagging feeling that someone would discover he had let Hesse go.

"Hey," Danny said, resting a hand on Steve's arm. "You okay?"

Steve inhaled sharply. "I'm..." What could he say? He wasn't okay. He was freaking out. There was so much to do, and he was once again rendered helpless.

"McKenzie's stronger than anyone thinks," Danny said.

Steve shook his head. "She's stronger than me."

"She'll make it through this." Danny seemed very certain.

"I can't think anything else."

They fell back into silence, but Danny's hand never left Steve's arm. On his left, Mary was rubbing his shoulder absently.

After what seemed like forever, Dr. Kahale came walking down the hallway with a small bundle in his arms and smiling.

"Everyone," he said, "meet Lucy Anne McGarrett."

Steve was not aware of rising and walking over to the doctor. He didn't know he was holding out his hands until he saw them in front of him. And by then, there was a warm, wiggling baby placed in them.

Steve drew his arms back and felt his daughter's heat against his chest. He brought his right hand up to touch her and found that it was shaking. Then he felt a hand on his arm leading him back to his chair.

Once he was seated, Steve realized how exhausted he was. And he didn't care who was looking, he let tears roll down his face as he stared into the bright blue eyes of his little girl.


	25. Loneliness and Solitude

**Yet another update. I know I'm awesome; you are too. I'm getting excited for the "end."**

**Chapter Twenty-Five "Loneliness and Solitude"**

"_**Loneliness and solitude are two things not to get confused 'cause I spend my solitude with you. I gather all the questions of the things I just can't get straight and I answer them the way I guess you'd do.**__**"~Relient K**_

"Commander McGarrett?"

Steve felt a hand on his shoulder and tore his eyes away from his sleeping daughter. He didn't know how much time had passed. He met Dr. Kahale's eyes and gave him a questioning look.

"Your wife is sleeping," Kahale said. "She's had a very hard time of it, but she did great. She should recover, but it will take time. Now, I understand that you've been away from her for a long time, so I've asked that a bed be made up for you in her room. You can stay with her until she's released."

Steve let out a long breath. "Thank you," he said.

Steve suddenly realized how tired he was. Feeling secure enough with his entire team in the waiting room, he left Lucy with Danny, who had been wanting to hold her the whole time. Steve was convinced his partner was a complete softie, but then so was he.

Steve made his way down the hall. McKenzie was sleeping soundly. Steve stood in the doorway for a long time, watching her. He wanted so badly to talk to her, but he knew rest would make her get better faster.

Steve didn't know what time it was. He didn't know how long it had been since he'd slept. So, he ignored the extra bed in the corner and climbed up next to McKenzie. The bed was too small for both of them, but his need to be close to her outweighed any minor discomfort that might have caused.

Steve laid his head next to McKenzie and buried his face in her hair. He let out a long sigh, there was so much that needed to be done. So much he still wanted, but he was content just to fall asleep next to his wife for the first time in six months.

**H-5-O**

Danny made a habit of talking to children as if they understood what he was saying. He didn't care that Kono, Chin, Mary, and anyone who happened to walk by were all laughing at him. He was sure Lucy was intelligent enough to know he was addressing her.

"It's really too bad," he told her. "You look just like your dad. Maybe you'll grow out of it. I bet you'll be smart and nice like your mom though."

She yawned, but didn't really wake up.

"I spoke too soon," Danny said. "You are exactly like your dad. Which is unfortunate, but I suppose the global crime rate will plummet by the time you're a teenager."

"If Steve could hear you..." Kono said.

"What?" Danny asked.

Chin laughed. "Not sure how happy he'd be at the thought of his daughter in the family business," he said.

"I didn't say she'd be a cop," Danny said. "She's probably a superhero."

Mary rolled her eyes. "Knowing my family, I wouldn't be surprised," she said.

"Speaking of family," Kono said. "When are we going to tell everyone... About Steve."

"Preferably at a decent hour," Danny said. "I guess I'll go over to Rachel's in the morning."

"And we can start spreading the word around," Chin said. "I have a feeling Jenna will want to be right back to work in the morning."

"Yes... Someone needs to rein her in. She's like Steve, only more likely to get herself killed."

"That's an accomplishment," Mary said. "Hey, you mind if I hold my niece?"

Danny begrudgingly handed Lucy over and Mary started making funny noises. Danny shook his head.

"Poor kid," he muttered.

"Oh, and listening to you is such a joy?" Mary said.

"At least I make sense."

"That is debatable."

"Please don't argue in front of the child," Kono said. "You'll condition her to be like you."

"She's gonna need good argumentation skills," Mary said. "I mean being surrounded by all these people who think they're always right."

Chin stood up. "My turn," he said.

"Wait a second," Kono said. "When do I get a turn?"

"Sorry, Cos', you didn't call it."

"Really?"

"Yes, really."

Mary wasn't exactly happy about giving up her niece, but she knew everyone wanted to hold Lucy. Surprisingly, Chin held her longer than anyone else, probably because he was quiet and people forgot he was there. Eventually, though, Kono had to accost him and demand her turn. And so they passed the night.

**H-5-O**

McKenzie couldn't remember being so uncomfortable. Well, there was that one time she woke up on the floor of a safe house with glass fragments in her face. No, this was worse. She ached all over and she was too warm. She was hungry and tired and for some reason, she couldn't move.

She remembered the previous night. She knew it was daytime because there was a window letting in light. She couldn't remember how long it had been since she'd seen light.

McKenzie recalled Dr. Kahale telling her the baby was going to be okay. And she remembered telling him her name. He had said it was a good name. After that, she couldn't remember anything. Until now.

When she tried to move, McKenzie found that she was somehow stuck and she didn't have the energy to try harder. And for some reason, the bed seemed awfully crowded.

Waking up a little more, McKenzie noticed that the most overwhelming discomfort was that she was thirsty and there was something holding her down. That didn't really make sense.

Except it did. Once she opened her eyes and looked around, McKenzie could see her problem. Steve was lying next to her with his arm across her chest. She saw two small holes in his shirt and decided trying to move his arm was not a good idea.

So she stared at him. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen him asleep. He had always woken up before her when they were together. With a smile, she remembered all the times he'd watched her sleep, saying it was calming.

And right now, watching Steve sleep made McKenzie feel like things might just be okay. Part of her wanted him to wake up so she could talk to him, but she couldn't bring him back to their harsh reality yet. She had no idea how difficult the last few months must have been for him.

McKenzie couldn't help it though. She stretched out her neck as far as it would go and brushed her lips against the tip of Steve's nose. It must have tickled because his facial muscles twitched.

McKenzie laid her head back down and waited. It wouldn't be long before his mind caught up with his face. Steve was an incredibly light sleeper.

Sure enough, after a few seconds, his eyes fluttered open and he returned her stare. But he didn't get up, like she thought he would. He leaned in closer and she felt his scratchy stubble before his lips touched her jaw.

"Steve," McKenzie whispered.

"Mm?" was his reply.

But she hadn't meant to say anything else. She turned her head to the side so that they were facing each other on the pillow. She reached up and ran her fingers from his forehead to his jaw. She felt his arm tighten around her and the corner of his mouth quirked from the pain in his shoulder he refused to acknowledge.

McKenzie rested her hand on Steve's neck. She pulled him toward her and tilted her face upward a little. Her lips parted ever so slightly and his were a hair's breadth away. She felt the swelling in her heart again as they closed the distance.

Neither of them realized until that moment just how much this meant. The long time apart had forced them into some semblance of contentment, but the second their lips met again, everything they had missed came to the front of their minds.

When they finally separated, McKenzie was breathing hard and Steve thought he might have gone too far.

"Are you okay?" he asked, half sitting up.

"Yeah," McKenzie replied, but Steve wasn't convinced. "I'm thirsty," she said.

**H-5-O**

After Dr. Kahale checked up on her, McKenzie insisted Steve go home and clean up. He was quite opposed to the idea, but she wasn't accepting any excuses.

"I'm sure there's some relative out there to look after me," she said. "And tell them to give me back my baby."

"I'll see, okay?" Steve said. "As long as one of the team is still here, I'll go home and take a shower... Do you still have all my clothes."

McKenzie laughed. "Yes. When you 'died' Danny helped pack everything up. Then when I found out, he brought everything back. Except what I took to you, I guess."

"It'll be weird going home without you."

"Well, I'm not letting you sit in the hospital for days in your blood and sweat and God knows what else."

"All right, I'm leaving. Are you happy?"

"I'm very happy. Not that you're leaving so much."

"I'll be half an hour. Tops."

"It takes that long to get there."

"Not if I turn on the siren."

"Yeah, and that leaves you no time to wash behind your ears."

"You're really getting into this mom thing, aren't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. Now get out of here." She tried her best to sound serious, but couldn't help the grin on her face.

Steve reluctantly headed down the hall to find that Kono was the only one there. He looked around curiously and she smiled.

"They took Lucy to feed her," she said. "Then they were going to bring her to McKenzie."

"Okay," Steve said. "I'm going home for a little while. Will you keep an eye on them?"

"Sure."

"I'm serious. There's still a chance..."

"I know. I'll keep them safe."

"Thank you."

"Danny said you should call him when you have the chance."

"I'll do it on the way."

Leaving the hospital felt completely wrong, but Steve knew McKenzie was right. He was a mess. He thought about what to tell Danny. He really wanted to wait until he had the whole team together to talk about what happened at the governor's mansion.

And then there was Hesse. Steve took the scrap of paper out of his pocket. It had the location of a dock and a phone number. He'd hold off calling him for now.

First things first. Steve hit one on speed dial. It only rang once before Danny answered.

"Hey, how's it feel to be alive?" he asked.

"Did you ever see that Star Trek movie?"

"Which one?"

"The one where Bones is asking Spock what being dead was like."

"Yeah."

"And Spock said he couldn't tell him because he had no frame of reference."

"Seriously? I had to tell everyone you were dead. Speaking of which, I have to go tell my daughter that you're alive now."

"You want me to come?"

"Actually, that might be good."

"Okay, I'm headed home now. I'll meet you at Rachel's in an hour."

"Good. I might want to go in first and break the news."

"You don't think a surprise would be better?"

"If we were talking about a puppy or a new Barbie doll, maybe, but this in her Uncle Steve come back to life."

"Okay. And being alive is great, since you asked."

"I thought so."


	26. I Believe

**Okay, there will be at least one more chapter and maybe an epilogue before this story is over. Thank you all for sticking with it, especially those who reviewed. You guys are the best.**

**Chapter Twenty-Six "I Believe"**

"_**I believe. What if I believe you now? Would it ever change this heart? Forgive me. Believe me. Please come back to life."~Flyleaf**_

Steve hardly recognized himself in the mirror. He was back in his own house, clean and dry, wearing his own clothes, but the man who stared back at him was not the one who had run into this house on a hot August day.

Steve knew coming back would be hard. He didn't expect to feel this way, though.

It probably didn't help that he was thin and pale and looked several years older than he had when he left. The outside was a reflection of the inside. He felt old. He felt worn out.

Steve knew things couldn't keep going like this. He couldn't live knowing he and his family were in constant danger. That wasn't living.

There was still so much to do, so he put off those thoughts for a while. He was happy to be going to see Grace. It wasn't something he thought about much, but his immediate family were not the only ones affected by his disappearance.

So, he left the house and called Kono from the road.

"I'm going to be a little while longer," he said.

"Anything wrong?" Kono asked.

"No, Danny and I are going over to talk to Rachel and Grace."

"Oh... That's good."

"So, I need you to hold down the fort a little longer."

"No worries there, Boss. Your girls are safe with me."

Steve smiled and he wasn't sure if it were the thought of being called "boss" again, or the phrase, "your girls." He was pretty happy about both.

It didn't take long to get to Rachel and Stan's mansion. Danny's car was in the driveway, so he sat and waited to be called in.

**H-5-O**

Danny wasn't sure how this would go. He knew he should tell Rachel first. She might be able to help him with Grace.

"Is something wrong?" Rachel asked when she had invited Danny inside.

"No." Danny shook his head. "No, actually things are good. Uh, where do I begin?"

"McKenzie?"

"Yes. We found her. She's doing fine. Had her baby last night."

"Why didn't you call?"

"It was like three in the morning."

"That explains why you look like you haven't slept."

"Yeah, there's something else."

"What's that?"

"It's... Steve."

Rachel looked confused. "What about him?"

"He's alive."

Rachel's hand went to her mouth. "Are you serious?"

"Yes. He faked his death to keep his family safe from Hesse and Wo Fat. But he's fine. This is a really long story..."

"That you don't want to tell me right now. I know. I'm sure you want to inform Grace. And then I think a visit to the hospital is in order."

"Okay. Steve's outside. I knew Grace would want to see him, so I'll go tell her. You want to let him in?"

"All right. Go ahead."

Danny went upstairs and Rachel headed outside. Grace was in her room doing homework. Danny rapped his knuckles on the door even though it was open.

Grace turned her head and pulled out her headphones. "Danno!" she said, grinning and running over to give him a hug.

"Hey," he replied, returning the hug. "I have something to tell you."

"What is it? Is it my birthday present?"

"Grace, your birthday is in November."

Grace seemed to be thinking for a second. "Did you find Aunt Kenzie?"

Danny grinned. "Yes, we did and she had her baby."

"And she's okay? What's the baby's name?"

"Yes she's okay. The baby's name is Lucy. But there's something else I need to tell you."

"Do I get to go see them?"

"Yes. Soon. Gracie, do you remember Uncle Steve?"

Grace nodded vigorously. "I miss him."

"Yeah. Me too. Listen, Uncle Steve isn't dead."

"What? How?"

"He only pretended to be so the bad guys wouldn't hurt his family."

"But... but everyone was so sad."

"I know. Look, he's here to see you if you want to."

"He is? Where?"

Danny smiled. "Come on, Monkey."

**H-5-O**

Steve wasn't sure what was going on when he saw Rachel walking toward his truck. He assumed it was his cue. Walking up the driveway, he couldn't read Rachel's expression. So, he was surprised when she hugged him.

"I'm so glad you're all right," she said. Then she looked him in the eye. "And congratulations."

Steve smiled. "Thank you," he said.

"Come on, then. Grace will want to see you."

They went into the house and soon heard little footsteps hurrying down the stairs. Steve looked up to see the little girl rushing toward him. For a split second, he didn't see Grace. He saw the little black haired girl from his dreams.

Grace jumped into Steve's arms and he didn't care about the sharp pain in his shoulder. He was suddenly overwhelmed by the fact that this little girl loved him in spite of how much he had hurt her.

"I missed you so much, Uncle Steve," Grace said.

"I missed you too, Gracie," Steve said.

"Can I go see Aunt Kenzie and Lucy?"

"Sure you can. Whenever you want. I'm going back there now."

"Can I ride with you?"

"You have to ask your mom and dad."

Grace looked at Rachel with big eyes. Rachel smiled.

"Of course you can," she said. "I'm planning on going over too, so I can bring her home afterward."

"Are you going back to the office, Danno?" Steve asked.

"Yes, unfortunately, some of us still have to work," Danny replied.

"Well, seeing as how I'm officially your boss again, I could give you the day off."

"Actually, you're still legally dead, so I'm the boss and I'm not that nice."

"Now I know why everyone's so happy to see me."

Danny was about to reply when he noticed that Grace was getting anxious and Rachel actually looked a little impatient as well. "Get out of here," he said. "And don't you dare come back to work until I say you can."

Steve grinned. "Yes, Boss."

**H-5-O**

McKenzie was fairly content. She was a little irritated that she couldn't feed her own baby, but there was some mention of how she had almost no body fat. So she was satisfied with being able to sit up and hold her for as long as she wanted.

Kono watched over McKenzie to the point of hovering. Of course, they both knew how dangerous it still was. McKenzie was actually sort of nervous with Steve out of her sight.

But that didn't last long. Soon he returned holding Grace by the hand and followed by Rachel. McKenzie smiled at them.

"Am I that popular?" she asked. "Or are you just here to see the baby?"

"Both," Rachel said. "I'm so glad you're all right."

Grace hurried over to the side of the bed and stood on her toes.

"Come on up," McKenzie said. "You want to hold her?"

Grace's eyes widened as she climbed up on the bed. "Can I?"

"Sure, just hold out your arms."

Steve smiled watching them. It almost seemed as if nothing had ever been wrong.

Rachel took over Kono's seat and the former came over to where Steve was standing in the door.

"I'm going to get over to HQ and see what I can do," she said. "We have security all over this floor, but if you need one of us..."

"We'll be fine for now," Steve said. "I just want there to be one of us here at all times."

Kono nodded. "It's great to have you back," she said, but her voice betrayed the fear that he might not be back for long.

Steve ignored it. He couldn't deal with that idea right now. "It's good to be back," he said.

**H-5-O**

Later that day after Rachel and Grace had gone home, Steve finally got to hold his daughter again. McKenzie had yet to see them together and she liked the view. She watched him pace back and forth, whispering so low she couldn't hear him.

"Steve," she said.

He looked up at her, as if he were surprised to find that he wasn't alone. "Yeah?" he said.

"There's so much to talk about."

He came over to the chair beside her bed and sat down. "I know," he said. "I don't know where to start."

"Well, you don't have to tell me how stupid I was. I already know. And I'm sorry, really."

Steve nodded. "I think I have much more to answer for."

"I know why you did it. I understand."

"Still... how do we go on from here?" Steve twisted the corner of Lucy's blanket between his fingers. "I've been gone so long and now we're a whole family."

"We'll... take it one day at a time. We've survived this long."

Steve met McKenzie's eyes. "I need you to forgive me," he said.

"Steve, I don't need—"

"Please."

She nodded. "Okay. I forgive you."

Steve felt a little better. Only a little. "There's something I have to tell you and I don't think you'll understand, but I can't keep it from you. I let Victor Hesse go."

McKenzie's eyes widened. "Why would you do that?"

"Because if I arrested him, he'd be as good as dead. He saved my life and yours. He never intended to kill me. He knew all along that I was alive."

"Does... does the team know?"

Steve shook his head. "Not yet. We haven't had a chance to talk about everything."

"So what are you going to do now?"

Steve sighed. "I'll meet with Hesse, find out what he knows. After that... I think we need to be prepared for the possibility that Hawaii isn't safe for us anymore."

"You mean... we'd move?"

"Yes. I don't know yet, but it might be the only choice."

McKenzie nodded and took a deep breath. "We'll do what we have to. To survive."

"We always have."

McKenzie smirked. "Seems like ever since I met you, it's been one long fight for survival."

Steve shook his head. "I warned you."

"I know. I knew then what I was getting myself into... sort of. I guess I didn't really expect all this, but I see that it's part of the territory. Though... I can't deny I do wish for a little peace."

Steve reached over and brushed some hair from her face. "I'm going to do everything I can to make that happen," he said.

McKenzie caught his hand. "I'm just happy you're here," she said.

Steve smiled softly and leaned closer. He kissed her gently and laid Lucy across her lap. "Move over," he said.

After so many months apart, just being close together seemed like an immense occurrence. Steve and McKenzie weren't taking any of this time together for granted. They never knew when it might all be gone.


	27. Feed the Machine

**Yay! The last chapter before the epilogue, which should be up within a couple of days. After that, I'm going to take a short break on this series to update some other stories that need attention. Thank you all for sticking with this story. You guys are really awesome and deserve lots of cookies... or whatever.**

**Chapter Twenty-Seven "Feed the Machine"**

"_**You need the danger just to feel your heart beat. You need to die just to find your identity. You need the knife just to know that you can bleed. You need the pain now just to feel anything. We fall in line. We live the lie. Give up, give up and feed the machine."~Red**_

Steve couldn't sleep. His mind raced with all the things he would have to do the next day. First, brief the team. That would be an adventure. Second, meet with Hesse. Steve groaned internally at the thought.

On top of that, Dr. Kahale said McKenzie might be able to go home sometime tomorrow. Steve was extremely happy about that, but it was one more thing to worry about.

And then there was the safety issue. He didn't trust anyone but his team to keep him and his family safe. Even then, he was nervous.

Sometime after midnight, Steve left McKenzie's side. She was sleeping soundly, and would be for quite some time. He wandered over to the nursery where Lucy was sleeping.

When her eyes were closed, Steve saw how she looked like McKenzie. She had the same peaceful look on her face. But awake, she looked exactly like him, dark hair, blue eyes, expressive face. Steve couldn't wait to see her smile. Couldn't wait to hear her voice.

He shook his head and rested it against the glass. He had so much life to live yet. He couldn't rise not being around. The choice was harder than it should have been. Because Steve didn't give up. He didn't let go.

But here he was, face pressed against the nursery glass, falling in love again. He knew he would do whatever it took to make sure his family was safe and together

Steve smiled softly; he wasn't his father. It was good to know.

He wandered back to McKenzie's room, nodded to the guard, and took a seat next to her bed. The rest of the night, he watched her sleep, knowing the choice he had to make would hurt her too. But the alternative was not an option.

Steve was determined not only to be alive, but to live.

**H-5-O**

Bright and early the next morning, Steve walked into HQ, much to everyone's surprise and Danny's annoyance.

"I thought I told you not to come back until I said so," he said. "And who's watching the hospital?"

"I called Kamekona," Steve said.

"Seriously?"

"Yes, Danny, seriously. Now, will you shut up so I can tell you why I'm here?"

"Oh, please." Danny spread his hands.

Steve rolled his eyes and took out his phone. "Play the last recording," he told Kono as he set it on the computer.

She did and soon the five of them heard Steve's conversation with Governor Jameson begin. The other's eyes only got bigger and bigger as the conversation went on. By the end of it, no one could say anything.

"What are you thinking?" Danny finally asked. It was an honest question.

Steve crossed his arms. "I need to know what he knows."

"So you're going to meet with him?" Jenna asked, disbelieving.

"I have to."

"It could be a trap," Chin suggested.

"Why bother?" Kono asked. "Why not just kill him? I mean, no offense, Boss, but he had you at a disadvantage."

"I know that," Steve said. "No, he doesn't want to kill me. He saved my life and McKenzie's and Lucy's."

"He still killed your father," Danny pointed out. "I mean, I think you definitely need to find out what's going on here, but let's not go thinking Hesse is all the sudden some good Samaritan."

"So, I'll set up a meeting, find out what's going on. Then..."

"Then what?" Chin asked.

"I don't know yet."

"Hey," Danny said. "I'm not letting you go alone."

"Danny—"

"Who's technically still in charge here? No arguing. So, go call him."

Steve didn't try to convince Danny otherwise. He didn't have the energy to argue.

**H-5-O**

They waited in the car until the designated time. It was an open area. Nowhere to hide. No chance of an ambush. Steve wasn't really concerned about that.

"Hey, you okay?" Danny asked from the passenger seat.

"Just thinking," Steve replied.

"Don't hurt yourself."

"Very funny."

"I try. So?"

"So what?"

"What were you thinking?"

Steve ran a hand down his face. "About what's going to happen after this."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... I don't think we can stay in Hawaii."

"What, you... You'd move?"

"I think it's been established that we aren't safe here."

"How long?"

"As long as it takes you to track down Wo Fat."

"Me?"

"The team."

"So, you'd just disappear?"

"Danny, don't think I want to do this. It's... the only thing I can think of. I can't protect them 24/7 and my life is in danger too. I can't... live like that."

Danny nodded silently. He really hadn't expected Steve to make that sacrifice, but now it all made sense. "For what it's worth," he said, "I appreciate that you trust me that much."

Steve met his friend's eyes and a small smile drew at his face. "I do," he said. "That's pretty much the only thing I'm comfortable with right now."

They didn't speak further because they noticed a lone man walking toward their general location. This was it. They got out of the car and headed to meet him.

Hesse turned toward the end of the dock, as if he hadn't noticed Steve and Danny. They followed a ways behind. Finally all three of them stood at the railing, Hesse with his arms resting on it, Steve standing up straight, and Danny leaning with his back to the ocean.

"How's your shoulder?" Hesse asked.

"Good, thanks," Steve replied.

"And your wife?"

"Good."

Hesse nodded once. "I take it you've made security arrangements?"

"That's what he's for." Steve nodded sideways.

Danny frowned, but didn't say anything. It was really irrelevant.

"I have to leave the island soon," Hesse said. "I suggest you do the same."

"Is Sang Min helping you?"

Hesse made a face. "He's dead."

"What?"

"I told you, crossing Wo Fat is dangerous. He helped you one too many times."

"So how are you getting away?" Danny asked.

"Is that the question you really want to ask?"

"I want to know why you're doing this," Steve said.

"I'm nothing if not pragmatic, Steve. Wo Fat is bad for business. He's bully. You know what I mean."

"But why help me?"

"You want him gone as much as, if not more than, I do. And I've run out of favors. Wo Fat controls this island. Much as I hate to admit it, you're my best chance of survival. Tit for tat, remember."

"Yeah. Do you know why Wo Fat wants me dead? I mean, aside from the fact that I've been trying to hunt him down."

Hesse made a shrugging gesture with his hands. "Some deep, dark secret I don't care about... No offense. Now that he knows you're not dead, he'll waste no time coming after you again."

"So what are you going to do?"

"Regroup..." Hesse cleared his throat. "You don't want to know."

"I thought so."

"Yeah, just get your family away from here. From what I've seen, your team is capable of handling things from this end. I'll pass on any pertinent information I can find." Hesse handed Steve a flash drive. "This is all I was able to collect before he found me out. Your analyst should be able to use it. And you probably already know this, but don't trust the cops. Or not many of them anyway."

Danny shook his head. "Why are we trusting you?"

"Because I've trusted you," Hesse replied. "I've hand plenty of opportunity to break faith." Hesse looked as if he were about to leave. "I'll contact you when I'm out," he said, looking at Steve. "Until then, watch your back."

As Hesse walked away, Danny watched him, arms crossed. "I don't like it," he said.

"Neither do I," Steve replied. "Get Jenna to look over this." He handed Danny the flash drive. "It doesn't matter either way. We have to leave."

"When?"

"As soon as possible."

**H-5-O**

As much as McKenzie liked Kamekona, he was not the company she wanted. Lucy seemed to like him though, which was amusing.

Still, McKenzie was becoming restless. She would be released soon. Steve had called to say he was on his way with clean clothes for her. She couldn't wait to go home.

McKenzie hadn't realized she had zoned out when she heard Kamekona's voice.

"Don't you worry, little keiki. Your 'anakala's gonna take good care of you. When you get big, I'll give you all the shave ice you can eat."

"That's very generous of you," Steve said from the doorway.

"Hey, good to see you alive," Kamekona said.

Steve smiled. "Thanks for taking care of them for me."

"Any time, brah." Kamekona came over and handed Lucy to Steve, knowing he'd want to hold her. "I'll keep watch," he said.

"You don't have to do that."

"Sure I do. You're getting ready to leave, you need tight security. Don't worry. I got you."

Kamekona went out into the hallway and Steve shook his head. He handed McKenzie the bag with her clothes in it and kissed the top of her head.

"He's not worried for no reason, is he?" McKenzie asked.

"No," Steve replied. "We can talk about it later."

McKenzie nodded and changed quickly. She knew it would be a long conversation. She didn't want to think about it just then. She was going home with her family. After such a long time away, it was an important event.

Steve was still carrying Lucy as they went to check out. McKenzie let him. She loved watching him hold her. He turned into someone different, but he seemed almost more himself.

They said goodbye to Dr. Kahale and thanked him for everything. Then they headed outside. Steve had installed the car seat in his truck. McKenzie was rather amazed.

"These things are supposed to be impossible," she said as Steve buckled Lucy in.

"Look who you're talking to," he replied with a grin.

"I should have known better."

"Yeah, you should have."

Steve helped McKenzie into the truck and they headed toward home. It was unreal to finally be going home. They knew it would be a lot different. But they were a family again and that was the important thing.

**H-5-O**

Steve wondered if not sleeping was just something that defined him as a human being. Or, non-human being, if Danny were to be believed.

He rolled onto his side and sighed. He didn't expect to hear his wife's voice in the darkness.

"Can't sleep?" she asked. Her back was to him so he couldn't tell if he'd woken her or not.

"No," Steve said, pulling closer to her and pressing his nose against her bare shoulder.

She leaned into him and pulled his arm around her. "Do we have to leave?" she asked.

There was a thick silence. Steve didn't know how to tell her they would have to leave their home for who knew how long.

"Yes," he finally said.

McKenzie threaded her fingers through his. "Where will we go?"

"I contacted Detective Beckett in Chicago. He's willing to help us."

"Ironic."

"Yeah."

"What will we do there?"

"What we do here. They need teachers everywhere and Beckett said he'd see about getting me a job with Chicago PD."

"You know, you'd have to be an actual cop there? Not... well, you."

"I know. It's not the biggest sacrifice I'll be making."

"What is?"

Steve wasn't sure he wanted to answer. He wasn't sure he wanted her to know this about him. "Giving up," he said. "Not finishing what my father started. Not hunting down that SOB and killing him."

McKenzie didn't say anything. She already knew. She knew Steve better than he thought. He couldn't keep her out like he could with everyone else.

"But you're more important to me," Steve said.

McKenzie knew that too.


	28. Epilogue: Tomorrow Will Be Better

_**This is the final chapter. Thank you all so much for sticking with this story. The sequel will be coming along probably sometime next week. In the meantime, I will be working on a few other stories that desperately need updating. So, stay tuned!**_

_**Epilogue:Tomorrow Will Be Better**_

"_**Tomorrow will be better; I'm betting on the sun... flying away is problematic...You search the world for consistency... See your home isn't subject to sacrifice and family shouldn't be split twice... while you still have a while, please come home."~A Rotterdam November**_

Steve tried not to fidget, but the more he tried not to the more he did. It wasn't even that he was particularly nervous. It was something else.

He looked to his right where his wife was sitting with an amused smirk.

"What?" he asked.

"Do you just not like airplanes?" she asked.

"Airplanes are fine," he replied.

"Really?" McKenzie didn't sound as if she believed him.

"Really," Steve replied, looking forward.

"Hey." McKenzie took his hand and pulled his eyes back to hers. "We're doing the right thing." She nodded. "We are."

Steve looked down at the sleeping baby in her lap. He knew she was right. That didn't mean he was going to sit still. His shoulder still ached a little and he didn't want to fall asleep. Something about the thought of sitting for twelve hours made him feel tired.

And then there was the anticipation of the cold weather that would inevitably greet them when they landed. A week wasn't quite long enough to come up with enough warm clothes and they were difficult to find in Hawaii anyway. Of course, they would adjust. McKenzie had lived in Oregon for most of her life and Steve had been in all sorts of adverse conditions. That really wasn't a problem; it was just one more thing.

They were halfway to the west coast when Steve noticed a piece of notebook paper sticking out of on of their bags. McKenzie was staring out the window so she didn't notice him pull it out and begin to read. It was in Danny's handwriting, but it looked like he had help.

_Dear Steve, McKenzie, and Lucy,_

_We, as your family/ohana (they made me write that) want to leave you with some last words of advice. First, be nice to the Illinoisans. We know they're probably not as cool as us Hawaiians (or Jerseyans), but then, who is? _

_Second, don't give Beckett too much trouble. He's been so nice after all._

_Third, do not try to put pineapple on your pizza. This is Chicago. (Steve, I'm talking to you.)_

_I'm sure we've said so much already, but it seems like we hardly had any time with you three. So, don't worry; we'll make sure you can come home as soon as possible. In the meantime, we'll look after your house. Chin and I are already planning an addition to the garage. (You need it!)_

_We're sure you'll be home before you know it, but until then, remember that we all love you and will be waiting when you get back._

_Aloha,_

_Chin, Mary, Kamekona, Rachel, Danny, Kono, Grace... and Karl_

"He even used the semi-colon correctly," McKenzie said.

Steve turned, surprised to see she had been reading along with him. "I wouldn't know," he said.

"I can see we have our work cut out for us."

"One thing at a time. First I'll learn to be a cop, then the finer points of American English punctuation."

"Fair enough."

Steve turned the paper over to see more writing.

_Steve,_

_I probably never told you what a great partner you were. I know we had our differences, but at the end of the day, there's no one I'd rather watch my back. I'll miss you while you're gone, but I'm going to make sure that's not very long. So, don't worry; I've got it all under control. Take care of those girls. I did my best and now it's your turn._

_Love, Danno_

_P.S. I'm actually going to miss hearing you say "book 'em, Danno." It must be the sun frying my brain or something..._

Steve smiled to himself and put the paper in his pocket. He wasn't happy about what he had to do, but he knew he could trust his team, trust Danny, to get the job done. It had been a long time since Steve had really trusted someone else to do something he felt responsibility for. But it felt good in an odd way. Good to know he wasn't alone.

Steve leaned back in his seat and thought that maybe he would sleep after all. He had about ten more hours before he had to worry about tomorrow. And then, he was that much closer to going home.


End file.
